


Wild Justice

by silkmoth



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-10
Updated: 2011-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-14 15:29:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 53,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkmoth/pseuds/silkmoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Prince Arthur returns to Camelot after a horrible fight with raiders, he thinks he can find a little peace. He is wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wild Justice

**Author's Note:**

> The entire story deals with the theme of violence, rape and taking care of someone who got raped. Please don’t read if some of this can trigger you.  
> I started to write this story in January 2010, therefore canon stops after Season 2. That also means that a few characters in this story have nothing to do with the characters that popped up, unexpectedly, in Season 3. For example, the Gawain in this story is nothing like the Gwaine from Season 3.

**Wild Justice**

  
 _Prologue_

Darkness. There was darkness all around him. He just sat there, in the dark. He wasn’t sure how he got here. All he knew was pain. Pain. And he knew he was waiting. But he didn’t know anymore for what. Or for whom.

  
 _Day One_

Arthur took a deep breath when he finally saw the towers of Camelot. Completely exhausted, he pushed his equally tired horse forward; he couldn’t wait to fall into his bed and sleep for hours.

The last days had been gruesome; the prince and his knights had been on a hunt for raiders who had ambushed travellers in the woods and had pillaged the smaller villages. Arthur could still see the horror in the eyes of the women and children; in the eyes of the people who had survived the attacks. The prince couldn’t shake the images of dead children, infants, who had been slaughtered in their cribs, of raped women who had shrunken back from him and his knights, of an old man who had cradled the head of a young boy in his lap, a head without a body.

Arthur worried about his younger knights, especially about Gawain. The young man had been horrified the whole week, and when they finally had caught up with the raiders, Gawain had lunged at them, without any regard for his own safety. Although he had been enraged himself, Arthur had tried to stay close to Gawain in the battle because the young knight still lacked experience. Thankfully, the raiders hadn’t stood a chance. The Knights of Camelot had overrun them. Only Percival and Kay had gotten hurt, superficially, a few flesh wounds here and there.

Still, while they were riding into the inner courtyard, Arthur promised himself to keep an eye on Gawain for the next few days. The young knight still looked like he was in shock, and the prince feared for an upcoming break-down.

After Arthur reined his horse in, he looked around for Merlin. Inwardly, he was more than glad that he had refused to take his manservant with him on this special hunt. He had wanted Merlin safe inside the castle; safe not only because of the expected fight but also safe from seeing what those monsters did to innocent people.

Arthur noticed Merlin wasn’t anywhere in the courtyard, so he sighed and dismounted. His manservant was probably still angry at the prince for not taking him on the ride. Merlin had become very close to Arthur, and he had not been happy to see the prince riding off on his own. Seriously, sometimes Merlin was worse than a mother-hen.

“Son! I’m glad to see you home again, unharmed.”

Arthur turned around to his father, reins still in his hand. Uther had his usual benevolent smile on his face. A stranger stood by his side.

“Father. We’re all unharmed as you can see.”

“Good, good. Arthur, I want you to meet Prince Badyn, Son of Lord Cendred of Aesctir. He came to Camelot a few days after you left, to warn us about the raiders. They had before plundered his father’s realm.”

With a slight bow, Badyn said, “Prince Arthur.”

Arthur acknowledged the other man with a short nod. Badyn was a good looking man, with green eyes, a shock of blond locks on his head and a winning smile.

Arthur hated him on sight.

Since Merlin and he had returned from Ealdor over a year ago, the prince had asked his manservant many questions about the way Cendred and his family ruled their land. What he had learned, had left him disgusted.

“What a shame then, that you hadn’t been able to catch them in your realm, Prince Badyn.”

“Oh, we have tried. Sadly, they had moved too quickly.”

“I’m sure.” With that, Arthur turned away to follow his knights to the stables.

***

After Arthur had led his horse to the stable boys, he noticed for the first time something didn’t feel right. There was no laughter anywhere, and the boy who had taken on his horse almost ran to Arthur’s stable. Looking around, Arthur observed that all the servants he could see seemed to be subdued.

“Something’s wrong here.”

Arthur glanced at Bedivere, his oldest knight, and answered, “I just thought the same. I have no idea what’s going on, but things feel off.”

“I will try to find out. Don’t mind me, but I’m sure it has to do with the ass you just welcomed. I’ve known Badyn for quite some time, and he is worse than those raiders we killed.”

“You know him?”

“Oh yes. And I’m sure,” Bedivere smiled grimly, “he still remembers me. Losing two fingers is hard to forget.”

“Two fingers? What is that, Bedivere? Why not his head?” Percival taunted.

Arthur looked up; almost every one of his knights had gathered around him and Bedivere, except for Kay and Gawain. They all stood in the middle of the ground right before the stables. And they were alone; everyone else was giving them wide berth.

“Percival, where is Gawain?”

“He is helping Kay to the doctor. You know Kay, Arthur. He is a big child when it comes to his pretty face.”

“You should go to Gaius yourself. You’re still bleeding, Percival.”

“As if! I can take care of myself. And anyway, Gaius is over there… I think Kay will faint when he can’t find him.”

Arthur looked in the direction Percival was pointing and spotted the old physician moving slowly towards the market. With a “Take care of yourselves, you lot!” Arthur walked over to Gaius, catching up with him under the archway that led to the outer courtyard.

“Gaius? Have you seen…?” Arthur broke off when he saw the other man literally jump at his voice. Gaius turned around to face him and the prince stared horrified at the old man. The entire right side of Gaius’ face was black and blue, his right eye swollen almost close. Arthur could see some kind of ridge under this eye and for a moment, he didn’t know what it was. Then he recognized it. It came from the rim of a gauntlet.

“Who did that?” Arthur seethed.

Gaius looked at him for a minute, then he shook his head.

“Let it go, Sire.”

“What do you mean, let it go? I want to know who did that!”

“Sire, please. If you get involved, you will make things even worse. So please…”

“Gaius. Who. Did. That?”

The physician sighed, and answered, “Your father.”

Arthur, who had been absolutely sure that he would hear the name Badyn, startled badly at that. The King had done this? But what…?

“My father? What in heaven’s name has happened here in the last days? Why would my father beat you? What’s going on here?”

“Your father was in his rights. I disobeyed him.”

“You disobeyed? Now that is shocking. And of course a reason to beat you with a gauntlet. I will speak to my father immediately and…”

“No! Arthur, please don’t. As I said before, if you do this, things will only get worse for me and others; maybe even for yourself. Please stay out of this. You can’t change it anymore.”

“What are you talking about? I can’t change what? This isn’t right, Gaius, and you know it. Who knows…?” The prince broke off because another thought came back to him. “Where is Merlin? Why isn’t he helping you?”

Gaius leaned back on the stone wall behind him and looked at Arthur full of sadness.

“I don’t know. I don’t know where he is.”

“What do you mean?”

“I…” Gaius suddenly glanced over Arthur’s shoulder and froze. “I don’t know, Sire.”

Arthur turned slightly and saw Badyn standing not far away, watching them.

“Arthur, please. Don’t confront the king with this. Believe me, please.”

***

About three hours later, Arthur entered his chambers. He had heeded Gaius’ advice and had actually managed to not talk with his father. Although the king didn’t seem to be able to, the prince knew that listening to the old man was the right thing to do. All too often in the past, Arthur had watched his father doing the opposite and it had been mostly Arthur and his knights who had paid the price for that.

Inwardly, the prince was still steaming and at the same time worrying deeply for Merlin. In the last hours, he had for a short time looked after Kay and Gawain; he had helped his fiercest knight to bandage his wounds and had sent his youngest knight to his room for sleep. And then, the prince had looked all over the place for Merlin, asking everyone he could think of. Everywhere, he had gotten the same answer: “I don’t know.” And everywhere he had looked into scared eyes. He had even pestered Geoffrey with his questions, but the old man hadn’t had an answer either. Geoffrey had only told him that he hadn’t seen Merlin for a few days, nothing more. It was quite evident to Arthur that everyone had evaded his questions and all this didn’t bode well for Merlin at all.

With a curse, Arthur threw his sword on the table. He didn’t know what to do now and although he was dead tired he doubted he would get any sleep. He tore on his chain mail and after some more heavy swearing finally got it off. Sitting down on the bed to deal with his boots, Arthur thought about what he would do tomorrow. He had to find out where Merlin was or what had happened to him. It was already dark outside and Arthur didn’t want to involve the guards; he had to wait at least until dawn, then he could take a few of his knights with him and start to search in earnest. Sighing, he let the second boot go and fell backwards on the bed.

It was almost completely dark here in his chambers, the only light came from the moon outside his windows. Well, there had been no one here to light a fire or the candles. Arthur sat up again and rubbed his face; he felt lonely. He had relied on Merlin and his never ending rambling to chase off the ghosts of the last days. And now… Gods, what could have happened to his manservant? What could have happened that had Gaius too intimidated to tell Arthur the truth? Because no matter what the old physician had said, Arthur was sure that Gaius knew.. maybe not where Merlin was right now but what had been going on with him. The prince was also sure that Badyn had something to do with whatever happened; and when Arthur found out what, he would make sure that in the future, the other prince would think fondly about his encounter with Bedivere. Arthur would…

A sudden noise startled Arthur out of his thoughts. He looked around in the dark room and listened hard. The strange rumbling sound had come from inside his chambers, the prince was sure. After he listened for another moment, he silently got up and took his sword. Then he moved to the wall on his left and listened again. Nothing. Arthur’s shoulders dropped a little; he was obviously already hearing things that weren’t there. Good thing no one was here to see him standing pressed to the wall, sword raised, only wearing his pants. He really should try and get at least a little sleep because… there! Not a rumbling this time, more like… a whimpering. Arthur’s hair stood up on end all over his body. This sound had been eerie and…

“A… A…rthur?”

The next second, the sword crashed onto the floor and the prince ran over to his oldest and biggest armoire, trying to open it. The doors were jammed but Arthur pulled at them with such violence that the right door came off its hinges. He laid it down, kneeled in front of the closet, peered into it –Gods, it was too dark to see a thing!- and finally he just felt around a bit. His hands immediately touched clammy skin.

“Merlin?”

No answer, just the whimpering sound again. Arthur closed his hand around a naked arm and tried to draw whoever it was out of the darkness but he had no luck. The other one shrank back from him and Arthur heard a swallowed sob. Dammit, he needed some light! The prince let go off the arm and rushed over to the fireplace to search for flint stones. After some attempts he managed to light a fire, grabbed a candlestick and lit the candle, too. Then he went back to the armoire and…

“Merlin!”

*~*~*~*~*

With a groan, Kay ripped open his door, looked at Percival and said, “WHAT?”

“Come with me. There’s trouble with Gawain.”

“What trouble?”

“I can’t tell. You’re close to him, maybe you can help.”

“Wait a moment.” Kay snatched some clothes from a chair, picked up his sword because in his world it was always a good thing to have it close, and followed Percival out in the hall. “Tell me.”

“He’s having nightmares. I could hear him scream through the wall. And when I went in he attacked me… I don’t think he was awake while doing so. Maybe you can…”

“What? Sing him a lullaby? Percival, it’s to be expected. After the shit that went down the last days…”

“I know. Nevertheless, I don’t want him to scream the whole night. I think we should be careful here the next days… watch out for trouble and not draw attention to us.”

“What are you going on about?”

“I talked to Bedivere about that creep Badyn. You know Lady Caelly?”

“What sort of question is that? Of course I know her, everyone does. Please don’t tell me Bedivere had managed to charm her? Gawain will hang himself.”

“Bedivere? Nah. If one of us _does_ charm her, I would bet on Henry. Or maybe Gawain, if he’s lucky. But Bedivere had a little chat with her about what was going on the last days. Since Badyn has arrived, he had quite a few meetings with Uther. Rumour is Cendred wants more than a peace treaty, he wants to join his realm with Camelot, under Uther’s reign.”

“What? Why would he want that?”

“Interesting question. I’m not sure, but think about it. Cendred is ill… I doubt it was his idea. Maybe Badyn is here with plans of his own. Listen, three days ago, Uther and Badyn and a few others, among them our lovely Lady Caelly, had dinner in the crown hall. And Merlin managed to dump a full jug of red wine over Badyn’s head. Uther flipped out and threw Merlin in the dungeons. And now it gets really interesting. Obviously Merlin had lived in Aesctir before he came here. And for some reason Badyn knew that, and he wanted Merlin out of the dungeons and delivered to him. He wanted to take him back to Aesctir to punish him for leaving.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“No.”

“But why would Badyn even know Merlin, let alone care about whether he left or not? Didn’t Merlin live in some outer village no one of Cendred’s family cared about? And what’s more troubling, Arthur will kill everyone who wants to take away his manservant, you know that.”

“Yeah. But hear me out. Two days after Badyn had gotten hold of Merlin -in chains, can you believe that?- the boy had vanished from his quarters this morning. And now Uther is talking about magic again.”

“Merlin… a _warlock_?”

“I know. It’s complete nonsense. But you know how our… _King_ acts by the slightest chance of sorcery.”

“How did he vanish?”

“Caelly told Bedivere her maid had said that Merlin had been screaming the whole two days… and then he had suddenly _vanished_. If you ask me, he’s dead.”

Kay stopped walking and stared at Percival. The other knight shrugged.

“Percival… if this is true, Arthur will… I don’t even know what he will do. But it won’t be pretty.”

“I know. And that is why I want us to lay low for awhile… and watch out for Gawain. I noticed Badyn staring at him today. Gawain is young, good-looking and freaked out. And Badyn is after pretty boys. I really don’t want any more trouble as we probably already have on our hands. Man, I’m telling you… if I’m right and Badyn killed Merlin and Arthur finds out… can you imagine what will happen if Uther mumbles something about Badyn doing the right thing?”

“Percival. You’re talking treason.”

“No. I’m talking about getting a new King.” Percival huffed. “Oh, don’t look so shocked, Kay. It’s not the first time we’re talking about stuff like that. Arthur… he adores Merlin. And I don’t care why. I love Arthur. We all have to stay close… and stand by _our_ Lord.”

“Did you talk to Arthur?”

“No, not yet. He was more exhausted than the rest of us. We should give him at least one night’s rest. Bedivere will talk to him tomorrow. Now… let’s help Gawain.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Merlin.”

Gods. Arthur had trouble recognizing this scared, dirty _thing_ as his manservant. Merlin was naked beside some ripped up pants, bloody all over as far as Arthur could see; he had a filthy face and hair, and was rocking his body back and forth.

“Merlin.”

Arthur set the candlestick down and reached out carefully for the other man. Merlin didn’t look at him at all, he just continued rocking himself. The moment Arthur’s hands made contact with Merlin’s skin, he again shrank away from Arthur, staring at him out of huge, unseeing eyes.

“No, no. Please don’t. Let me be.”

“Merlin. Hush, it’s me. Arthur.”

“No, please.”

“It’s okay. Whatever happened, it’s over. Merlin. Hey.”

Arthur tentatively laid his right hand on Merlin’s cheek, stroking slightly. His manservant was still pressed against the back of the armoire, but his rocking started to slow down somewhat. The easiest solution would be to just pull him out, but Arthur doubted it would be wise to do that. So he crawled into the armoire himself, sat down in front of Merlin and continued to talk softly with him. Inwardly, Arthur wanted to kill someone. It didn’t matter who was responsible for this, he was already dead.

“Merlin, come on. Look at me, hm? I’m back. No one will hurt you again.”

Merlin started to throw quick glances at Arthur, only to look away again whenever the prince leaned forward. So Arthur continued with the soft words, with the careful petting. He stroked over Merlin’s cheekbones and temples, and then tried to comb through the sable hair with his fingers. It didn’t work, the hair was too matted, so Arthur went back to simply stroking over it. He heard Merlin taking a deep breath and then, finally: “Arthur?”

 _Careful now,_ Arthur thought. _Slow and careful_ _._

“Yes, it’s me. Stay with me, alright? Merlin?”

The other man blinked a few times, and then for the first time, Merlin seemed to _look_ at the prince.

“Arthur?”

“Yes. I’m here, it’s okay.”

“Arthur.”

Merlin started to breathe very fast, and suddenly swayed towards Arthur, clutching at his arms. Arthur immediately opened them, drew Merlin into an embrace and onto his lap. His manservant tried to get as close as possible, burying his face into Arthur’s neck. He was still breathing far too quickly; silent sobs were shaking his body. Arthur hugged him carefully; he didn’t know yet what happened to Merlin and, above all, where all that blood was coming from. He started to stroke over Merlin’s back and stopped again at once; not only because the other man winced but also for what the prince was feeling. Arthur turned slightly with Merlin in his arms, so he could see his back in the candle light.

Arthur stared for a long time, never letting go of the trembling man; he stared until his vision became blurry. He stared at the long line of Merlin’s back, now a bloody mess, crisscrossed with whip marks.

***

After some more gentle coaxing, Arthur managed to lift Merlin out of the armoire and onto his bed. His manservant was still shaking all over and every few minutes, he retreated completely, seemingly unaware of his surroundings.

Arthur’s mind was a tumbling chaos. He didn’t know what to do because he didn’t know what had happened. Normally, he would send for Gaius and then take his sword and kill whoever was responsible for this. But tonight, this didn’t seem to be a good idea. Arthur could all too well remember Gaius’ warnings and the way the old physician had been treated; it was possible that Arthur’s father himself had hurt Merlin. It seemed unlikely, because the king rather killed than tortured… but… if Uther had been provoked by someone, or if Merlin had been accused of… sorcery for example, everything was possible.

Arthur bit his lips. It had been quite easy to think of sorcery, hadn’t it? Arthur had been suspicious for awhile now; but he hadn’t asked. Now he wished he had. The prince looked down at the trembling man at his side and thought: _Whatever_ _._ This was not the time to find out about Merlin’s secrets; Arthur had to care for Merlin’s wounds and he had to do it on his own. He needed hot water; thankfully Arthur had bandages and a few salves already in his rooms, due to the fact that he didn’t like to run to Gaius with every little scratch he got on the training’s field.

The moment Arthur stood up, Merlin startled out of his rocking motion and stared at the prince full of horror.

“Shhhh… I need some water, Merlin, that’s all. Calm down and… Merlin!”

With surprising speed, Merlin jumped from the bed and rushed towards the armoire again. Arthur managed to catch him mere seconds before he reached it; then Arthur tried to calm him down without restraining him too hard. Merlin didn’t lash about or shove, but he wriggled and writhed, again with that horrible whimpering sound.

“Hush. Merlin, come on, nothing will happen. Come back to the bed.”

Arthur gently pressed Merlin back in the direction of the bed, using his whole body. He kept one hand on the back of Merlin’s head; the other hand he left hanging down. Arthur tried to be as unthreatening as possible and still bring Merlin back where he wanted him to be.

After a few minutes, Merlin was sitting on the bed again, tensed all over. Arthur sat down on his heels in front of him. “Merlin. Look at me. Look at me. Listen, you stay here on the bed and I will draw the curtains close. No one will see you. No one will come in here, I promise you. I just need a bowl with hot water. Do you understand me?”

Merlin just stared down at Arthur without moving a muscle.

“Merlin. Alright, if you don’t want to talk, it’s okay. But please give me some sign that you understand what I’m saying. I don’t want you to go back into that closet. You will only hurt yourself further. Come on, get under the blankets. Good. I will draw the curtains and then you will just wait until I open them again, alright?”

Finally, Merlin nodded slightly and then curled himself into a tight ball, vanishing completely under the bed spread. Arthur straightened up slowly and closed the curtains, then breathed deeply for a moment and went over to the door. He opened it to the width of a chink, and called for a guard.

Only a few minutes later, the guard handed him a huge bowl with steaming water. Arthur locked the door, went back to the bed and sat the bowl down beside it. He hesitated for a moment, then he lit some more candles around the bed and put more logs into the fireplace. Eventually, Arthur opened the bed curtains again and slowly pulled the blanket back.

Merlin looked up at him, trembling but awake, really awake for the first time. Arthur smiled at him.

“Hey.”

“H…hey.”

It was more a croak than a human sound, but it was also the first answer Arthur had gotten from his manservant in over a week. Blinking rapidly, Arthur fetched a cup of water and held it to Merlin’s lips.

“Slowly. Slowly! You’ll make yourself sick!”

Merlin swallowed the rest of the water and licked his lips.

“More, please?”

“In a few moments, alright? How long have you been without something to drink?”

Merlin shrugged slightly, evading Arthur’s gaze.

“’m not sure.”

“When did you come here?”

Merlin’s face became pale and Arthur could see that he started to withdraw again.

“No, no. Merlin? Stay with me, okay? Forget the questions, just stay with me!”

The prince held out another cup of water and watched desperately while Merlin was teetering on the brink of giving into shock again; finally, his manservant blinked two times and reached out hesitantly for the water. Seeing how badly the hand trembled, Arthur steadied it with his own and brought the cup to Merlin’s mouth.

“Alright. Look, I have to do something for your back. I’ll have to clean you up; I guess it will hurt a bit. But afterwards you will feel better, I promise, okay?”

Merlin nodded and turned slowly around until his back was in front of Arthur. The prince swallowed hard; it had looked bad enough in the light of only one candle. Now… Arthur swallowed again, clenched his teeth and wetted the first piece of linen, pressing it softly against Merlin’s skin.

 

***

Arthur went on and on, revealing the gruesome whip marks under all that grime and blood. He tried not to think about what had happened, how Merlin must have felt, about who had held the whip. Thankfully the wounds didn’t start to bleed again; they had to be at least one day old. But some of them looked inflamed, and Arthur started to spread the salve over them carefully. Merlin didn’t flinch, didn’t move at all, although Arthur knew it had to hurt like hell.

On Merlin’s arms, which were bruised all over, Arthur put another salve. He bandaged the wrists and forearms because they looked almost black; Arthur didn’t need to ask how that had happened, he recognized defense injuries.

When he was done, he stood up again, shoved the bowl with the bloody water to the side and got one of his softest shirts and a pair of night pants.

Arthur helped Merlin into the shirt and said, “Come on, let’s get rid of those pants of yours.”

Merlin, who had seemed a bit drowsy by now, tensed all over again, shook his head and drew back from Arthur’s hands.

“Merlin, please. They are dirty and already ripped all over.”

Arthur pulled the blanket back and while Merlin scrambled away the prince noticed for the first time something odd on Merlin’s feet. He took hold of his manservant’s right foot and stared at the broad iron bracket around the ankle. He could also see about three remaining chain links attached to it; the chain hadn’t been broken, it looked… molten.

Arthur looked up at Merlin’s face and swallowed his questions, as hard as it was to do. Merlin had already stopped speaking again; Arthur didn’t want to make him retreat even further.

“You didn’t want me to see that, hm? Merlin, I don’t care about how you… I just don’t. Not for a long time now. I’m just happy you managed to flee and come here, and that you’re still alive. Now,” Arthur let go of Merlin’s foot and shook the pants out, “These are my favorite sleeping pants. You should feel honored I give them to you. Now, come on, get out of these… I can’t even call them pants anymore.”

Arthur’s stab at humour fell flat. Merlin didn’t smile, he just stared at the prince for some time and then, with a strangely hopeless sigh, started to take the pants off. Arthur didn’t help; it was clear that Merlin didn’t want to be touched anymore than he had to. So Arthur fiddled with the strings of the new pants and looked up the moment Merlin slowly raised his hips to peel his pants off. His buttocks and thighs were streaked with dried blood.

After seeing this, things became blurry for Arthur. He knew he trembled and he had trouble breathing, but everything else was drowned in a blood red haze.

*~*~*~*~*

“Gawain?”

Kay knocked again.

“Gawain, are you awake?”

With a sigh, Kay turned around to Percival and said, “Now what?”

“Maybe you should open the door? But draw your sword first; I’m telling you, he immediately lunged at me before.”

“Oh this is great.” Kay drew his sword and slowly opened the door. He could see the light from the fireplace and a part of Gawain’s bed, but he didn’t see the young knight. “Gawain? Where are you?”

Silence.

Breathing deeply, Kay peered around the corner of the door and prayed to the Gods that no lunatic, sleep-walking Gawain would hack his head off. He relaxed when he saw no one and opened the door wide.

Both knights entered, still carefully, and looked around. There was no sign of the young man. After Kay had even looked under the bed, he said, “He isn’t here.”

“Shit. You know what that means? We have a sleep-walking, armed Gawain somewhere in the castle.”

“He isn’t armed.” Kay pointed to Gawain’s sword lying on the floor.

“Kay? You remember we’re talking about Gawain?” Percival was spreading his arms and pointed to the walls. “There are so many weapons in this room, we wouldn’t know if Gawain had taken five swords with him.”

“Terrific. Okay, get Bedivere, we have to search for Gawain.”

“What about Arthur?”

“Nah, you’ve said it yourself, he’s exhausted. I think we’ll manage.”

Kay watched Percival leave, then he sunk down on Gawain’s bed, sighing heavily. He was tired to the bone himself, and what he really wanted was to go back to sleep. But that was out of the question; they had to look out for themselves. With a groan, he leaned back a bit on the bed and suddenly jumped up again, staring at his right hand. It was bloody all over. He pulled the spread away and saw a huge red blotch on the mattress.

Kay backed off slowly. What the hell had happened here?

***

“Are you sure he hadn’t been hurt in the fight?”

“Bedivere, I am sure. I was the one who got hurt. And even if he did get some scratch, that doesn’t explain the amount of blood here.”

Percival stepped in. “Okay. This still doesn’t mean that he got attacked or something. There is no sign of a fight. And who would attack one of Arthur’s knights?”

“Now I can think of someone, Percival. This ass Badyn would…”

“Whoa. Bedivere, I know you can’t stand him and I know what you told me about what happened to Merlin, but there is still a difference between attacking a servant as opposed to attacking a knight. And I was only away to get Kay, maybe half an hour. It’s far more likely that he hurt himself while sleep walking and either woke up and went down to Gaius or he’s running around somewhere in the castle. So I say, we should go and look for him.”

“Still, Percival, this isn’t…”

Kay, who had looked back and forth between the other two knights, raised both of his hands. “Hey! Maybe we should go and look? Like NOW? There is a lot of blood here, so I don’t really care what has happened, I just want to find him, okay?”

“You’re right. We have to split up so we can cover more ground. Percival, get Henry, too. You two will look around in the castle, Kay and me, we’re going outside. We’ll meet again in two hours by the stables. And oh, Percival… maybe you should knock on Lady Caelly’s door, too? Who knows where Gawain went?”

Percival smiled. “Well, Henry would be so disappointed but hell, if we find Gawain in her chambers, I will congratulate him and go to bed.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Arthur? Arthur?”

Arthur slowly came to, blinking rapidly. His hands were gripping the edge of the table so tightly the heavy black wood was creaking under them. He tried to let go and had to swallow a groan; his fingers hurt like hell. The prince had no idea at all how long he had stood here, but he still remembered why. He closed his eyes again.

“Arthur?”

Merlin. Gods, he… Arthur didn’t know what to do, hell, he didn’t even know how to look at the other man. Why hadn’t he taken Merlin with him? Why had he ever let Merlin out of his sight? He was responsible for Merlin; he always had been. The whipping and his other injuries were bad enough but this… not only didn’t Arthur know how to handle it, he also knew that _this_ had destroyed every hope Arthur had had for… He shook his head, clenched his teeth and gripped the table again; still he couldn’t prevent the first tear running down his face.

“Arthur? I’m sorry.”

Arthur straightened up and spun around so quickly he almost lost his footing and went down. At the last moment, he braced himself on the table and stared at his manservant, tears flowing freely now.

“Don’t you say that! You hear me? Don’t you say that. There is nothing you have to be sorry for. It’s my fault! My fault alone. I should have protected you… and I left you alone. I left you…I… I’m so sorry. Merlin, I’m so sorry!”

“Arthur!”

Merlin sat up on the bed, reaching out for Arthur.

“Come here. Please, come here.”

The prince stumbled the few steps to the bed, going down on his knees in front of his manservant. He buried his face in his hands, going on and on about how sorry he was, even though he knew how meaningless these words were. After some time, he noticed Merlin was pulling feebly on his arms. Arthur got up to sit on the bed but found himself drawn into a tight embrace. So he pushed his face into the soft shirt Merlin was wearing and started to cry like a little child, cursing himself but not able to stop the tears.

A few minutes later, while they still clung to each other as if they would shatter when letting go, Arthur was starting to feel so pathetic he couldn’t stand it anymore. He shouldn’t be comforted by Merlin, dammit, _he_ had to take care of Merlin. Arthur slowly pulled back, wiping the tears from his face with both hands. He looked hesitantly at the other man and saw Merlin still leaning against him, his eyes closed. Arthur felt himself shaking inside; he tried to quash this reaction with a vengeance. He wasn’t allowed to fall apart more than he already had. He had to do _something_ , he had to help Merlin… but he still didn’t know how. He couldn’t… he didn’t know…

“Merlin? Merlin, I need to get Gaius. I need help with…”

His manservant’s eyes popped open, and Merlin’s hands closed around Arthur’s arms.

“NO!”

“Merlin, I need…”

“No! You can’t. He can’t. Your father said… he said he would kill Gaius if… he treated me again.”

Arthur stared at Merlin. _His father?_ For a second, he had a weird feeling of floating; then he jumped up and raced to the window. He barely made it. Hanging halfway over the ledge, he threw up; he was so violently sick to the stomach that he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to stop. Numbly, Arthur heard Merlin call out for him but he couldn’t react to the plea. Inside him, he felt hate growing so quickly he got dizzy with it. His father. His own father.

Finally, Arthur noticed the sounds coming from behind him; Merlin was crying. And he was apologizing _again_.

The prince straightened up slowly, looking down at his trembling hands. _Get a grip_ _,_ he thought to himself. _Merlin comes first. Then you can seek your revenge._

Arthur turned around and walked over to the table, pouring himself a cup of water. He didn’t dare yet look at the man on his bed; he knew his eyes were still full of hate and he didn’t want Merlin to see this and misunderstand it. He swallowed the luke-warm water quickly, almost choked on it and then went over to sit beside his crying manservant. He fetched one of the fur blankets and laid it over Merlin’s lap.

“Merlin… I know this is not enough but I promise you, my…” Arthur swallowed; he wasn’t even able to call this man ‘father’ anymore. “I promise you, the King will never lay a hand on you again.”

Merlin blinked the tears away.

“What… what do you mean?”

Arthur shook his head. “Don’t concern yourself with this now.” The prince stroked gently over the sable hair. “From tomorrow on, no one will dare to touch you against your will again; when I’m King, you will be…”

“What? Arthur, what are you talking about?”

Arthur tried to smile but didn’t manage it. “Do you think I will let him live after he ra… after he did this to you? I will bring him to justice; so don’t be…”

“Arthur! Gods, your father… your father didn’t do… this.”

“But you said…”

Merlin’s face became pale again; he looked at Arthur as if he thought he would be slapped any minute now.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just… your father forbid Gaius to treat the wounds on my back, from the whipping. And you know Gaius, he did it anyway. But…” Merlin’s eyes became big and he started to tremble, “But _someone_ … uh… caught him and called Uther. Your father hit Gaius and told him… he would kill him if he disobeyed again. Then he left with Gaius. And I… uh. That’s all your father did.”

 _That’s all your father did_ _._ The words echoed through Arthur’s mind. His father may not have been the one to hurt Merlin, but he let it happen. That wasn’t far from actually _doing_ harm. Still…

“Merlin? I can’t imagine how you must feel but… I have to know. What happened? And who did this?”

“Arthur, I… I can’t…”

“Prince Badyn? Did Badyn do this to you?”

Merlin’s right hand took hold of one of the bed posts; his knuckles turned white immediately. He looked down on the floor and nodded.

“How? How did that bastard get hold of you? What…” Arthur was interrupted when Merlin jumped up. His manservant backed off towards the armoire, holding the fur blanket awkwardly around his hips.

“Arthur, I can’t! I can’t! Stop it, please!” It should have been a scream, but Merlin’s voice was so hoarse that Arthur barely understood him at all. But he did understand and knew he had pushed too hard. Again.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Please come back here.”

“No, I’m sorry. I know I have to tell you but… right now I feel like… like…”

Arthur took a big leap forward, just in time to catch Merlin before he hit the floor. He couldn’t prevent Merlin’s fall entirely, but at least he fell on top of Arthur. The obvious pain this drop caused brought Merlin back to consciousness; he groaned quietly.

Arthur embraced the man who was basically sitting in his lap carefully. “You’re alright? Merlin?”

Merlin leaned his forehead on Arthur’s shoulder. The prince could see him shaking his head.

“No. I don’t… Arthur, I don’t know if I ever...”

*~*~*~*~*

Kay leaned back against one of the stables, sighing loudly. Bedivere and he had been searching _everywhere_ ; still, no trace of Gawain. Neither in the inner nor the outer courtyard. Not in the stables. Not on the training’s field. Not in the rose garden. No where. No guard had seen him either, but that didn’t come as such a big surprise. Kay was very sure that all the guards slept through the night, standing up like horses. Right now he felt close to doing the same. Especially since the other two knights were _late_.

“Bedivere, I’m telling you… if Percival and Henry have found Gawain and then gone to bed without telling us, I will kill them.”

Bedivere leaned heavily against the stable wall himself. “I’ll help you. I’ll even bury them.”

Kay just opened his mouth to respond when he heard someone running towards them. It was living proof how spooked both knights were that they immediately drew their swords; only to let go of them again when they saw Henry racing around the corner.

“Henry! Dammit, man, we’re waiting for…”

“Shut up! Shut up, both of you! Come with me!”

Kay stared at the other man; he had never seen Henry in this state before. Sir Henry was the calmest of Arthur’s knights; Kay doubted he had ever heard this man yell at someone. Until now.

Both of them followed Henry around the stables, over the inner courtyard and down to the dungeons. Kay noticed that no guard was to be seen down here… which didn’t make sense because although there seemed to be no prisoners in the dungeons at the moment, usually at least two guards were always on watch anyway.

“Henry, where…?”

“Shut up!”

Henry led them further and further into the tunnels, until they came to a cell Kay had never seen before. Hell, he had never been so far under the castle in his life.

As they entered the room, Kay looked around. At the first moment, he couldn’t see anything out of order but then he spotted something lying on the floor. He bent down, grabbed a piece of linen and let it go again suddenly, jumping backwards, almost crashing into Bedivere.

“What the hell…?”

Kay didn’t even acknowledge Bedivere; he turned to Henry. “What happened here?”

Henry stared at him out of huge eyes; the man looked like a scared kid at the moment. By now, Bedivere had taken a glance at the piece of clothing that was lying on the filthy floor and made an appalled sound.

Kay still didn’t pay attention to him. “Henry?”

“We… uh… we searched for Gawain. As you ordered, we knocked on Lady Caelly’s door, too. He wasn’t there. But… as soon as she found out we were searching for a wounded Gawain, she wanted to come with us. She insisted. We said no but she wasn’t even listening. Well, she..”

“Henry! Quit stalling!”

“I’m not! Because if she wouldn’t have been with us, we would have never found him. She knew about this room here; obviously it’s been used for…”

“Henry! Where is he? And what happened to him?”

“Kay…”

Kay took a step forward and started to shake Henry. “What? Huh? What? Is he dead? What?” Kay had pressed Henry against the wall and with every word he shoved the younger man onto the stone. All of a sudden, he felt a hand on his arm and although he immediately tried to lash out he got pulled back hard by Bedivere.

“Kay, dammit! This isn’t Henry’s fault! So calm down, will you?”

Kay had a lot to say to that but suddenly he saw the beige sleeping pants hanging from Bedivere’s hand. Well, they had been beige at some time, now they were a reddish-brown. As it did before, his mind went blank.

He heard Bedivere say, “Henry? Where is Gawain now?”

“Uh… in Caelly’s chambers. We thought… no one would look for him there. Bedivere, he… he…”

“He was raped.”

“Yes.”

For a minute, the room sat silent.

Then Bedivere said, “I’ll get Arthur.”

“No! No don’t!”

“Henry…”

“Bedivere, please. Gawain begged that no one should tell Arthur. Listen, we don’t even know yet who did it; Gawain doesn’t want to talk about it. He…”

“I have a very good idea who is responsible for this!”

“So do I. I think we all know. But Bedivere, Badyn couldn’t have overpowered Gawain on his own…”

“Badyn has two ‘knights’ with him…”

“I know. But still, please believe me, right now… Arthur… he will lose it… and Gawain won’t be able to deal with an infuriated Arthur. Listen, Percival got Gaius; he’s treating Gawain right now. Or maybe I should say, Gaius tells Caelly what to do; Gawain doesn’t want to be touched by a… you know.”

“Arthur _has_ to be informed.”

“Yes, I know that, too. But not now. We wait until it’s morning, alright? Gaius has given Gawain a sleeping potion… and you know what will come to pass when Arthur learns about what happened. _That_ on top of what had been done to Merlin… Arthur will kill Badyn. And you know, Uther will want a witness. Gawain isn’t awake now or at least he isn’t in any state to say something coherent. Please.”

Bedivere groaned and run a hand over his face; Kay saw the hand was trembling. Kay didn’t want to wait until morning, but he also didn’t want to wake Arthur. He wanted to go up there to that bastard and kill him and his two pals right now, Uther be damned. But for all that, his training kicked in. Bedivere was the oldest knight; if Arthur would have a First Knight, Bedivere would be it. So _he_ had to decide what to do.

After staring at the floor for awhile, Bedivere looked up, eyes cold.

“Alright. We’ll wait. But we will go up there and guard. I want to know what happened as keenly as possible. That means I want to talk with Gaius and Caelly. And with Gawain as soon as he can be asked.”

Henry closed his eyes with obvious relief while Kay suppressed his disappointment as much as he could. Arthur had drilled this line-in-command thing into their heads, so even Kay obeyed.

“Henry?” Bedivere asked.

“Yes?”

“What do you know about Merlin? Did they find a body yet?”

“No. No, but… you just have to look at Gaius. Did you know that Uther has hit him?”

“Yeah. I heard.” Bedivere took a deep breath. “This is the worst night I ever had to live through. And believe me, this nightmare will follow us into the morning. Let’s go.”

 

~*~

 

“They’re dirty,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur looked at the pants Merlin had been wearing and which were now in Arthur’s hand. Thankfully Merlin’s fall hadn’t hurt him further and now they were both back on the bed. Merlin was still without pants but Arthur has thrown every fur and every blanket he had found over his manservant.

“Stinks.” Merlin went on, just as quiet.

Arthur knew what Merlin was talking about; he had smelled the urine from the pants before. It had just made him madder. The prince still had no idea how to act around Merlin; the easiest way would be to put his usual mask on. But he doubted Merlin wanted to see it. On the other hand, he couldn’t let the insane hatred he felt show; feeling it was already too much. For Merlin to see any hate now… even if not directed at him… well Arthur just didn’t know how he would react. Another possibility would be crying again but that was out, too. Dammit, even Merlin didn’t cry anymore.

“I stink, too.”

“Merlin, you have nothing on you I haven’t seen or smelled before. So please don’t worry about any of it. And as for the pants…” Arthur flung them into the fireplace where the flames consumed them at once. “They’re gone now.”

“I’m dirty, too.”

Arthur looked at Merlin’s face and froze. Gods. He was gone again and Arthur hadn’t even noticed it. Merlin’s eyes were glassy and they stared at nothing. Arthur grabbed one of the blankets with both hands; he was out of his depths here and he knew it. After a few seconds he said, “Merlin?” and raised a hand slowly to pet the dark hair. That had worked twice now; maybe it would work again.

Thanks to the heavens, it did. Merlin startled slightly, but he looked up at Arthur almost immediately and calmed down again.

“Sorry… what?”

“Nothing. You just… doesn’t matter. Merlin…” _Gods!_ How could Arthur say it? “Merlin, look… I know what you’ve said about Gaius. But… you could be badly hurt. I worry, okay? What do you say… I go down to Gaius. No one would ever know that…”

“No! Please.”

“Merlin…”

“Arthur, it’s… it isn’t… bleeding anymore.”

“How do you know that?”

Merlin evaded his gaze. “I just know.”

Again, Arthur didn’t know what to say or to do. He couldn’t just go down to Gaius despite Merlin’s will… hell, he couldn’t leave this room at all. And, even more important, he couldn’t examine Merlin himself. Arthur knew that this would be necessary, maybe even life-saving. But he couldn’t do it. Merlin would never allow it and alone the thought about acting against Merlin’s wishes was…

“I’m dirty.”

Scared, Arthur looked up. But Merlin hadn’t retreated again; he just looked deeply unhappy, crushed, and stroked slowly over one of the furs. Maybe… Arthur had a sudden flash of intuition.

“What would you think about taking a bath?”

Merlin glanced at him; Arthur could see longing in his eyes.

“That would be… wonderful. But… Arthur, it’s the middle of the night…”

“Doesn’t matter. Many of the _noblemen_ like to bathe in the night.”

“But I’m not…”

“Merlin. No one will know you are here. We do the same we did before. You slip under the blankets, I draw the curtains. I will tell the guards to send servants because _I_ want a bath. Alright?”

Merlin nodded. After he had hidden his manservant properly, Arthur went over to the door again, calling out for a guard.

“Sire?”

“I want to take a bath. Tell the servants on duty to bring the large tub and lots of hot water immediately.” Arthur hesitated for a moment, then continued. “And you go down to Gaius. I have a few inflamed wounds on my legs; I need something soothing for the bath water.”

“Should I tell him to come by, Sire?”

“No. I have no desire at all to be swamped with Gaius’ pampering. Just tell him what I told you and bring me what he gives you.”

With that, Arthur closed the door again and took a deep breath.

*~*~*~*~*

“Kay, please stop running around and sit down, I beg you. You’re making me crazy!”

Kay shot one look at Percival and continued to pace through the small vestibule in front of Lady Caelly’s chambers. The room was far too small for that, even without three knights with swords in it, but Kay didn’t care. Neither did Henry, obviously. He just sat on a little chair in one corner and stared at nothing. Kay wasn’t sure if he would prefer to be in this state of mind. Kay himself was seething and wanting to lash out against someone. _Someone_. He also wanted to know what was going on inside Caelly’s chambers. Bedivere and Gaius were talking too silently for Kay to make out the words; the only sounds he had clearly heard were the ones made by Gawain. And by the Gods, he wished he hadn’t heard them. The young knight didn’t sound human, he sounded like an animal in a trap.

“Kay!”

“Shut up, Percival! Believe me, I’m in no mood to humor…”

A sudden knock on the door made Kay break off. Every one of them, even Henry, jumped and drew their swords. For a moment, they just stared at each other and then Kay moved towards the door, sheathing his sword again. He waved the other two knights out of sight, then opened the door.

“Ah, Sir Kay, I…”

A bewildered and suddenly scared looking guard was staring up at him. As almost every guard, he started to stammer when confronted with Kay. Usually, the knight loved the reaction he got from the mostly too-stupid-to-live guards; today, he couldn’t have cared less.

“What do you want?”

“Uh… I’m searching for Gaius, Sire. A servant told me Sir Percival brought him… here?”

Kay eyed the guard unfriendly. “What do you need him for?”

“Er… I…”

Before the guard could stutter out whatever he had wanted to say, Kay heard the door behind him open and saw the guard’s eyes widen. He turned around to see Bedivere coming out of Caelly’s chambers, hand on the hilt.

“What’s going on here?”

“He needs Gaius.”

Bedivere turned to the guard.

“Lady Caelly is in need of the physician right now. Whatever you want, you will have to wait.”

“But, Sire… Prince Arthur… he needs some medicine for himself. His legs are hurt and he told me to go to Gaius and get something for his wounds. He doesn’t want Gaius to come by, he just needs some… medicine.”

Kay and Bedivere looked at each other. Kay knew that this didn’t make sense at all. Firstly, Arthur hadn’t been injured. Secondly, the prince would _never_ send a guard to Gaius, he would go down himself if he needed something.

“Wait a moment,” Bedivere said and closed the door in front of the guard’s face. Then he turned around again and grunted, “What the hell?”

“I have no idea.” Kay shook his head. “I _know_ Arthur wasn’t hurt. Bedivere, this doesn’t sound good. Maybe Badyn wants to get his hands on Gaius for some reason. We shouldn’t…”

“I don’t think so.” Kay and Bedivere stared at Henry, who was just sheathing his own sword and looked at them out of tired eyes. “I don’t think this is about Badyn or Uther… we’re starting to see ghosts. No, I can think of another reason why Arthur would need _medicine_. Maybe he has found _someone_ who needs it. Think about it… and think about what Gaius told us… why Uther had hit him. That could be the reason why Arthur doesn’t want Gaius to show up… and why Arthur hasn’t gone down to him himself.”

“You think… Merlin?”

“Yes. Only way this makes sense.”

Bedivere thought about it for a moment, then he nodded.

“Alright, I’ll get him. But… if you should be wrong, Henry, then it would be a good idea to send someone with Gaius. You’re up for it, Kay?”

Kay smiled. Almost hoping Henry had it wrong, he petted his sword.

“It will be my pleasure.”

*~*~*~*~*

Arthur had drawn back one curtain and sat on the bed, staring at the steaming water in the bathtub. Positioned in front of the fireplace, the tub was surrounded by lots of buckets with equally hot water and a few ones with cold water. The servants had come and done their job quickly, avoiding any eye contact with the prince. Arthur could only guess how he looked; he would bet it wasn’t charming. But at least the servants had been in and out fast, even his order for some food had been followed immediately.

Now Arthur was waiting for that idiot guard he had sent to Gaius. Where was that lazy fool? If the water was too cool to bath when the guard came back Arthur would make him fill the tub again on his own.

Behind Arthur, Merlin was still lying under the spread. He was so quiet that Arthur had lifted the blanket a few minutes ago just to see if the injured man was still breathing. He had met huge eyes staring at him, had murmured a few reassuring words and had let the blanket go. Arthur knew it was madness but the silence was already scaring him again; he just had to wait a few moments before he could look a second time. This damn guard! Where the hell…

Finally, _finally_ there was a knock on the door. Arthur stood up, drew the curtain close and opened the door.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“I’m so sorry, Sire. Gaius hadn’t been in his rooms and it took me some time to find him. He was in Lady Caelly’s chambers and even then, Sir Bedivere didn’t let him go with me at once. So we didn’t…”

“Bedivere?”

“Um, yes, Sire. Sir Bedivere, Sir Kay, Sir Henry and Sir Percival were in the front hall, waiting for Lady Caelly, I think. Gaius was with her, Sir Bedivere only called him when I told him that you have need of him, Sire.”

Four of his knights in front of a noblewoman’s chambers? In the middle of the night? Arthur felt something icy wander down his back. He stared at the guard and suppressed every question he had when he saw intense curiosity in the other man’s eyes. Gods, this would be over the castle in one hour.

Arthur laughed quietly and asked, only to himself, “Well, so they are still trying to play up to her?” Then he glanced up and threw a piercing look at the guard. “If I were you, I would keep my mouth shut. Sir Kay doesn’t like idle talk. Give me the medicine!”

The suddenly pale guard – and how easy it was sometimes to kill rumours when one mentioned Sir Kay – handed over a large but surprisingly light weighted bag, “This is for the bath, Gaius said all of it into the bath water,” and another small pouch, “A few bandages and salves, Sire.”

Arthur shut the door and locked it, then leaned back against it. What the hell? Even if Lady Caelly had fallen gravely ill… it didn’t make sense. Henry and Gawain would, yes, but Bedivere and Percival? Kay? As far as Arthur knew, none of them had shown great interest in her in the past. The whole thing sounded like they were guarding her but… four knights? Arthur gritted his teeth; it didn’t matter anyway. Whatever had happened, he couldn’t just run over there. He had to trust Bedivere to do his job; if his oldest knight thought Arthur should be informed, he would come here.

Arthur laid the smaller bag on the table and unknotted the bigger one. After he peered into it, he opened it wide and stared at hundreds of chamomile blossoms. So Merlin would have to take a bath in flowers; well, Gaius should know best. Arthur emptied the whole bag into the tub, looked at the mess a bit doubtfully and finally went over to his bed to get Merlin.

***

Arthur read the ‘letter’ from Gaius for the tenth time. After he had helped Merlin settle into the tub, Arthur had opened the second bag from the physician, expecting the mentioned bandages and probably one of the salves he already had in his chambers. There were bandages, but no salve, only a small flask. After Arthur had opened it, he had leaned back due to the tang that emitted from it. He had never smelled anything like that before. He also had never seen such a strange opening… it was drawn-out and almost pointy at the end. Then he had seen the tiny piece of parchment with Gaius’ handwriting on it. _For wounds on more delicate body parts_ _._

So Gaius had known what happened and Arthur didn’t have to be a genius to understand that the old man had thought Merlin dead. The prince couldn’t imagine what Gaius would think now… about not being called for help, about Arthur taking on this task alone…

Arthur tried in vain to keep his thoughts on the court physician, though. As it had always done, right after reading this sentence Arthur’s gaze jumped to the innocent looking flask. In Arthur’s mind, a snake ready to strike couldn’t have looked scarier. He would have to… he couldn’t… Arthur swallowed. One step after the other. He had to talk to Merlin anyway; Arthur just hoped the bath and maybe something to eat would make the other man drowsy and more approachable.

“Chamomile helps with inflamed wounds.”

Arthur turned around slightly to look at Merlin. His manservant didn’t look comfortable, to say the least. Although Arthur had ordered the big tub, Merlin was still too tall –just like Arthur himself- to really _lie_ in the hot water; knees and shoulders were sticking out. On his left knee, there were a few yellow flowers Merlin was just picking on which probably had brought on the remark.

“Then maybe you should try to get some of the water onto your back?” Arthur was already standing up to help the other man.

“Yes, probably,” Merlin answered without looking up. He tried to slide forward in the tub and had to brace himself with his right foot on the rim, grimacing slightly.

“Wait, I’ll help you. You shouldn’t twist yourself up that way.” Arthur went over to the tub. His gaze then fell on the broad iron bracket around Merlin’s ankle. Arthur hesitated for a moment, and changed his course towards his commode. He searched through the top drawer until he found his key ring and returned to Merlin.

“Let me get that thing off your leg, okay?”

Merlin looked at Arthur hopelessly.

“It’s a… uh… you won’t get it off. It’s not one of Camelot’s chains.”

Arthur could see that. On closer examination, the bracket didn’t even seem to be made of iron; it had a reddish hue and there were some kind of runes engraved on it. It did have a fairly normal looking key hole, though.

“Yes, I know. Still, I may be able to open it.” Arthur took hold of Merlin’s foot and tried to push the ring upwards somewhat. It was so tight that it barely moved; Arthur could see that the skin beneath it looked almost burned. He kept his head down, gritting his teeth as tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision as he tried to insert the first key.

A few minutes later it became clear that none of Arthur’s many keys could open the bracket. But the prince was far from giving up; he wasn’t a locksmith but he knew how locks worked and now he was trying to open it with a small iron nail. Arthur hissed under his breath, close to losing his patience when the nail slipped again and again.

“Arthur… please stop. You can’t open that thing, it’s… made of magic.” After saying that, Merlin drew his shoulders up and tried to shrink away as far as possible from the prince.

Arthur just nodded and kept working with the nail. “I know. I guess it had been made to suppress one’s magic?”

When Merlin didn’t answer the prince looked up. His manservant stared at him. “You know?”

Arthur looked back at the keyhole. He really didn’t want to talk about this right now, feeling disappointed that Merlin hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him about his secret without pressure. But now was not the time for his hurt feelings… and after all, he hadn’t been exactly acting friendly towards anything that had to do with sorcery.

“I suspected for awhile.” He grimaced when the nail got stuck. “It doesn’t really matter now. I mean, of course it matters… but it’s not something you should be scared of telling me.”

“I should have told you long ago.”

Arthur again shoved away his feelings of disappointment. “I would think you had your reasons, Merlin. As I said, it’s not important now. I’m not mad at you. Just… I surely wish you had told me.” Arthur bit his lips. _Stop it!_ he thought. _Don’t you dare lay more guilt on him!_ “Merlin… believe me, we will have time later to talk about it. You have to know that this isn’t changing my… feelings for you.” Arthur closed his eyes. This was another thing he _really_ shouldn’t bring up now. What the hell was wrong with him? He swallowed and tried again. “What I want to know is why Badyn had this chain with him?”

Merlin made a small sound, and Arthur looked up at him again.

“What? What is it?”

“Arthur… I…” Merlin was actually trembling; Arthur saw the bath water and the blossoms on it wavering. The prince let go of the foot in his hands and crawled over to the other side of the tub. He carefully raised one hand and when he saw that Merlin didn’t draw back he laid it on the other man’s naked shoulder. Inwardly, he noticed for the first time that Merlin didn’t seem to be afraid of his touch at all; the times his manservant had shoved him away had always happened when Arthur pushed too far with questions, never with a touch. Quite the opposite, in fact… Arthur’s touch seemed to calm Merlin.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“It’s all my fault.” Arthur started to shake his head at once but Merlin grabbed the prince’s forearm. “It is. You will hate me when you learn the truth.”

Arthur let go of Merlin’s shoulder and drew his arm back until he could clasp his hand around Merlin’s. “I could _never_ hate you, never. No matter what you will tell me, nothing could make me hate you.”

Merlin watched him for a moment, then he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Uh… I’m not sure where to start.”

“At the beginning, Badyn’s arrival?”

“I’m afraid it won’t make sense when I start there. You asked about the chains… uh… Morgause gave them to Ba… Badyn.”

“Morgause? That blond sorceress? The one who conjured the image of my mother? The witch who kidnapped Morgana?”

Merlin stared at him out of huge eyes. “Arthur… Gods, there is so much you don’t know. I… I have no idea how to even try telling you…”

Arthur gripped Merlin’s hand tighter. He had an extremely bad feeling about many things all of a sudden; he hated to be lied to and as it seemed, there had been many lies. Arthur would make a bet though that Merlin had been caught somewhere in the middle of this without wanting to. Again his thoughts turned towards his father, dark thoughts indeed.

“Just tell me what you think I have to know to understand _this_ situation. Leave the rest for another time, all right?”

“Okay. Uh… Morgause didn’t kidnap Morgana. She was working with Morgause… Arthur…. Morgana is a witch herself.” Merlin glanced at the prince again. Arthur swallowed and said nothing. “Er… you remember when almost everyone in Camelot died? Morgana was the… the cause of all this. I think… I think she wanted to kill your father. I’m sure Morgause wanted to kill all of us. I… uh, I found out and… I poisoned Morgana to end it. Morgause lifted the curse, but she threatened me. And she did take Morgana with her to give her the antidote.”

Merlin stared at the bath water while Arthur tried to keep breathing normally. He had known something was off with Morgana, especially on that day. But this? Arthur felt the hand in his trembling and that brought him back to what was important. His thumb stroked gently over Merlin’s fingers and he said quietly, “Go on.”

Merlin swallowed hard. “While I was in… Badyn’s rooms, he told me that Morgause had been at his father’s home. She had talked to Badyn about me, about me being a warlock and about my… destiny and my… past. She knows that I’m born from Old Magic, just as she is. She had wanted revenge and… she had given Badyn the chains to make me unable to work magic. And she had done even more… Badyn has a magical crystal somewhere… I think, I don’t know but… I think he has enchanted your father somehow. I don’t know when or what he wants with him but your father seemed to be… off.”

Arthur desperately tried to keep up with the story. There were so many things he wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure if he should. He tried to remember how his father had acted in the short moments Arthur had seen him in the courtyard. The king had been a little absent, but not so much that Arthur had really recognized anything totally out of order. On the other hand, Uther had beaten Gaius and this was something Arthur hadn’t understood and still couldn’t understand. So maybe it was the truth… his father could be under a spell. Arthur shuddered; this was a disaster. He shook his head shortly to clear his mind, aware of Merlin watching him. Then he asked, “What do you mean… your destiny? Your past?”

Merlin looked down at the water. For a moment, he said nothing and Arthur already feared he had asked the wrong question again, but then his manservant continued.

“My destiny… is to protect you from evil. From dark magic. You are meant to be a great king but obviously there are many beings that want you dead. So the last two years I tried to keep you safe… without telling you. I’m so sorry, Arthur. I… it’s just that…” Merlin turned around a bit and asked, “Will you… I mean, when I tell you this, there is another person involved and I don’t want any harm… you won’t tell your father about…?”

“Gaius?”

“Yes.”

“No, I won’t. As I said, don’t worry about me, you can tell me everything. And I sure as hell won’t tell my father a word about any of this!”

Merlin nodded and blinked a few times. “Well, I wanted to tell you, many times. But always something happened and I thought it’s not the right time and I waited. And then… the thing with your mother... uh… you were so… set against magic again and I… I didn’t think you would ever forgive me when I’d tell you the truth afterwards. And Gaius… he was so concerned about me. When… Gods. The Dragon Lord? Gaius forbid me to tell you who he really was. My father.”

Merlin dropped his head; Arthur could see a tear running down his cheek. Inwardly, the prince was reeling again. _My mother? Had it been really my mother?_ And then another thought crossed his mind and almost buried him under guilt. _No man is worth your tears, Merlin_ _._ Gods. He had said this – and how stupid had it been anyway, how many times he himself had cried over the loss of one of his knights, for Gods’ sake!- to a man who had just lost his father.

“Ah Merlin, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Arthur could hear the other man swallowing a sob. “I didn’t tell you. I was so close in that tavern but…”

Arthur interrupted him. “Oh yes, I remember. My speech about me being a prince and you being a servant? And that’s why we can’t be friends? I’m such an idiot!”

Merlin shook his head. “No, that wasn’t the reason. I’m used to you saying stuff like that. I… I knew you thought me a friend. That is why I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to lose your friendship.”

By now, Merlin was crying earnestly. Arthur couldn’t help it, he leaned forward and reached out for him and Merlin immediately clung to the prince. Arthur clutched back just as tight and rested his cheek on the dark hair, eyes closing. It was already too much, for both of them, and they hadn’t even talked about what had happened the last days. It didn’t matter; Arthur knew Merlin needed a break and so did he.

“Merlin? Maybe we should get you out of the tub now? There is some light food on the table… I would like you to eat something and I will tend to your back again.” The image of the flask hovered before Arthur’s mind but he shoved it away. “What do you think?”

Merlin nodded into Arthur’s chest.

“Great. Look, I will wash your hair and then we’ll eat. If you’re up to it, and only then, we can talk again later.”

Arthur stood up to get two of the buckets and stopped when he heard Merlin’s voice.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m up to it, I have to tell you what happened. Arthur… I was just a little amusement for Badyn. His real plan is about you. He wants to kill you.”

 

***

 

“Your father _asked me_ to serve at the dinner in the crown room. He asked me, Arthur. And I was such an idiot, I felt honored, like I somehow managed to get in the king’s good graces or something like that. I felt honored because he _remembered my name_ _!_ ”

Arthur, standing behind Merlin who was still sitting at the table pushing food around his plate, said nothing and kept on tending to Merlin’s back. He bit his lower lip so hard he could taste blood; he could see it so clearly. Merlin had of course been flattered; although the prince was sure Merlin despised the king, Arthur also knew that Merlin craved attention. Attention he himself had never shown his manservant.

“I mean, how stupid can I be? Uther never asks, he commands. I should have noticed immediately something’s wrong. But no, I was so…”

Arthur interrupted. “How? How would you know? My father shows –from time to time- strange behaviour towards servants. It wouldn’t be unheard of that…”

“Because I _knew_. I saw Ba… Badyn arriving at Camelot and I promised myself to stay out of sight. I cleaned your chambers until I just couldn’t find anything more to do. Then I sneaked down to Gaius and spoke with him about Badyn. Gaius…” Merlin sighed. “Gaius told me to leave Camelot and wait for your return in the woods. I was almost gone, almost, but then your father caught me on the stairs and asked me to help out. He was so _nice_. And I thought, why not? It’s not as if Badyn knows me. Or so I thought.”

“Why did you want to avoid him then in the first place?”

Merlin was silent for a moment, then he sighed again. “Because I hate him. I’ve hated his whole family since I can remember. And I knew I would have been tempted to… to do something. With magic. I wouldn’t have hurt him but I’m sure I would have played some tricks on him.”

“Merlin, I know you can do magic. But… you said before that you were born of Old Magic. Does that mean… uh… how powerful are you?”

Again, Merlin didn’t answer right away; instead he shoved a spoon full of cold oatmeal in his mouth. Arthur was fine with that, Merlin needed to eat. Anyway, the prince knew by now that pushing for answers upset Merlin in a bad way. So, Arthur waited and in some weird way, he was glad to wait. Because when Merlin was finished with talking, Arthur had to address Merlin’s other injuries and the _flask_.

“I’m… very powerful, I think. Er… I’m not exactly brilliant with spells I have to learn, but… when I’m mad enough or scared enough, I can do… _things_ without any spells.”

“Like breaking these chains?”

“Yes,” Merlin answered hoarsely. “ _He_ told me you were coming back. He said… he said he would kill you right in front of me.”

“When did that happen?”

“At dawn, today. He left for breakfast with your father afterwards. And I… I can’t remember, not really. I was so out of it, so scared for you. I tried to get the bracket off, but that didn’t work, I only burned myself. I remember, I thought I would have to hack off my foot to get away, but my… magic destroyed the chain instead. It’s all jumbled in my mind. I couldn’t really feel any magic at all, only in the short moment when the chain broke. Right now, I feel no magic in me. It’s the bracket. I can’t do a thing.”

“Does he have a key for it? Did you see it?”

“Yes. He wears it on a necklace.”

“Good.”

“Arthur, you can’t go near him! He will kill…”

“Merlin. He is already dead. He may still breathe and walk around, but he is _dead_. It will be very easy for me to get this key when his head is no longer on his shoulders.”

Merlin shook his head desperately.

“Listen to me. If Bedivere is able to hack off two fingers in a fight with this bastard, then I will be able to kill him, quite slowly.”

“Arthur, he has at least one other magical device with him.”

“Oh, I remember the crystal you mentioned. I will give him no chance to use it.”

“Don’t underestimate him! Or better, don’t underestimate Morgause. She is cunning, you don’t know how that crystal works. And I don’t know if she has given him more things.”

Arthur put some salve on the lowest whip mark he could see, maybe an inch over the waistband of the sleeping pants Merlin had put on after bathing. Then he circled the chair and sat down beside his manservant, grabbing bandages and the other salve for Merlin’s wrists and forearms. Arthur was strangely calm inside. Talking about how he would kill Badyn –and his two ‘knights’- … the prince felt on steady ground there. Arthur didn’t doubt for a minute that he would do exactly what he had said; he was looking forward to it. And he promised himself he would take his time killing Badyn. This wouldn’t be a quick kill, he would make sure Badyn would beg for his death.

“Could you outstretch your arm?”

“What? Arthur, please, listen to…”

“Your arms, Merlin. I have to bandage them, they’re almost black.”

Merlin looked at him for a moment, then he sighed and stretched his right arm. Arthur carefully took hold of it and began to spread salve over it.

“Do you want to tell me what happened that evening, at dinner?”

“Yeah.” Merlin lowered his head and closed his eyes. “I thought I would serve on the lower tables; Charles always handles your father and his guests. But Charles wasn’t there and your father told me to help out at his table. So I… just did it. Uh… Badyn was sitting two seats left from your father; I didn’t understand at the beginning. But I caught up very soon. He started to taunt me at once; every time I came near him, he said something… humiliating. He started with Will and his father, and so I noticed he knew who I was. I tried to avoid him as much as I could, but he called me again and again. Then he said my mother is a whore. Arthur, I swear I didn’t do anything! I just gritted my teeth and begged for the meal to be over.”

“I believe you.”

“Uh… he became more and more upset because I didn’t react, because I avoided looking at him. He said I should look at him but I didn’t. Uh… we were at the last course, and I thought it would be over soon. Then he hissed at me, he knew who my father was. At that time, I wasn’t only angry, I was also scared. I knew I had to leave the castle at once… I just wanted to serve dessert and then I would have vanished. He asked for more wine. I went over to him and he… he tripped me. I promptly lost my footing and spilled the whole jug full with red wine over his head and chest.”

Arthur who was by now finished with Merlin’s right arm, shuddered inwardly. He already knew what most likely would happen after such an _accident_.

“Your father…” Merlin continued and confirmed Arthur’s foreboding, “he.. he lost it completely. I really thought he would kill me right then. He stood up and yelled at me, his hand on his sword. I dropped the jug and started to run. The guards caught me before I even left the room. I saw your father coming towards me and thought that would be it. But he just yelled some more and then told the guards to throw me in the dungeons and that he would deal with my punishment later.” Merlin made a small sound that could have been a laugh but wasn’t. “To think I was actually glad when the dungeon door was locked behind me. I thought… well, your father is sometimes rash enough to really kill someone on the spot. I thought myself _lucky_ he didn’t; I hoped he wouldn’t be so mad at me at the next day. And I hoped Gaius could help or that… you would return.”

Arthur swallowed and laid one hand on top of Merlin’s.

“Gods, I wish I had.”

Merlin opened his eyes, leaned forward and looked at Arthur out of haunted eyes. He was very close now to the prince.

“I don’t,” he whispered. “Knowing what I know now, I’m glad you weren’t there. I don’t want to imagine what would have happened to you when you’d have interfered. I’m sure Badyn had your father already under a spell.”

“Still, I…”

“No. There would have been no time to explain about magic… and you probably wouldn’t have listened to me.”

Stung, Arthur tried to draw his hand back but was hindered by Merlin’s left hand which now covered his.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Arthur. Remember what happened with that troll woman? It is hard to believe when you don’t see it. You wouldn’t have noticed any difference regarding your father. Then, he’s disinherited you. But Morgause is far more powerful than that troll. I’m not sure but… as long as your father is under a spell, anything can happen. He could even try to kill you, if Badyn or better Morgause, would command it.”

Arthur rubbed over his face with his free hand. Merlin was right, it _was_ hard to believe; the whole situation was difficult. And worse, his learned mistrust for sorcery of any kind raised its head. Since he could remember, it had been drilled into him to despise anything that had to do with magic. All of a sudden, Arthur remembered that the man he was just holding hands with, was a warlock, a very powerful warlock. One with suppressed magic right now, sure, but Arthur had all but promised him to get that bracket of his ankle and therefore release his magic again.

The prince looked up, straight into his manservant’s eyes. Arthur didn’t know what the other man saw, but after a few seconds Merlin let go of Arthur’s hand and leaned back. Pale, the _warlock_ bit on his lower lip; his eyes were becoming very bright.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

Arthur continued staring at Merlin; for the first time in his life, he was actually _aware_ of standing at a crossroad. There had been times in his life, when he had done something for the first time, or had decided in a different way than he usually did, and had noticed afterwards he was changing. Now… now he knew before. Images were rolling through his mind: His nursemaid, who had forbidden him for the first time to ask about his mother; his father, first grief-stricken, then full of rage; he himself, a disappointment to his father; burning stakes and beheaded bodies; Gaius, always trying to have a nice word for him; Morgana and his jealousy for the ease with which his father showed his love for her; noblemen who had spoken with servile tongues to him, voices in which he had heard the lies; their daughters, looking at him like he would at a stallion; his knights he had forbidden himself to get too close to; and then Merlin. Laughing and crying, hissing and spitting. Sincere and elusive, sarcastic and earnest. In hindsight, Arthur realized how much he had changed since Merlin had arrived. And this change had nothing to do with magic, it was all about the way Merlin looked at the world. Somehow, somewhere along the way, his manservant had managed to make the prince, deep inside, stop caring about disappointing the King… and start looking for approval in his servant’s eyes.

Arthur blinked, and laid his hand on the table, palm upwards.

“I do believe you. I trust you.”

Merlin looked back and forth between Arthur’s face and his hand for a few seconds; then he laid his hand into Arthur’s.

“Thank you.”

Arthur closed his hand around the trembling fingers and shook his head.

“No, Merlin. Thank _you_.”

*~*~*~*~*

The moment Kay and Gaius came back, Bedivere almost jumped them.

“Did something happen?”

Gaius threw him an unreadable glance and just continued to walk forward into Caelly’s bedroom. Kay smiled.

“Well, I’m a little concerned about Lady Caelly’s reputation… the little ant was very curious, though he didn’t dare to really say something. Otherwise, everything went fine. But it’s absolutely clear that it’s not Arthur who needs medicine; the guard told us Arthur said he had inflamed wounds on his legs, and I know he hasn’t. I’m very sure, and so is Gaius, that it’s about Merlin. Put the old man in a somewhat better mood. Although…” Kay grimaced, “…when you think about what the bastard did to Gawain in a few hours, I don’t want to think about what he did to a servant in two days.”

Bedivere rubbed his neck. “No, I don’t want to know either. And I also don’t want to think about what mood Arthur has to be in, even without knowing about Gawain. Henry…” Bedivere looked at the now sleeping young knight,” …was right about not informing Arthur. And believe me, I don’t look forward to the morning.”

“Bedivere… we could just go up there, you know? Go in, kill the bastard and his pals, and leave and no one would be the wiser.”

“Kay, you think I haven’t thought about doing exactly that? Believe me, I do want to. But you also know that we can’t do this, no matter how enraged we are. He’s a…” Bedivere spat the word, “…prince. So Arthur or well, Uther will have to deal with him.” Raising his hand to forestall Kay’s words, he continued. “I know that Uther will do nothing. Arthur will. Kay, I know you don’t like politics, but we have to…”

Bedivere broke off when the door to the bedroom chambers opened. Lady Caelly came out, long blond hair in disarray, loosely hold together with a few barrettes. When Kay saw her face, he actually stepped back. She looked more irate and furious than Kay felt on the inside, and that was impossible, really. Caelly’s usually beautiful face was blotted with red spots, and her green eyes stared at the three still awake knights. She appeared like an extremely dangerous hunting cat.

“We need more water,” she hissed.

Percival, who was farest from the outside door, pratically ran there and opened it, yelling for a guard. Bedivere made a few steps in Caelly’s direction to enter the bedroom again, only to be stopped by the lady’s hand.

“No! You can’t go in there now, he’s awake. Gaius is all he can handle right now.”

“My lady, I have to talk to…”

“No! Not yet. I will let you know when or if you can talk to Gawain.”

Bedivere, who looked like he would try and push beside her, took a second glance at her face and obviously thought twice. He retreated a few steps; Kay didn’t blame him.

“My lady, how is he?” Kay asked.

Apparently that question had been the last straw; Caelly snapped.

“How do you think he is, huh? He’s broken, he’s bleeding, he doesn’t want to remember but he does. He does,” her voice broke. “You will kill these bastards, you hear me? You will kill them, or I will castrate them myself.” Caelly didn’t add, “And you!” but the knights heard it nevertheless. “Give that to me!” she hissed again at Percival, who was now standing by with a big bowl of hot water. She grabbed it and swept from the vestibule; the silent closing of the door a strange contrast to her furious parting words.

*~*~*~*~*

Arthur watched while Merlin crawled slowly onto the bed. Every movement his manservant made screamed about how much pain he was in. And Arthur still hadn’t found the courage to mention the flask Gaius had sent. Taking a deep breath, Arthur picked it up and made his own way to the bed.

“Is it alright that I… sleep here?”

Arthur looked at Merlin helplessly. “Of course it’s okay. The question is, are you okay with _me_ sleeping there? I can sleep on the rug, it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“It’s your bed.”

Arthur sat down on the brink of the bed. “You know that’s not what this is about, Merlin. I… do you think you can stand another person beside you?”

“Another person? No. You? Yes. I… I feel safe with you.”

Arthur swallowed, the flask in his right hand seemed to burn. _Gods, help me_ _._ “Merlin, look… uh. Gaius sent some other medicine for you.”

Looking up at the prince out of tired eyes, Merlin waited.

“Um…” _I can’t. Gods, I can’t. Look at me, my hands are trembling, and I’m supposed to be the strong one here, the one who can be trusted, the one he feels **safe** with._

Whatever it was Merlin saw in his face, it wasn’t anything good. He became agitated again.

“What is it?”

“It’s… this.”

Arthur handed Merlin the flask, taking the coward’s way out. Merlin took it, looked at and then at Arthur. “What’s it for?”

“There is a letter…” Where was the letter? Arthur stood up again, searched the table and the floor and his pockets… the tiny piece of parchment wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“You’ve read it, why don’t you just tell me?”

Arthur’s mind was blank. He didn’t remember one word Gaius had written, never mind he had read it about a hundred times.

“It’s for… you know. Uh… where you got… really badly hurt?”

Merlin watched him for a while with a confused expression; and then… Arthur could see the exact moment when he understood. Merlin’s face lost every bit of color; he threw the flask down to the end of the mattress.

“No!”

“Merlin…”

“NO!”

Arthur closed his eyes, he didn’t know what to do. On one hand, he couldn’t make Merlin do anything against his will and he wouldn’t even try; on the other hand, he was deeply worried what would happen if this… wound wouldn’t get any treatment.

“Merlin, I won’t force you. I won’t. It’s your decision. But…” Arthur broke off.

Merlin stared down at his hands or at the bedspread, Arthur wasn’t sure. He could see his whole body was trembling, but… Merlin didn’t retreat, didn’t try to flee, either in body or in spirit. The prince took heart from it.

Another deep breath and he continued. “Maybe… _you_ could just try it?”

Merlin shook his head slowly. “I can’t… I can’t reach it. I… tried before but… my back…” He fell silent again.

Arthur stared at the wall, bracing himself. He had guessed this before, of course. Swallowing, he said, “Uh… do you think you could… I mean, could you let me try it? I know you don’t want to be touched, I know this, but… I won’t hurt you. And you can say stop anytime, you know?”

“You would do it?”

“Yes. If it’s okay with you.”

For a moment, Merlin glanced at Arthur. There were a few emotions in his eyes, fear, shame, pain and again, that weirdly hopeless expression. Arthur wasn’t sure what it meant; he had told Merlin he could say no. So why…? But then Merlin nodded hesitantly, looking like he regretted it immediately, and Arthur picked up the flask again and opened it. As before, the tang was horrible but this time, the pointed tip made suddenly sense. Arthur swallowed; it was quite obvious, some of the fluid would have to go _inside_ Merlin’s body. He sat down beside the trembling man and showed him the flask. Merlin also wrinkled his nose for a moment, but he was far quicker to recognize what the strange opening was made for. Arthur saw him bite his lips and get even paler.

“Hey,” he whispered and laid his left hand on his manservant’s shoulder. “You remember, you say stop, I stop. At that moment, I promise.”

Merlin nodded again, his usually full lips a small white line.

“Alright. How do you want to do this? Uh… maybe you could get the pants off first?”

Arthur could have slapped himself when he saw Merlin was trembling even more. Gods, he never had felt so clumsy in his whole life. But thankfully Merlin didn’t mind so much, or maybe he was far too scared to even notice Arthur’s stutters; whatever the reason, his manservant started to remove the sleeping pants.

After he was finished, he looked up at Arthur miserably. “And now what?”

“Maybe… maybe you could lie on your side, facing the window?”

Merlin slowly turned around, and now it was Arthur’s turn to bite down hard on his lips. The pale buttocks in front of him were peppered with bruises; bruises that looked like fingers. Swallowing, Arthur slid closer to Merlin’s back, laying again one hand on his shoulder.

“You’re doing alright so far?”

“Yeah, go on,” the hoarse reply came.

For a moment, Arthur petted Merlin’s hip softly, and then his right hand moved slowly downwards to the left buttock. Merlin made a trapped sound and moved away at once.

“I can’t. Sorry, I can’t!”

“Okay, okay, calm down. Please calm down, I won’t touch you anymore.”

Merlin turned around slightly.

“No, it’s not that! It’s just… I can’t see you. I don’t know who’s…”

That made sense. It had to be an absolute horror for Merlin to not be able to see who was behind him, touching him. Arthur leaned forward and caressed Merlin’s cheeks, catching the few tears that were escaping.

“It’s alright. It will be alright, Merlin. We’ll find a way, I promise.”

All of a sudden, Merlin turned around completely, sat up with a whimper and swayed towards Arthur. The prince closed the flask quickly, opened his arms and drew the other man into a hug. His own gaze blurry, Arthur tried to pet Merlin’s back carefully, unsure about how much pain even the most tender touch would cause. Merlin had his face buried in Arthur’s neck; he said something but the prince couldn’t make out the words. Drawing back slightly, Arthur asked, “I’m sorry?”

Merlin, who had also leaned back a bit, shook his head and wiped the tears from his face with both hands; not that it mattered, new ones were already running down. “It’s just… I… you…”

“What, Merlin? Talk to me, please?”

“He… he destroyed everything.”

“You will heal. And I promise you, I promise, Merlin, he won’t ever touch you again!”

The dark-haired man shook his head again. “I’m not talking about that. I…” Merlin broke off and looked at Arthur with that strange hopeless look again. “I… I hoped that… you and me… and now… I won’t…” Merlin buried his face in his hands, silent sobs were shaking his body. He started to fall sidewards on the bed, but Arthur quickly prevented it by drawing him back to his chest. He lowered his head until it rested on top of Merlin’s hair. Shaken to the core, because he had understood exactly what Merlin had been talking about, Arthur knew he hugged the trembling man in his arms far too tightly, but he couldn’t help it and Merlin didn’t seem to mind. They sat that way for a few minutes, when the prince heard Merlin apologizing… apologizing for something Arthur didn’t want to hear any apologies about at all.

Arthur leaned back again and took Merlin’s face in his hands, making the other man look into his eyes.

“Merlin, nothing… nothing is destroyed. No man and no thing can ever destroy this.”

“Arthur, I can’t…”

“Do you think that matters? It doesn’t. Not to me.”

Merlin looked at Arthur for a moment, then he leaned forward. The prince, who had been softly stroking Merlin’s cheeks with his thumbs, froze. Heartbeat doubling, Arthur tried to draw aside, sure Merlin wanted to prove something he was far from being ready for.

“Merlin…”

The other man didn’t seem to hear him; using the hand he has buried in the hair at Arthur’s neck, Merlin pulled Arthur close to him. The moment their lips touched, Arthur closed his eyes.

 

***

 

Although entirely chaste, the kiss seemed to touch Arthur’s soul. He was trembling all over; golden flashes were dancing behind his closed lids. Merlin on the other hand relaxed completely into the embrace, drawing the prince even closer. He slid both of his hands into Arthur’s hair and made a quietly longing noise.

A sudden sharp, cracking sound startled Arthur. He tried to jump up, hindered by Merlin’s hands, and opened his eyes. Blinking rapidly because he still could see that golden light, Arthur tried to turn far enough to look at the door. Seeing nothing out of order, he suddenly realized the noise had come from near them. Arthur looked at Merlin, but the other man’s eyes were closed. Merlin’s hands were still on Arthur’s shoulders and on his lips was a beautiful smile.

“Merlin?”

“Hm?”

“Merlin? Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Merlin asked and opened his eyes. Arthur breath caught in his chest; the eyes he was looking into were a swirl of gold and blue. While he was still watching without being able to utter one word, the golden color slowly dissipated and left behind the familiar blue.

“Your eyes.”

“What?” Merlin asked again, shifting around a bit. He stopped suddenly and hissed, “Ow!”

Arthur, all too happy to let the issue with Merlin’s eyes and this strange light go, leaned immediately close.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know… my foot. I… ow!”

Arthur glanced at Merlin’s legs; they had somehow gotten wrapped into one of the blankets. Aware that Merlin couldn’t bend forward enough to free them, Arthur drew the furs back slowly, only to see fresh blood on the sheets under Merlin’s feet.

“What the hell?”

It wasn’t much blood, but Arthur couldn’t stand to see any of it. After this night, he doubted he would be able to see Merlin bleeding anywhere, probably for the rest of his life. Not that he had been able to see it before, exactly; he remembered a certain ripped up tunic all too well.

“You’re bleeding … wait I’ll look and…” Arthur broke off. He had found the reason why Merlin was bleeding. It wasn’t really a wound, more a scratch, but… Arthur looked up at Merlin and saw the other man staring down at him or better at his right foot which was still in Arthur’s hand. The heavy bracket around Merlin’s ankle had a large crack that went half through the shackle. One sharp edge had obviously injured the skin that lay beneath.

“Merlin. What…?”

“I don’t know.” Merlin shook his head, apparently confused.

“Are you able to do magic again?”

Merlin cocked his head to one side, as if he was listening to something Arthur couldn’t hear. Then he shook his head again.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

Throwing a glance at the prince that held a hint of his manservant’s usual irritation, Merlin raised a hand towards the table and muttered something under his breath. Nothing happened.

“I’m sure.”

“So how…?”

“I really don’t know. Maybe…”

“What?”

“Maybe it’s you, Arthur.”

“Me? I can’t do magic!”

At that, Merlin looked at Arthur again, now full of indignation. The prince was delighted by it. All of a sudden he noticed that his manservant seemed to look far healthier than a few minutes ago.

“I know _that_ , Arthur! It’s just that… it happened before.”

“When you broke the chain?”

“I guess. I still can’t really remember that. I meant… other times. Whenever you were hurt before, or in real danger… or when I was scared for you or…” Merlin shifted uncomfortably, “well, jealous… my magic seemed to be stronger and sometimes _did_ things…”

“You were jealous?”

Merlin just looked at him. Now it was Arthur’s turn to fidget; he knew exactly what or better whom Merlin was talking about. Finally, the prince huffed quietly.

“If I had known…” Arthur sighed. “Merlin, believe me, you have nothing to be jealous about. Nothing.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

I don’t want to hurt her.”

Arthur sighed again. “You’re not hurting anyone. I think… I think she’s better off without me. And you know that, too.”

“ _I_ wouldn’t think I’m better off without you.”

Arthur raised one eyebrow. “ _You_ wouldn’t be.”

Merlin stared at him for a moment and then something happened Arthur had hoped for. Almost helplessly, Merlin begun to laugh.

“You’re such an ass.”

Leaning back at one bedpost and watching Merlin laughing, Arthur relaxed for the first time in over a week.

***

“You think this will do?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

Arthur looked at the bracket which was now almost completely hidden by some pieces of linen. After the prince had tried for quite some time to tear the ring apart, he had finally given up and wrapped the sharp edges into strands he had ripped from a towel. Sighing, Arthur rubbed his eyes for a moment. The night, hell, the whole week was catching up with him, rapidly. He felt tired to death, and still, the night was far from over. He had to treat Merlin, and the lighter mood from before was gone now.

Merlin had withdrawn again somewhat, after Arthur had refused to kiss him again, not buying the excuse _to get the bracket off_. Cringing inwardly, the prince remembered the hurt look on Merlin’s face. But hell, what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t go on kissing Merlin… after the man had been sexually abused for days. In fact, Arthur hadn’t the slightest idea how to behave towards his manservant, now that everything between them was out in the open. He felt like he was standing at the edge of an abysm, with no idea which step would make him fall into it. There were a thousand things to think about, and these didn’t even include Badyn or his father. What he would do to Badyn was already certain, and his father… well, that would depend on how the king acted. But Merlin…

“You should really go to sleep, Arthur.”

Arthur looked up and saw Merlin watching him, still out of sad eyes. Sitting up, Arthur sighed again heavily. There was no way to avoid this topic, apparently.

“Merlin, look… it’s not as if I don’t want to kiss you, it’s…”

“It’s alright,” Merlin said and looked away.

“No, it obviously not!” Arthur took a deep breath and tried to stop himself from yelling at the other man. “Merlin, please… try to understand. I have no idea how to… I mean… I don’t want to scare you, all right?”

“Scare me? What the hell are you talking about? I’m not scared of you, I never was! I need… I need something good, something _true_ to hold onto to get through this, don’t you understand?”

Arthur swallowed, avoiding the other man’s gaze.

“I do understand that. It’s just… look, we… we still have to take care of you.”

Grabbing the flask from the nightstand, Arthur waited for another outburst. When it didn’t come, he threw a quick glance at Merlin, only to see there were tears in Merlin’s eyes again.

“Hey…”

“What is this, Arthur? Is it because… Badyn touched me? Are you disgusted by me? I can’t change…”

“What? _No!_ ”

“What then? You say you understand me, but I’m not understanding you at all!”

Arthur leaned forward and laid his hands on Merlin’s shoulders, squeezing slightly.

“Disgusted by you? Are you mad? You’re… you’re so precious to me, you always have been. Can’t you see…? A few hours ago, you hadn’t even been able to talk to me. Don’t you understand that I won’t risk a wrong move… that I don’t want to remind you of something you want to forget? How should I…” Arthur broke off when he heard an unhappy laugh coming from Merlin.

“Forget? I doubt that will ever happen. But Arthur… you haven’t understood a thing! Do you really believe that anything you’re doing could remind me of that… _bastard_?”

“Yes.”

Merlin’s chin came up but before he could say something Arthur laid one finger across his manservant’s lips.

“Merlin, listen to me. Not long ago, I tried to put this,” he held up the flask again, “on you. Do you remember what…?”

“I couldn’t see you! That’s why…”

“I know! And I completely understood that. What I don’t understand is why are you now behaving this way! What are you telling me? What does it mean, nothing I would do could remind you of him? What do you want me to do? What do you want right now? _Sex?_ ”

Merlin looked like an animal trapped in a slinge. Still, the chin stayed up and he crossed is arms. “Yes!”

Arthur pursed his lips and nodded slowly. “Really? Then you’re in for a disappointment.”

“Why? After all, I’m so _precious_ to you!” Merlin said with an ugly undertone in his voice.

Arthur didn’t answer, he just continued to look at Merlin. Slowly, it began to dawn on him what this was about.

“And what now? You’re not even talking to me anymore? Alright, then let’s just get it on!”

Merlin drew the shirt he was still wearing over his head, throwing it aside. Although his face was distorted with fury, there was the first glint of tears forming in his eyes. Arthur leaned back, hands in his lap, and watched the other man intently. He knew from experience that there wasn’t a word to say or a thing to do to stop Merlin, even if Arthur wanted to, which he didn’t. This had to come out, and Arthur was more than able to handle Merlin and watch out that his manservant didn’t hurt himself.

Not unanticipated, but nevertheless sudden, the explosion came. With a yell, Merlin flung himself towards Arthur, fists flying. Arthur ducked from the first punch, avoided getting the second one on his nose. It did catch his left ear though, and that hurt like hell. Wincing, Arthur raised his own arms to block Merlin’s, and let himself fall sidewards onto the bed. He knew this wouldn’t last long; these things never did, and Merlin had been exhausted to begin with. Still, non-existent fighting skills aside, Merlin made up for that with sheer desperation and did his best to pummel Arthur into the mattress. Holding his arms before his face, Arthur let him. One part of him even welcomed the bruises; after all, he had failed to protect his beloved.

***

As Arthur had known, the fight was over soon. Lying on his back with Merlin on top of him, Arthur stared up at the canopy and listened to the sobs that were shaking and wrecking the other man’s body. Carefully, Arthur raised one of his hands which were petting Merlin’s back and begun to stroke slowly through the dark hair. He heard Merlin apologizing over and over again, as if he couldn’t stop and the prince continued to hush him quietly. Although Arthur knew he had to hold on somehow, he felt dangerously close to the end of his rope. In fact, he started to become numb all over, in body and mind. He closed his eyes for a moment, only to open them again at once when he felt Merlin raising his head.

“How badly are you hurt?”

Arthur slid his hand out of the sable hair and started to stroke over Merlin’s swollen face a bit, taking tears away with it. He shook his head. “You didn’t hurt me.”

Merlin’s voice trembled. “Don’t lie to me, please.”

“I’m not. I promise. Just a few bruises.”

“I’m so sorry, Arthur. I don’t… I don’t know why I did this.”

Arthur traced one of Merlin’s eyebrows with a fingertip. “I do. It’s good that it’s out for now. And though I’m glad it is, I’m still sorry that I’ve caused this.”

“You didn’t! You didn’t, Arthur!”

The prince took a deep breath and continued with the gentle stroking, looking up at Merlin’s anxious face that hovered so close above him. “I think I did. I think this happened because… I refused to kiss you again.”

Merlin stared down at him for a minute, then he dropped his head back on Arthur’s chest, trembling slightly. Arthur’s hand found its way back into Merlin’s hair, while the prince himself blinked a few times, trying to chase away the dark shadows that appeared on the edge of his vision. With sheer force of will Arthur fought sleep, maybe even unconsciousness. He didn’t dare to think about what would happen when he passed out and Merlin wouldn’t be able to wake him again.

“ _He_ didn’t kiss me at all. And when you didn’t want to, I… I…”

“You had another choice taken away from you.”

Merlin raised his head again.

“I think… I mean, at the first moment, I thought you really didn’t want to. But… I could see that this wasn’t true. And then… I got so _angry_! So angry, Arthur, that I didn’t know what to do.”

“I know. It’s alright.”

Merlin looked at him and then suddenly sat up, making Arthur squint in the sudden light from the candles. “You look terrible!”

Arthur sighed. “I’ve told you, Merlin, it’s really just a few bruises.”

“I didn’t mean that. _You_ look terrible.”

“Don’t fret. I’m just tired.”

“Gods, I didn’t even think about… What happened the last week? Did you get them? Did one of you get hurt?”

Arthur sat up himself now, groaning loudly. “We got them, no one was hurt, not really. Merlin, do you mind if we talk about this at another time? It seems to be quite… unreal for me right now.”

“No, I don’t mind at all. Come on, Arthur, lay down again, you _have_ to sleep.”

“I can’t, not yet. Firstly, we have to…”

“Arthur… I’m feeling better, seriously. You don’t have to do this.”

“This is not about me, I can manage,” Arthur sighed. “Merlin… I’m not pushing this on you. I just think that Gaius had a reason to send this, you know? I don’t want you to become… ill.”

Merlin nodded, looking miserable again.

“I know you’re right.” After a moment of silence, he continued. “I just wish… doesn’t matter. I’m so tired, too, and I just want it to be over. Can you just… hurry with it?”

“I really don’t think that would be wise.”

“Yeah. Arthur?”

“Hm?”

“Would you…? Ah… forget it, I’ll shut up now.”

Arthur huffed and smiled at the same time, then leaned forward, took Merlin’s face in his hands and looked into these tired eyes.

“I’d love to kiss you again.”

***

After the frightful task had been done, Arthur closed the flask with one hand; his left hand was held in Merlin’s hands. He had clutched especially Arthur’s forefinger with the silver ring on it so tightly, Arthur couldn’t even feel this finger anymore. Bending down to kiss Merlin’s forehead, Arthur drew the covers over his manservant at the same time.

“How are you feeling?”

Merlin just nodded into Arthur’s chest.

“Does it burn… or sting?”

“No,” came the muttered reply. “It’s starting to get numb, and I can’t tell you how glad I’m about that.”

“Yeah.”

Arthur could imagine that clearly. Since he had been lying chest to chest with Merlin and had to twist himself up and around to manage getting the smelly oil where it was needed, Arthur had only gotten a few blurred glances at the torn up and swollen ring of muscle, but what he had seen had been enough for a lifetime. He knew in how much pain Merlin had been the whole time, and although he had been extremely careful and gentle, he also knew that the treatment must have hurt Merlin again far too much. Arthur kissed Merlin’s temple again, then he asked quietly, “Could you let go for a moment?”

Merlin nodded sleepily but didn’t release Arthur’s hand.

“Merlin? Could you?” Arthur asked again, shaking their hands slightly.

“Huh? Oh sorry, yeah.”

After Merlin let go, Arthur hoisted himself up, swearing it would be the last time this night.

“What…? Arthur, where are you going?”

“Shhh… I’m just blowing out the candles, no worries. And I will put some more logs into the fireplace.”

After he had done exactly that, Arthur threw a last glance at the door to make sure it had been locked, then he staggered over to the table to get his sword. He leaned it against the nightstand, opened one of the drawers and pulled out a long knife that went between the bed frame and the mattress.

“Merlin, could you please move over a bit? I want to sleep between you and the door.”

His manservant slid to the other side of the bed, turning over towards Arthur. With a sigh, the prince let himself fall onto the bed, stretching out on the mattress.

“Would you mind if I sleep close?”

Arthur turned his head and smiled at Merlin.

“I would mind if you didn’t. Come here,” he answered, opening his arms. Merlin moved very quickly into them, hugging Arthur tightly. He then raised his head again and asked, “A kiss good night?”

Arthur felt his smile getting broader. “But of course.”

A few minutes later, Merlin’s head rested on Arthur’s chest; he was already snoring slightly. Arthur felt sleep coming towards him rapidly, but before the darkness swallowed him, his last glance was directed towards his sword, glinting in the firelight.

 

~*~

  
 _Day Two_

  
“Kay? Kay!”

Kay swatted his hand towards whatever. It couldn’t be time to get up yet. No way could it be time to get up.

“KAY! Dammit!”

“Go away!”

“Kay, wake up!”

With a groan, Kay tried to turn around on his bed to escape from the nagging voice, only to fall down and hit the floor with a loud clash. _That_ woke him up, all right.

There was no bed, and he wasn’t in his chambers. Totally confused for a moment, he glanced up and saw Bedivere standing over him, red in the face, making hushing sounds and waving his arms around like a madman.

“Shhhhhhhhh… Gods, man, you will wake up everyone!”

“What?”

“The others are still asleep. Come over here, you have to see this!”

Kay looked around for a moment, while the _events_ of the last hours came back to him quickly. It was still almost dark in the room connected to Caelly’s chambers, and that meant it was barely dawn. He could make out the shape of Henry in another chair, and Percival was obviously lying on the floor behind it. Neither men moved, which didn’t surprise Kay. If he himself hadn’t fallen out of the chair, he wouldn’t have woken either. He doubted he had gotten more than three hours sleep.

Standing up, he cursed under his breath. “Shit, Bedivere, what the hell is so important, hm?”

“Come here, quickly!”

Stumbling over to the older knight who was standing at a small window, Kay glared first at Bedivere then he looked outside.

“What? It’s still too dark to… wait a moment.”

“Exactly.”

“What the hell…?”

Kay stared down at the inner courtyard, where just –if he wasn’t dreaming this- Uther, Badyn, and his two pals were mounting horses.

“What is this?”

“I have no idea, Kay. It was sheer coincidence that I heard them. I think they’re riding out.”

“No really? You’re a genius! They’re sitting on horses, of course they’re riding out! What I want to know is where are the royal guards?”

Both men stared down again and watched the four horses slowly trotting towards the archway. The moment they passed through, Kay raced over to the door, opened it and ran to another window in the hall, Bedivere close on his heels.

“They’re heading for the woods.”

“Maybe. But hell, have you ever seen Uther riding _anywhere_ without his guards?”

“No. Shit, Kay, that’s exactly what we _do not_ need right now!”

“I told you yesterday we should have…” Kay broke off when he remembered where he was. There was no guard in sight, but in Camelot one better not forgot how easily conversations could be overheard. “Let’s go back inside.”

The moment the door was closed again behind them, Kay hissed, “I told you we should have killed the bastard yesterday! Who knows what he and his _friends_ are up to now!”

Bedivere looked at him for a moment, then he shrugged. “They have only Uther with them.”

Kay stared. He was used to talk like this from Percival, but he had _never_ heard such a thing from Bedivere.

“Excuse me?”

“Kay, do you really care about Uther?”

“No. But I wasn’t so sure about you.”

The other knight shrugged again. “It’s not very healthy to be open about averseness to Uther… as I’ve often told Percival. If you get used to blithering, you could lose your head in no time. But no, I don’t care about Uther. I detest the way he treats his son, and I dislike the way he rules. But until now, there was nothing I could do about it, so why talk about it then?”

“Until now?”

“Well, I’m still not sure which role Uther plays in Badyn’s plans… but after what happened tonight, Arthur will act. And if I’m not very mistaken, it will come down to a confrontation between King and Crown Prince. After we get Badyn out of the picture, of course.”

Kay rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, this day will be so much fun, I can already tell.”

“Come on, Kay, let’s wake the others. Afterwards, you and I will pay a visit to Arthur. It’s time he is informed.”

“You know what? If we’re really lucky, they will kill each other in the woods. No need to trouble Arthur then.”

“I don’t know. I think Arthur would be disappointed.”

While he took away Percival’s sword and started to shake the knight awake, Kay began to really dread the conversation with Arthur.

*~*~*~*~*

Arthur woke to the sounds of nickering horses and hoof beat. For a moment, he felt disoriented; he had gotten used to sleeping in a tent. The second things came back to him, he jumped up with the intention of running to one of his windows. Instead of doing that, he caught himself on the bedpost before falling on his face. Gods, his whole body felt like it had been trampled by horses. Groaning, he steadied himself and, far more carefully, continued on his way to the window. The sun wasn’t up yet, and wouldn’t be at least for another two hours, but in the first light of dawn, Arthur could still see the men down there. Sliding away from the open window, not wanting to be seen yet, he watched as his father and Badyn left the inner courtyard, in company with two other men Arthur didn’t recognize. None of the King’s knights or guards were with them.

Arthur straightened up slowly, stretching his arms and legs. _Hate is a strange thing_ _,_ he mused. The moment he had seen Badyn down there, every ache he had felt before had been gone from his body. His muscles were already trembling with the need to take up his sword and hack that bastard in tiny pieces. As for his father… Arthur gritted his teeth. He had real trouble separating his feeling of hate. Right now, it was probably for the best that none of these men were in the castle. Before he could kill Badyn, he had to find out a few things, for example if his father knew about Merlin’s magic… if Uther did, it would make things tricky.

Not that it really mattered anymore. Arthur turned around to look at the sleeping man in his bed. The only parts he could see were the black, sleep-tousled hair, and one arm and one leg sticking out from under the fur covers. Merlin had his face buried in Arthur’s pillow, hand shielding his eyes as if even the hint of dawn was already too much light for him. Arthur’s glance fell upon Merlin’s ankle with the bracket around it. He had been unsure for a moment yesterday, wondering how he felt about Merlin being a warlock… today, seeing the magic- suppressing bracket made him even madder.

They hadn’t talked much about magic yesterday, and Arthur was sure there wouldn’t be much time today either, but he thought he had gotten an inkling about what it meant to Merlin to lose his magic. His manservant had been desperate the whole night, with the exception of when they had kissed for the first time. Arthur wanted that smile back on Merlin’s face, as often as possible. And he wanted to see that beautiful golden light in his eyes again. Without his magic, Arthur was sure Merlin would feel like a bird without wings. A falcon, maybe.

Gods. Arthur shook his head and turned away, staring unseeingly out of the window again. He knew he was under no spell, but it certainly felt like it. As terrible the last night had been and this day would be, and as horrible and unforeseeable Merlin’s torture and the impact of it would be, one tiny, stunned part inside Arthur repeated over and over again, “He loves me, too. He loves me, too.”

So… nothing really mattered. Badyn would die and for everything else… well, if Arthur had to, he would leave Camelot. Suddenly, a thought came to him and made him smirk without humor. The prince was very sure he and Merlin wouldn’t leave alone; he knew almost every one of his knights would follow him.

Arthur laid his head against the window frame. It was an interesting thought… especially when he considered the condition the knights close to his father were in. Many of them were old, others were bootlickers who wouldn’t stand a chance in a real fight. Arthur knew his father relied on Arthur’s knights. He wondered if Camelot could afford to lose all of them… and whether the king had ever thought about this.

***

After he had put some clothes on, Arthur took a seat at the table looking morosely at the bowl with old bread in it. He was hungry, but he didn’t feel comfortable with ordering breakfast… at least not until Merlin had woken up. It was a really strange thing, being at home and at the same time feeling like being in enemy territory. No matter that Arthur knew neither his father nor the bastard were here, he still felt like he had to be armed to the teeth before he could go somewhere… or even open the door.

Just as he grabbed a piece of the stone hard bread, a sudden sharp knock on the door made his heartbeat double and woke up Merlin. The dark-haired man startled so badly, he almost stood on the mattress, staring at Arthur with scared eyes. The prince held up one hand, moved quickly over to the bed and got his sword.

“Who’s there?”

“Arthur? It’s us, Kay and me.”

Bedivere. _Shit_ _._ Arthur had completely forgotten about the story the guard had told him last night. Now what?

Seeing that Merlin was already staring at the armoire again, Arthur reached out with his left hand and got a hold of Merlin’s arm. He shook his head and whispered, “Shhh… it’s just Bedivere. Something was wrong with one of the noblewomen yesterday, I’m sure it can wait. Calm down, please.”

Merlin didn’t really look all too reassured, but at least he sat down again, clinging to Arthur’s hand.

“Arthur?”

“Look, Bedivere, this is… a bad time. Whatever it is, can it wait?”

A moment of silence, then, “Arthur… I wish it could wait, but it can’t. We have to talk to you, _now_ _._ ”

 _Ah hell_ _._ Arthur looked down at Merlin, squeezing his hand.

“I’ll just go out for a moment and talk to them, alright?”

“No! Please, please… don’t leave here!”

“Merlin, I’ll be just outside… I’ll be back in no time.”

“No, please don’t!”

Arthur bit his lips. He could see how desperate Merlin was again; he was by now clutching Arthur’s arm with both hands. Dammit. He had so hoped for a quiet start into the day, at least for Merlin. Arthur yelled over his shoulder, “Just a moment, Bedivere!” then sat down beside the other man.

“Arthur, I’m so sorry, but…”

“No. It’s okay,” Arthur kissed Merlin’s cheek. “ I just… Ah, you think you could stand having them in here? I’ll draw the curtains again, you stay in bed? I wouldn’t do this but I know Bedivere… when he says he has to talk to me, he _really_ does. And I trust both of them.”

“What if…”

“What?”

“The crystal?”

Arthur swallowed. There it was again. He needed more time to get comfortable with the idea of magic, that much was clear. He _hated_ it when he couldn’t trust his eyes… He couldn’t imagine his two no nonsense knights being spelled, but… He needed to make a decision, right now.

“Merlin, we have to trust somebody. And those two guys out there… I really trust them. And Bedivere _hates_ Badyn, I know that. I doubt he would go anywhere near him, if he could help it. And as for Kay… I’d rather believe he hacked the bastard’s head off, than being spelled by him.”

“What if he’s out there with them?”

“No. Neither the bastard nor my father are here… I just saw them riding out.”

“What? But…”

“I have no idea. Can we talk later about it?”

“Yeah.”

Arthur stood up to draw the curtains close and saw Merlin looking at his sword. He paused for a moment, then he drew the knife out of its hiding place and handed it to his manservant.

“Here, take this. Just to make you feel safer. And I will have my sword.”

Merlin stared at the knife for a moment, then looked up. Arthur almost backed off a step. There was a murderous glint in the blue eyes below him, and the prince had the sudden image of Merlin stabbing an innocent Bedivere in front of his eyes.

“Hey. This is for self-defense, Merlin. No attacking my knights until you _know_ they are under a spell. And even then, I can manage.”

“You think I will just watch anyone attack you?”

“Yes! I’m trained, and believe me, I’m better than they are.”

“But not both of them.”

“Merlin… look, nothing will happen, I’m sure. Don’t do anything stupid, that’s the last thing I’d need right now.”

Merlin sat back on the mattress, legs up, a mulish expression on his face. A bit concerned and at the same time relieved about the sudden mood swing, Arthur closed the curtains, took up his sword and went over to the door.

*~*~*~*~*

While they were waiting for Arthur to open the damn door, Kay stared two guards into the ground. He knew Bedivere was nervous; so was he. It wasn’t wise to stand around for minutes in the hall, they were drawing attention to themselves.

Kay heard Bedivere cursing under his breath, and decided to do something. Hammering his fist against the door, he yelled, “Come on, Arthur! I don’t care if you’re still wearing a night gown, we’re growing roots out here!” His hand still on the door, he suddenly heard the heavy bolt being drawn back and the door flew open. There was Arthur, fully dressed, hand on his sword and an expression on his face the knight had never seen before. Kay lowered his hand _very_ slowly. “Uh… morning, Arthur.”

Bedivere, who wanted to rush forward, stopped beside Kay because Arthur still stood in the doorway. Kay’s gaze fell again on Arthur’s right hand that rested on the hilt of his sword. It seemed like the prince expected them to attack him, and this was beyond weird. It was creepy.

“Arthur? Could you maybe let us in?” Bedivere hissed, obviously not noticing anything out of order which was so typical. Kay had the sudden desire to slap the other knight over his head and then raise both hands to Arthur to show him he meant no evil.

Arthur didn’t answer, he just stepped back slowly and opened the door wider, letting them enter.

As soon as the door was closed –and locked- again, Arthur asked, “Now, what’s so important it couldn’t wait until the sun is up?”

The two knights looked at each other.

 _Please, say it, Bedivere_ _,_ Kay thought. He had no desire whatsoever to talk about what happened to Gawain, especially not to Arthur. The prince already looked horrible. To avoid Arthur’s eyes, Kay let his gaze wander through the royal chambers, only to stop at the bed and the drawn curtains. Gods, they had totally forgotten about…

Just as Bedivere started speaking, “Uh, Arthur…,” all of a sudden, the prince drew his sword and had it at Kay’s throat in a second.

“What are you staring at?”

Yeah, he had known it would be an awful day.

Kay didn’t move a muscle. Neither did Bedivere; the other knight stared at them, mouth hanging open.

Kay took a shallow breath, doing his best to stay away from the blade. “Arthur, are you mad? What the hell are you doing?”

“I just asked you a question, Kay. And you, stay exactly where you are!” Arthur hissed at Bedivere, who had rallied a bit and had taken one step towards them.

A few possible answers were going through Kay’s mind, but he knew Arthur. It had to be the truth; he just hoped he would get it out quickly enough, before the other man decided he didn’t like what he heard and slit his throat.

“We, uh, know about Merlin.” When Arthur’s expression became even more dangerous, he quickly added, “We talked to Gaius. And to Lady Caelly. I mean, Bedivere talked to Caelly. We know what happened to him. Well, we first didn’t know _what_ happened to him, we just know something happened to him. It’s all over the castle, Arthur. That’s why everyone was so scared when we arrived. But I’m very sure we know by now also _what_ happened to Merlin. Arthur…” Kay broke off. No way would he tell Arthur about Gawain while the prince had the sword out. “Could we maybe have this conversation without me fearing of being beheaded any second?” While he was still speaking, Kay opened his belt slowly and let his own sword fall to the ground.

Arthur stared at him another moment, then he abruptly took his sword away. But Kay noticed the prince didn’t sheathe it, and the other man still looked like he was in danger. The knight swallowed; it _hurt_ that Arthur could ever think he would attack him, whatever the reason.

Bedivere on the other hand… “What the hell is wrong with you, Arthur? Are you…?”

“Hey! Keep your voice down, moron, there are guards in the hall,” Kay growled.

For some reason, _this_ made Arthur sheathe his sword.

“Pick up your sword, Kay.”

The knight crossed his arms. “If you don’t mind, _Sire_ , I will pick it up when you stop looking at us like this.”

Arthur huffed and shook his head, leaning back against the table. “I have my reasons.”

Not moving a bit, Kay answered, “Whatever.”

Arthur huffed again and looked up at him. “Kay… ah, forget it. So… you talked to Gaius? What did you learn?”

 _Oh no, Arthur, don’t ask me_ _._ Kay glanced over to Bedivere. The other knight appeared relieved that he wouldn’t have to be the one who had to talk. _Great_.

“Well…. First, Bedivere talked to Caelly. She told him everything about what went down at that dinner where Merlin…”

“I already know that part,” Arthur interrupted him coldly.

“Of course. Um… Percival woke me last night because Gawain… was having nightmares. He wanted me to calm him down. When we went to his rooms, he wasn’t there anymore. We, uh… searched for him. And…” Kay broke off. Looking again at Arthur’s bed, he said,  
“Arthur, maybe… it would be better to talk about this elsewhere.”

“There is nothing you can’t say here.”

Kay made an almost helpless gesture towards the bed. “Arthur, I really don’t think…”

“Damnit, Kay! Out with it! That brainless guard yesterday told me four of you were in front of Caelly’s chambers late last night. So what the hell’s been going on? And I’m telling you, if this is about some stupid rivalry thing over Caelly I will…”

“Badyn raped Gawain last night.” Bedivere’s voice was cold as ice.

For a moment, the room was absolutely silent. Kay could see Arthur becoming white as a sheet, but before Kay could say or add a thing, cursing Bedivere inwardly for being so damn blunt, the most horrible wailing sound could be heard, coming from Arthur’s bed. Kay watched Arthur spinning around and racing over, then he sat down at the table and closed his eyes. This was exactly what he had been scared of.  
[  
](http://silkmoth101.dreamwidth.org/240846.html)

~*~

  
While he was holding a sobbing Merlin in his arms, Arthur felt the first true stirrings of fear. This couldn’t be happening, it had to be a nightmare. What had been done to Merlin had been dangerous enough for anyone who did this. Merlin was the manservant of the Crown Prince. And still Badyn would have been able to lie his way out of it somehow, especially if Uther was inclined to listen, whatever the reason. But to rape a knight - _Gods! Gawain!_ \- not even the king could turn a blind eye to this. _He can if he’s under a spell_ _,_ a voice whispered inside his mind. _Think about how he acted when that troll woman had him hexed; he’d behaved like a madman, almost destroyed the whole kingdom._

Arthur swallowed; he remembered far too well that there had been nothing he could have done then. If that troll had commanded Arthur’s death… well, Uther may have cried afterwards, but Arthur would have still been dead. And now the prince wondered if Merlin had been right, if there were more people in Camelot under a spell. Closing his arms even tighter around the other man, Arthur considered running. Just grab Merlin, get on a horse and… No. No way would he run. He might not be the King yet, but he had a responsibility. And if his father was unfit to rule, he would have to… Gods.

Arthur buried his face into Merlin’s dark hair, eyes closed. He needed a plan, he had to think of _something_ , anything… he had to look after Gawain… he couldn’t leave Merlin… he didn’t know whom he could trust… he had to protect… Merlin… his knights… Camelot…

A second before Arthur broke down completely, Merlin managed to wriggle his arms free of the death grip Arthur had him in, and took hold of his face.

“We’ll find a way,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur looked at him for a minute, then leaned his forehead against Merlin’s. Swallowing the “How?” he nodded slightly and said, “Yes.”

Noticing for the first time how badly he was shaking, Arthur tried to get a grip on himself. He wouldn’t _again_ seek shelter from the man who suffered the most. Arthur kissed Merlin’s forehead gently, and opened his mouth to reassure him that things would be alright, when he heard a quiet knock on the door. Both of them froze. Arthur could hear a chair falling to the ground and some rumbling, probably Kay picking up his sword, and then there was the definite sound of swords being drawn. The prince freed himself slowly from Merlin’s embrace, muttering an obscenity under his breath. _What now_ _?_

When he slipped out through the curtains, Arthur could see Bedivere was already at the door, asking, “Who’s there?” in a voice that clearly said, “Go away or I’ll kill you.”

“It’s me, Gaius.”

Bedivere looked over his shoulder at Arthur and the prince nodded. Bedivere sheathed his sword and opened the door, while Kay moved out of sight, sword ready. When Gaius limped into the room, Arthur could see the old man was looking better than yesterday… and at the same time, he looked worse. No doubt the physician had been up the whole night, caring for Gawain. Again, Arthur felt like someone was stabbing him with a knife. _Gawain_ … He wasn’t able yet to process what had happened to his youngest knight.

“Gaius.”

“Sire.”

“How… how is Gawain?”

“He is sleeping now… he will heal, Sire, it will take time but he will heal.”

Arthur nodded again, he had no idea what to say or ask now.

“Sire… if I’m not mistaken, there is another patient for me here?”

Before Arthur could answer, the bed curtains were drawn back violently and Merlin stood in front of the bed, wrapped in a blanket, swaying and cursing.

“No! You can’t. You know you can’t. Leave, Gaius, now!”

Gaius hobbled over to Merlin, looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and grabbed his shoulders. Arthur watched closely for a moment, but couldn’t see any distress at being touched on Merlin’s face, just worry about the old man.

“Gaius, Uther said he’d kill you! You can’t…”

“My dear boy, believe me, I’m far beyond the place where anything the King says could threaten me.” He laid a hand on Merlin’s cheek, then turned around to look at Arthur. “I think we all are, aren’t we?”

Arthur nodded slowly. “I guess we are, Gaius.”

***

While Gaius opened his bag and settled down with Merlin on the bed, Arthur went over to his two knights, who did their best to not look at Merlin.

Bedivere turned to him. “Arthur, your father and the ass with his pals have already left the castle today. We saw them riding out…”

Arthur interrupted him. “I know. I’ve seen them myself. So the two other guys were Badyn’s company? His servants?”

“ _Knights_.”

Arthur stared at the wall for a minute, then looked at the other men. He hesitated for another moment, then said, “I need your help.”

Both knights straightened up to their full length.

“Whatever you need, Arthur,” Kay answered; then he looked down to fasten the belt around his waist. Arthur watched him, knowing he was far too suspicious… but Kay acted weirdly today. On the other hand, they were _all_ acting weirdly. Who wouldn’t, after all what had happened, not only last night, but also in the week before. Arthur shook his head slightly to keep his thoughts on the here and now.

“Bedivere, I want you to go and find out where my father went. Ask Sir Gaelin… he above all should know where the King is and what his plans are. Tread carefully… and watch out for… anything unusual.”

“What do you mean, _unusual_?”

Arthur shrugged and tried to sound not too ominously. “Unusual behaviour… you know, if Gaelin or the other knights are acting strangely. Maybe frightened or something like this. I want to find out more about what went down in the days after Badyn arrived and before everything went to hell. But again, Bedivere, be careful. Find out as much as you can but don’t put yourself in danger.”

“Arthur, who should…?”

“I don’t know! And that is the problem, isn’t it? We all haven’t been here the last week. We have no idea what’s happened.”

Kay, who had finally finished fumbling around with his belt, stepped closer. “I really hope you have a more exciting assignment for me, Arthur.”

“Exciting?” Arthur hissed. “You want excitement, Kay?”

“No! I only wanted to… forget it.”

Kay hung his head and Arthur swallowed hard. There was no reason at all for him to bite Kay’s head off… only the insane desire in him to kick or kill _someone_.

“I’m sorry, Kay.”

The knight looked up, open surprise in his eyes. _Just as well_ _,_ Arthur thought. _I’m not my father, I can stop behaving like him._

“I want you to go back to Caelly’s chambers. Send Percival to the maids… they love him, maybe he can find something out. And you… talk to Lady Caelly. Maybe she knows more about what happened between my father and Badyn. I need every bit of information I can get, Kay, before I decide… well.”

Both knights nodded; Bedivere still looked a bit confused, while Kay averted his eyes.

“Come back here before noon, alright?”

Arthur locked the door behind the two men and leaned back at it, eyes closed. This had not gone well, to say the least. Arthur knew it was his fault; Bedivere and especially Kay had no doubt expected that the prince would take over, or visit Gawain, or… do _something_. And what _had_ he done? First, he had threatened Kay with his sword, then cared for his manservant, not for his injured knight, and then… and this was the worst, he had been _hesitating_. Arthur was aware that at a time like this, he had to tighten the strings, he had to be on top of everything. But he wasn’t and it showed.

Arthur sighed. His whole world was upside down and everything he had ever learned didn’t seem to be right anymore. Hell, he could almost hear his father’s yells in his mind. _Never apologize! Do you have no pride_ _?_ Arthur thumped his head back against the wooden door. He was still tired and he was scared; he had no idea how the two knights would react to his behaviour. And if he couldn’t tell about those two, who were really close to him, what would happen with the others? How should he…?

“Arthur?”

The prince straightened up. “Yes?”

“Are you okay?” Merlin’s blue eyes were filled with concern.

“I’m fine, Merlin.”

While Arthur went over to the two men sitting on his bed, he heard again the voice of his father. _To know the heart of one sorcerer is to know them all_ _._ What rubbish. Arthur decided is was overdue to stop worrying about who he wanted to be; it was time for him to become the man he was.

*~*~*~*~*

The door to Arthur’s chambers wasn’t even locked when Bedivere turned around, mouth already open. Kay held up his hand.

“Not here. Let’s go to my room.”

Bedivere, expression mulish, followed him down the stairs and along the hallway until they reached Kay’s chambers. The moment they were in the room, the other knight started to rant.

“What the hell was that, Kay? Can you maybe tell me why we even went there?”

Kay walked over to the window and stared down at the training’s field. “What did you expect? Badyn isn’t in the castle.”

“I don’t know… maybe a bit more than _go and look for something unusual_!” Bedivere spat. “At least he could have pretended that he cares for Gawain!”

Kay turned around quickly at that. “Stop that shit right now! You know as well as I do how much Arthur cares about us!”

“And why couldn’t he move his ass and go…?”

“You really have no idea, Bedivere, right? None whatsoever.”

Kay saw the other man hesitating and sighed inwardly. Bedivere was far more intelligent than he looked right now; in fact, his ruses were infamous. But the moment emotions were involved, Bedivere was… hopeless.

“What do you mean, Kay?”

“It appears it has escaped your notice how much Arthur cares about Merlin?”

“I know he cares about him.”

“No!” Kay sighed again. “I mean, he _really_ cares about him.” When he saw that Bedivere still wasn’t catching on, he continued. “Arthur’s in love with Merlin.”

“ _What_ _?_ But Merlin is… a guy.”

Kay circled a chair and sat down, hard.

“Again, I wonder what we would do without your power of observation. We’d be lost, Bedivere. _Of course he’s a guy, dammit!_ ”

“But… Arthur…”

“Bedivere, if you now tell me that Arthur is a guy, too, I swear I will kill you.”

“No! But I never noticed that Arthur… I mean, he always…”

“What?”

“Kay, he’s fallen in and out of love with every pretty girl that showed her face here in Camelot! And hey, what about Gwen? Even I can see that there’s something going on between the two.”

Kay shook his head. “No, that’s something completely different. The other girls meant nothing to him, and Gwen… I’m not sure. Maybe Arthur went for her because he hasn’t dared to go after Merlin. But I think that will change now,” his voice tapered off.

“Okay, this is… Gods. Kay… after what happened to Merlin… there is no chance in hell… Merlin will never be able to get over…”

“He will. It will take time, but he will overcome it. And don’t forget, he will have Arthur on his side. Believe me, they will be alright… in time.”

When no answer was coming, Kay looked up and saw the other man staring at him.

“What?” The knight asked again.

“Kay… how the hell do you know all this?”

Kay felt blood rushing to his face. He stood up quickly, and fastened his belt for the fourth time today. “I have eyes in my head,” he mumbled.

Again no answer. Kay risked a glance and noticed Bedivere was still staring at him, but this time with wide open eyes. _Dammit!_ This was the perfect time for the moron to become observant.

Kay took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s time for you to start looking for Gaelin?”

“Uh… yeah. Yeah. I’ll go now.”

He went to the door; then, hand already on the latch, Bedivere turned around once more. “Kay… I’m sorry.”

Trying his best to keep his face expressionless, Kay shrugged. The moment the other man was gone, he sat down again and buried his face in his hands. He had been so careful the last year, so careful to not look too long at Arthur, to not treat him any different than the other knights did, and now this. But it didn’t really matter, did it? He should have let it go long ago… and it had been a hopeless dream, anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

“There is no need! I told you, Arthur took care of it last night.”

“Still, Merlin, I have to make sure…”

“No!”

Arthur sat on the bed and watched the other two men arguing. Gaius had examined and re-bandaged the whip marks and bruises on Merlin’s back and arms… and every time he thought Arthur wouldn’t see it, he had thrown quick glances at the bracket around Merlin’s ankle. The prince kept a tight reign on his temper; he was self-aware enough to know he was downright _searching_ for a reason to lash out. Right now the fact that Gaius had known something about Merlin Arthur hadn’t known for over two years seemed to be the perfect occasion for losing it. But he didn’t and he wouldn’t, at least for Merlin’s sake.

“Merlin, please let me look at it. I won’t do anything, I won’t even touch it… but I have to make sure you’re healing… and that you don’t need other potions.”

Merlin stared at Gaius for another moment, then turned around to Arthur. He looked at him with a desperate expression on his face, teeth buried deeply on his lower lip. Without realizing what he did, Arthur reached out and laid a hand on Merlin’s cheek and stroked his thumb over the abused mouth. As if he had been waiting for this signal, Merlin crawled over and clung to Arthur tightly. Drawing him onto his lap, Arthur kissed Merlin’s right ear and then looked over the shoulder at Gaius, who stared at them incredulously. _There_ _,_ Arthur thought. _That’s something **you** haven’t known, right?_

Crown Prince and Court Physician continued to stare at each other, a whole conversation happening without words being spoken. Arthur was feeling full of love, defiance, protective instinct and fury, on Gaius’ face there was sorrow, resentment, fear and a deep unhappiness. Gaius was the first one to lower his eyes, and a minute later Merlin squeaked a bit, which made Arthur slacken his arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah… I’m okay. Believe me, I really am,” Merlin answered and snuggled even closer, nose buried into Arthur’s neck.

Arthur petted the other man’s back and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he leaned back and took gently hold of Merlin’s shoulders. “Hey… maybe it would be good if you let Gaius examine you? I wasn’t exactly at my best last night… and I really want to make sure you will be alright.” Seeing the almost betrayed expression on Merlin’s face, he continued quickly. “I’m here. Nothing will happen… and if you can’t deal with it right now, it’s also fine.”

Right words. When Arthur saw Merlin nodding, he realized that he had started to get a grip on what to say or how to treat the violated man. Yesterday, he had acted purely on instinct; he still was feeling incredibly lucky he hadn’t made any really awful mistakes. Today though, he knew that the important thing for Merlin was _choice_. It didn’t even matter if it was a choice between bad and worse… as long as Merlin could decide, he seemed to be content.

Arthur helped Merlin to get out of the blanket wrapping and then he laid down, face to face, and took him into his arms again. He concentrated fully on Merlin, kept eye contact and stroked slowly over his back. Arthur could hear Gaius talking and could even see out of the corner of his eyes Gaius’ hands moving, but it didn’t _really_ register, and the prince also doubted Merlin was noticing the physician at all. The man in his arms seemed to be almost mesmerized by Arthur, and he did his best to distract him by keeping up the slow petting motion.

Whatever it was Gaius did, it was over quickly. When the physician drew the covers over Merlin’s waist, the dark-haired man blinked rapidly, looking almost surprised. Arthur sat up slowly and glanced at Gaius. “And? What do you think?”

Gaius hesitated for a moment, which made Merlin turn around, and then he nodded. “Actually, it looks far better than I’ve thought it would.” He looked down for a moment, then up again at Merlin. “You know, it’s…” He broke off again, throwing a quick glance at Arthur. “Could I maybe talk to Merlin alone for a moment, Sire?”

Arthur felt his temper rise, but before he could answer, Merlin said, “No. I want him to hear it.”

“Merlin…”

“No, Gaius, I mean it.”

The old man crossed his arms, shaking his head.

Arthur was at the end of his tether. “WHAT, GAIUS? You’ve said it looks good… so what the hell aren’t you telling us? What… is something else wrong?”

“I’ve begged you to talk to him alone, Sire. Can’t you just…?”

Merlin raised both hands. “Okay, calm down, both of you. I think I know what this is about. Gaius… Arthur knows. He knows I’m a warlock.”

“WHAT? Why did you…?”

“HEY! Lower your voice, old man! I really wonder where you’re…”

“Arthur!” Merlin laid his hand on the prince’s chest. “Please don’t. Please.”

Arthur looked at Merlin and nodded, swallowing. Whatever it was he swallowed, it certainly felt too big to go down smoothly. But Merlin was right, of course, this wasn’t the time… or better, it wasn’t the _place_ to have it out with Gaius. Not in front of the injured man. He squeezed Merlin’s hand shortly and then glanced at Gaius. “So… what is it?”

Gaius still looked thunderstruck. “Um… it has actually healed far more than I thought possible. So I wanted to ask you… um… has your… magic returned?” He almost choked on the word _magic_.

Merlin shook his head slowly. “No… not really. To be honest, I’m not sure what’s going on. I was able to break the chain while I was still in… Badyn’s chambers. And as you have seen, the bracket has broken somewhat. I think it has to do with Arthur, but… I can’t really say.”

“The prince wasn’t there when you’d fled from Badyn’s rooms. So how…?”

“I know. But… he told me he would kill Arthur. And then, _something_ worked. Well, and the tear in the bracket…” Merlin flushed. “It had to do with Arthur again. And something else…” He turned to the prince. “You know what I’ve said about Kay and Bedivere being under a spell? They aren’t. I can’t tell you how I know, but… they don’t pose a threat to you. I _know_ that.” Merlin glanced at Gaius again. “So you see, any magic I can do, is somehow related to Arthur.”

Gaius looked thoughtful. “It’s not the first time this is happening. Remember what the dragon said? Two sides of a coin? Maybe some part of your magic, maybe even the strongest part, is bound to Arthur.”

Arthur had sworn to himself he would just listen. He had gritted his teeth and said nothing. But now, he knew he would burst a vessel if he had to keep silent.

“The DRAGON? _That_ dragon?”

Merlin hung his head, while Gaius asked, obviously confused, “I thought you told him?”

“Yes… but not everything that happened in the last two years, Gaius.”

Arthur just continued speaking. “Merlin? Did I really wound that thing mortally before I got knocked out? Or is it alive and terrorizing other people?”

“It isn’t terrorizing anyone.”

When Merlin stopped after that, Arthur asked, “And?”

A heavy sigh, then, “I’d told him to stop hurting people… and to go away.”

“You _told_ him?”

“Arthur, do you remember who my father was? _I’m_ the last Dragon Lord now.”

“Mhm. And that thing told you that your magic is bound to me? In the few minutes I was out?”

Merlin was slowly becoming pale again. “No,” he answered hoarsely. “The dragon was trapped… by your father. The King chained him deep under the castle. And I… I…”

All of a sudden, Arthur noticed how completely drained Merlin looked; he was white as a sheet with dark circles under his eyes. Arthur could have kicked himself. He was far too furious today, and he had to really guard his tongue. He wasn’t angry at Merlin and he still almost attacked the other man. “Hey. I’m sorry… I’m pestering you about things that aren’t important now. I’m just…” Arthur took a deep breath. “I’m just so _angry_. But not at you, never at you. I’m sorry I’ve took it out on you.”

Merlin stared at him out of huge, almost black eyes. “Arthur…”

“No. No, please don’t start again. Whatever happened, whatever you or someone else… or some _thing_ else did or didn’t do… don’t be afraid, okay? There is a lot of blame going around,” Arthur couldn’t prevent a quick glance at Gaius, “and I guess there will be some for all of us. But I also know who’s to blame mostly… my father.” Merlin still looked crushed, and so Arthur leaned forward, opening his arms. “Come here.”

Scrambling immediately over, Merlin clutched him tightly. Arthur nuzzled him for a moment and waited for the trembling to subside, glad Gaius didn’t make a sound. When he slid his arms around Merlin’s back, Arthur noticed that the other man’s skin was cold, far too cold. He drew back slightly. “You’re freezing. Where is the tunic I gave you?”

Merlin shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know where the pants are, either.”

After a quick kiss to the nose, which made Merlin grimace, Arthur started to look around for the clothes. The bed was a mess… furs, towels, pillows… everything was jumbled. The prince shook his head. “I just give you new ones, Merlin. I doubt I’ll find anything here.” He hesitated for a moment. “Uh… Merlin… where is the knife?”

“I’ve hidden it again… where it was before.”

“Good. At least we won’t get stabbed by accident then.” Arthur stood up and went over to one of the commodes. Behind his back, he could hear Gaius talking.

“Merlin, you are still recovering and will for some time. You look like you haven’t rested at all. You have to sleep.”

While Arthur agreed with the physician on the sleeping issue, he also heard the reproval meant for him. Gritting his teeth, he rummaged around in the drawer.

“I’m not tired, Gaius.” As if on cue, Merlin yawned. “Er… I’m really not looking forward to sleep… and to nightmares. I’d rather be awake.”

“Very well. Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“At least drink some water then. I’ll fetch you a cup.”

Arthur heard the old man going over to the table, probably for the jug of water. He also heard water pouring into a cup and then a _very_ quiet clanking sound. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Gaius pouring something else beside water into the cup, out of a blue flask. He was so quickly over at the table, grabbing Gaius’ wrist, that both of the other men gasped.

“What is that?”

Gaius hissed at him, trying to free his arm. After holding on for a minute, Arthur let it go reluctantly. He had no desire at all to bruise the old man, no matter how furious he was.

“Just something to relax him.”

“You know what, Gaius? You may have been able to drug me once… but you will stop this shit right now!”

“Arthur!”

“No, Merlin!” Arthur turned around to the distressed looking man on his bed. “I’m all for you going to sleep. I’m also all for you taking a sleeping draught. But… this whole lying and tricking people one calls his friends thing… it has to stop. Now.” Addressing Gaius again, Arthur continued. “If you want him to take a potion… talk to him, dammit! What do you think… how would Merlin feel if he drinks what he thinks is water and then the potion takes effect? I’m really starting to wonder, Gaius,” the prince hissed.

“Arthur,” Merlin called again.

Sighing, Arthur turned about and went over, sitting down beside Merlin. Inwardly, he was seething. He _knew_ he was right, no matter what Merlin would say now. But he also knew how close Merlin was to Gaius, and he prepared himself for a lecture about just that.

“You’re right, Arthur. Thank you.”

Totally surprised, Arthur raised his head and looked into gentle blue eyes. Merlin smiled ruefully. “I think we all have to get used to… I don’t know, trusting each other? Stop lying? Both of us, Gaius and I, are far too used to lying, I’m afraid.”

The physician, who had walked over to them by now, nodded. “You’re right, Merlin. I’m sorry, I really am.”

“It’s okay.” Merlin sighed. “So, you both want me to drink it? Then give it to me.”

After Gaius had handed him another bottle out of his bag, Merlin turned to Arthur. “You will stay here?”

“I won’t go anywhere while you’re sleeping, Merlin. I promise you.”

Merlin nodded shortly, sighed again and drank the potion down.

“If this is the same Gaius has given me some time ago, you should lie down quickly, believe me.” Arthur helped Merlin rest against the pillows, drawing a few furs over him. “We should have dressed you first,” the prince groused.

“Doesn’t matter,” Merlin mumbled. “I’m very… warmmm…”

Arthur huffed and combed once more with his fingers through the sable hair. He had to give it to Gaius, his potions worked like… well, a charm. _Out like a light_.

“He’s asleep.”

The prince looked up at the physician. “Yes.” When he saw Gaius bending down to get his bag, Arthur stood up.

“Oh no, Gaius. Leave your bag where it is. You and me, we will have a talk _now_.”

Suddenly looking just as furious as Arthur felt, Gaius nodded. “With pleasure, _my Lord_.

 

***

  
Arthur hadn’t even taken his seat at the table when Gaius started on him. Although the old man kept his voice quiet, he could have as well been yelling instead.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“What the hell are you talking about? What have _I_ been doing? I would like to know what _you_ …”

“How dare you? How dare you to capitalize on the feelings this boy has for you? Now, of all times! Why you of all people? I had thought better of…”

Arthur couldn’t understand the other man anymore; there was a loud hum in his ears that drowned Gaius’ voice. _Capitalize?_ With one sudden motion, he grabbed Gaius by the scruff of his neck and drew him halfway over the table, until they were both nose to nose.

“Shut up, old man,” Arthur hissed, his voice cold as ice. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, so shut the hell up!” Just as sudden as he had seized him, Arthur let go of Gaius, making him fall backwards in the chair with a surprised yelp. The prince leaned forward and propped himself on the table so he could still loom over the physician. “I think you have forgotten to whom you’re speaking! You shouldn’t wager too much on the fact that Merlin is fond of you, do you hear me?”

Gaius didn’t seem to be intimidated though, quite the opposite. Face white with a few red blotches on it, which made the ugly bruising stand out even more, the other man snapped, “It really is unbelievable… you think now is the time to remind me of who you are, _Sire_? So you don’t have to lose an argument? You are indeed your father’s son then.”

For a minute, Arthur saw –quite literally- red. He raised his fist to smash it into Gaius’ face, saw the other man shrinking back from him and only in the last possible moment, Arthur realized what he was doing. Letting his hand crash onto the table, he almost overbalanced. The prince stared into frightened eyes, then he abruptly straightened up and went over to the bed. Arms crossed, he looked down at Merlin, who was, despite the noise, thankfully still deeply asleep. Before his inner eye he could see another man taunting him about his father. If this man had been real and not an image conjured by another warlock… this man would be dead today, just because he had insulted the prince. Arthur also remembered how desperately Merlin had tried to make excuses for him then… _Whatever happened,_ Arthur thought, _Merlin had always been arguing with me… but when things went wrong… he had never blamed me, even when it had been my fault. He’d always consoled me_. Arthur calmed down, just because he could _see_ Merlin, just because he _knew_ Merlin was here, and would stay here beside him.

Taking a deep breath, Arthur turned around and walked back to the table. There he stood for awhile and looked at the defiant old man, then he sat down again, sighing. He was far from being at peace with Gaius, but this wasn’t a fight he wanted to get into today, and neither did he want to argue about other things.

“I won’t discuss my relationship with Merlin, neither with you nor with someone else,” Arthur said quietly. “If you truly believe I would harm him, you will have to talk to Merlin about it. Despite you calling him a ‘boy’, he is an adult.”

“You _will_ do harm, Arthur. What about you and Gwen? You have no right…”

Arthur huffed and shook his head. “You’re not listening, Gaius. I don’t have to explain myself to you. Since you already seem to know so much, you are of course free to talk to Gwen, too. But you won’t be a participant in any conversation I may or will have with Merlin or Gwen. I do know that you’re close to Merlin; maybe in time I will be able to understand and even appreciate how you have been helping him… and your reasons for it. But not today. I have lots of questions about what happened in the last days. If you’re willing to answer them, stay. If not, you may leave now.”

Arthur looked Gaius dead in the eye, and after a moment the physician relented and nodded.

“Go ahead then, Sire.”

***

“I was there with your father in the throne room when Badyn arrived. To my shame, I have to admit I didn’t recognize him for what he was. I mean, I knew he was Cendred’s son, but Merlin and I had never really discussed the royal family of Aesctir. I didn’t know Badyn was even worse than Cendred,” Gaius sighed. “In the beginning, your father was… not friendly, to say the least. Badyn cadjoled him, made hints about his own father, how ill he was… he wanted badly to talk to Uther alone. First, your father declined… a few times, actually. But Badyn insisted and told Uther it was a matter of secrecy… that no one beside the King of Camelot should know about. In the end, Uther agreed to a short private conversation. Sir Gaelin was concerned, of course, and Badyn accepted to disarm completely. Then they went away. When they came back…” Gaius looked up at Arthur, helplessly. “…your father was like a different person. He was laughing, had his arm around Badyn’s shoulders…” Gaius broke off again.

“So you think Badyn put my father under a spell right from the start?” Arthur asked.

“In hindsight? Yes. At that moment, no. We were all surprised, of course. But to be honest, I was relieved. Since you had left, your father had been in a bad mood. And you know best how he can get when… well. Anyway, your father announced there is reason to celebrate, that there will be great fortune coming to Camelot and called for preparing dinner in the throne room, with Badyn as guest of honor. I left then to change clothes and when I came to my rooms, Merlin was already waiting for me. He had seen Badyn arriving and wanted to avoid him at all costs. He was so upset, Arthur. For the first time ever, he told me about how Cendred ruled his land… and how his son collected debts from their subjects. When I saw how truly angry Merlin was, I told him to leave the castle and hide and wait in one of the huts in the woods for your return. He packed and left. But then… I don’t know why… he was serving at dinner, at the King’s table.”

“My father caught him on the stairs… and talked him into helping out.”

“What? But why…?”

Arthur looked at Gaius, thoughtfully. “Because my father was nice to him. And while a without reason _nice_ acting King would creep you and me out… Merlin felt honored.”

Gaius closed his eyes. “Did Merlin tell you what happened at the end of the dinner?”

“Yes.”

“I really thought Uther would kill him. And then… for the first time, I noticed something wasn’t right. Your father… he was standing over him… he had already started to draw his sword, when he… suddenly paused. I wasn’t far away; I had stood up and wanted to get between them so I saw your father’s face. He looked almost dazed… and then he sheathed his sword again and told the guards to throw Merlin in the dungeons. And the whole time, he had this weird expression on his face… as if he would hear something I couldn’t hear.” Gaius sighed again. “I’m sorry I can’t explain it better. He looked so strange, Arthur, that my hair stood up on end. I knew there was magic happening… but I have to confess I thought Merlin did something.”

“You _knew_ there was magic? So you are… what? A warlock, too?” _And wouldn’t that be the joke of the century_ , Arthur thought darkly.

Gaius hesitated for a moment. “It isn’t so easy, Arthur. Yes, I am able to detect _Old Magic_ , and yes, I am able to work… _some_ magic. But I don’t. When your mother… died, I’d chosen your father’s side. Believe me, you don’t want me to get into this right now. I’ve sworn an oath to not talk about it… but now… I… I just don’t know, Arthur. Everything is upside down. But to answer your question, no, I am not nor was I ever a _warlock_ … not in the way Merlin is.”

Arthur leaned back in the chair and combed his fingers through his hair. With every new word he heard, a door to another, darker Camelot seemed to open wider and wider. There was a world he knew nothing about, and this fact was his father’s fault. A fact that might cost them all their lives today. Arthur knew he would need far more time than he had to understand everything… and the one person who could truly help him against dark magic wasn’t able to right now.

“Should I go on, Sire?”

Arthur nodded.

“Sadly, I still don’t know why Badyn is able to work this kind of magic but…”

“Morgause.”

“Excuse me?”

“Morgause. She’s given Badyn the chains to suppress Merlin’s magic and some crystal… to put my father under a spell, I suppose.” When Arthur noticed how pale Gaius had become, he frowned. “What?”

“I… I hoped Badyn had just stumbled over something… and heard rumors about Merlin’s abilities.”

“No. Badyn came here with clear instructions from Morgause… I just don’t know what exactly it is he wants.”

“Are you sure, Sire?”

“Yes. Badyn told Merlin… what is it, Gaius?”

“By what I’ve learned from Merlin… Morgause is a very powerful witch,” Gaius swallowed. “Sire, to go against her or someone she aids…” The old man didn’t finish the sentence but then he didn’t have to.

“It’s not as if I have a choice, Gaius.”

“You could leave.”

“Can I?” Arthur asked, feeling tired to the bone. “And whom shall I take with me? Or better, whom would I have to leave behind? Do _you_ want to stay here? What about the servants? The knights? The villagers? I’ve seen what kind of monster Badyn is… with or without magical help. No, Gaius, I can’t leave.”

“Sire… to fight someone who can do magic…”

“Oh I know. I had some time to think and I’ve noticed by now that I haven’t been incredibly lucky the last two years… I had powerful help right behind me. This still doesn’t change the facts. Badyn has to die, and I will be the one to kill him, no matter how.”

For a moment, neither man said a word. Arthur followed one of the wooden creaks in the table with his forefinger; he steadfastly refused to let himself become more scared than he already was. He was sure that in the end, it would come down to the question who would be quicker… he or Badyn. Or who had the better plan… which wasn’t a comforting thought, considering that Arthur had no plan at all.

The prince sighed heavily. “Gaius, I have to ask… how did it happen that my father’s beaten you? How did you even manage to get to Merlin?”

“As I said, I thought Merlin had hexed Uther. Since I didn’t know how long the spell would last, I waited for your father go to sleep. Then I wanted to go down to the dungeons and ask Merlin what he had done. But the light in the King’s chambers didn’t go out; he was up the whole night. So I finally went down when it was already dawning. Merlin wasn’t there anymore; one of the guards told me that Badyn’s knights had gotten hold of him in the middle of the night. They had had a sealed order of the King with them that said Merlin had to be delivered to the prince and that no one was allowed near him anymore. I immediately walked to Badyn’s chambers and asked one of the maids if he was inside. She said no, so I just went in. And found… Gods.” Gaius closed his eyes, clearly overwhelmed by the memories.

Arthur jumped up, went over to the window and laid his forehead against the glass. Oh, how he wished he had been there. He would have gotten Merlin out of the dungeons long before the bastard’s pals had a chance to… _And then what? My father would have overruled me just as he always does. Would I have really rebelled against him? And even if I had done so… what would it had solved? Most probably I would be dead already. Because Merlin had been right… I would not have listened to him._

“Sire…”

“Go on, Gaius,” Arthur said, staring down at the inner courtyard, where the first villagers joined the people of Camelot in the market. It was still long before noon, no matter that Arthur felt he had been up for a whole day already.

“There isn’t a lot more to tell. Merlin was barely conscious but he still managed to tell me about the bracket, and I… I didn’t really know where to begin to treat him… Badyn must have flogged him for hours. I’ve just started to wash his back when Badyn returned… with your father. I was furious and yelled at Badyn. I was sure your father wouldn’t allow for something like this. I was wrong.”

“He beat you.”

“Yes. I’ve went against his order… he accused me of treason and told me I should be glad he let me stay alive. By then, I knew that Badyn had to be the one who had put Uther under a spell… there was nothing I could have done. So I went down to my rooms and searched for something to break the chains and get Merlin out of the castle. I didn’t find anything, but I still returned to his rooms when it was time for supper… I hoped to find a key. But I couldn’t get into his chambers again, two guards where in front of it and the door was never unguarded again.”

At that, Arthur turned around. “How did Merlin escape then? I mean, I know he managed to destroy the chain but if there were guards outside the door…”

“Didn’t he tell you?”

Arthur returned to the table and sat down again. “No. He said he can’t remember how he’s gotten into my rooms.”

“He… he knocked out everyone in that hallway. Everyone, including Badyn’s knights. At least that’s what your father told me when he questioned me about Merlin. I didn’t believe it… I thought Badyn killed Merlin and the whole accusing Merlin of being a warlock was only a ruse.”

“My father did what?”

“Uther wanted to know if… if I had known that Merlin was a warlock.”

Arthur stared at Gaius, then he covered his eyes with one hand. So… the worst case had come true. His father knew that Merlin was a sorcerer, and not only from hear-say… the king had _proof_. How in heaven’s name could he solve this?

“I’m sorry, Arthur.”

The prince lowered his hand. “It’s not your fault, Gaius.”

“What will you do?”

Arthur shook his head slowly. “I don’t know yet. I’ll have to talk to Bedivere before I decide. Gaius… I will need your help today. I don’t want Merlin anywhere near the bastard… and I need someone who will watch out for Merlin, someone who will take him away from here if I should fail. I know I can’t expect you to drag him out of the castle… I will provide some help. But Merlin might listen to you. I trust you know some secret paths out of the castle if the worst should come to the worst?”

“Yes, I do. But, Sire…”

“Then I suggest you do some packing while I wait for news from Bedivere and Kay. I will send one of them to you to keep you informed.”

***

Kay arrived first with no real news –Gawain and Caelly were still asleep, and Percival hadn’t found out anything new either- and wandered nervously through Arthur’s chambers until there was a knock on the door. Arthur opened it, hoping Bedivere would stop Kay pacing; it was getting on his nerves, badly.

“Hey.”

“Did you run into any trouble?”

“No, not at all. The whole castle is quiet, weirdly so.” Bedivere glanced at Arthur’s bed and the drawn curtains. “Merlin?”

“Is asleep. Gaius made him drink a sleeping draught; I doubt he will wake up during the next hours.”

“Good for him.”

“And? What did you find out?”

Bedivere sighed and looked first at Kay, then at Arthur.

“I don’t know what to think about this, Arthur. I spoke to Gaelin and a few of your father’s guards. They all told me the same. Uther has left the castle at dawn, and the only company he took with him were Badyn and his two… pals. Well, they may be knights, but forgive me when I don’t call them that.”

“What? Really none of the King’s knights? No royal guards?”

“No. As I said, I have no idea what that’s about. Gaelin was furious… after all, he is Uther’s First Knight and he didn’t know anything about the trip, until one of the guards told him. Apparently, Uther wanted a very small hunting party, for stags. But I don’t know. It sounds… strange, to say the least.”

Arthur rubbed his chin for a moment.

“I would give a lot to know what this is all about. Anyway, a few things, Bedivere. Go to the guards and tell them to watch out for this _hunting party_. If they come back before dusk, I want to know immediately. And I mean _immediately_. Take care of that… and put the fear of the Gods into them. Best would be if you’d tell Henry to stay on the castle wall himself. Next. If they come back _without_ my father, I want them arrested at once.”

“Arthur…”

“Tell them it’s a direct order from me. I would really like to kill them myself, but if they try to flee or resist arrest, they should be killed on the spot. I don’t care what they might say about my father or his whereabouts.”

Kay shook his head. “Arthur, do you really think they will murder the King, out in the woods? I don’t…”

“No, I doubt that. Because then, I would be King… and I don’t think Badyn wants to see me in this role. My guess would be, Badyn wanted my father out of Camelot today, for obvious reasons. I’m sure there is something else going on… I’m not sure what yet. When they come back… Badyn has to have a plan to make sure he is safe here, no matter what accusations may await him. And then… he will kill me, and make it look like I was murdered, let’s say by magic? By Gaius, for example, or by Merlin. Or both of them. I have to say, it would be a good set-up. Then, what would happen? Cendred is old and ill, my father isn’t a young man either… who will inherit everything?”

“Hey! We would still be here, we know everything. He can’t have a plan to avoid…”

“Ah, Kay. You really think Badyn would keep my knights? You would be sent away so quickly, you wouldn’t know what hit you. And I don’t think I have to tell you what would happen to every one of you if you resisted.”

The two knights stared at the Crown Prince, not saying a word.

Arthur smiled without humour. “What? Don’t you think that’s a good plan for such a… You know, I don’t think there is a word to describe him. Alright, a few more things. Should they all return during the day, things will become difficult.” Arthur looked at the ground for a moment. “I will kill Badyn, no matter if I have to do it at dinner in the King’s chambers. But I may not be able to stay here afterwards. It will depend on how my father reacts.”

“Arthur. You’re right, Badyn will die. But please, you shouldn’t be alone. Some of us will guard you during the day. You’ve said it yourself, you don’t know exactly what Badyn has planned. The King disinherited you once already, who tells us you won’t get thrown in the dungeons this time?”

“Kay…”

“Sorry, but hear me out. You can’t do this alone. You know this. At least think of what would happen to Merlin if you should fail. We’re in this together.”

Arthur sighed. It had been one thing to think of this alone in the morning, but to talk about it was… inconceivable.

“I can’t expect all the knights…”

Kay interrupted him a second time; the lines were already starting to blur.

“No, not all the knights. But you can expect the best of us to stand by your side. And I would make a bet that the guards will choose wisely… as will the servants. Your father,” Kay swallowed, “won’t stand a chance.”

Arthur stared for a moment at Kay, then glanced over to Bedivere. The older knight looked almost fondly at Kay. It was obvious to Arthur that this was not a new topic to either of them.

“I will pray that it won’t come to that. I have no desire to kill my father and thereby become King.” Arthur hesitated for a moment, then continued. “There is something I haven’t told you yet. You might remember I was… a bit suspicious of you when you first came by. I have reason to believe that Badyn may have… cast a spell on my father.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh please,” Kay groaned and thumped the back of his head against the stone wall. “Not another curve.”

“What?” Bedivere asked again. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure Badyn has the means to work magic. I’m not completely sure that my father is under a spell; though, when you think about it… him leaving the castle without guards or knights? What I heard from Gaius about how he has treated Badyn, kind of like a long lost son? I’m very sure he is.”

“Wait a moment,” Kay leaned forward again. “You just said you were suspicious of us – and hell, isn’t that an understatement- so you thought we could be under a spell, too?”

Arthur nodded.

“And how did you know we were not?” Both knights said simultaneously, looked at each other for a second and then back at Arthur.

 _Bloody Hell._ There was a reason beside their brilliant fighting skills why these two were the best knights he had. Arthur sighed. He couldn’t tell them about Merlin, not yet. He couldn’t dare to lose their trust, and –as Arthur himself knew- this could happen quickly when both of them would suspect _him_ under a spell. Gods, this whole situation… it was like a maze with no prize in the middle.

Arthur crossed his arms and said nothing.

Bedivere continued to look at him expectantly, while Kay suddenly narrowed his eyes. Arthur tensed; for some reason, Kay had always been good at reading him.

“Well, you’ve always had a good gut instinct, Arthur,” Kay said, surprising Arthur and apparently Bedivere, too. “We should concentrate on the important things anyway. Badyn… your father. Wow… a jinxed Uther. The Gods may help us.”

While Bedivere was groaning, Arthur watched Kay intently. The knight had been right, Arthur had a good gut instinct. And that was why Arthur was absolutely sure that the other man had just learned the truth about Merlin… but the prince had no idea why Kay had let it go. And not only let it go, he had managed to sidetrack Bedivere totally with a few words. When Kay looked up and saw Arthur staring at him, the blond knight shook his head briefly, in his eyes a rueful look.

Arthur rubbed his face with both hands; his head felt like it would burst any minute now, and it still wasn’t noon.

“Alright,” Bedivere stated. “Well, not alright, but we have a plan, haven’t we? If they come back during the day, we’ll stick close, kill Badyn and watch your father. If everything else fails, you will become King today. Am I right so far?”

This _plan_ was madness, and when Arthur looked up at Bedivere, he could see that the other man thought the same. Kay sat down heavily at the table. “Great plan.”

Arthur sighed. “Be careful to whom you talk about this, Bedivere.”

“I know exactly to whom I will talk. Do you trust me on this?”

“Yeah.”

“So… what happens when they don’t come back?”

“If they don’t return before nightfall, we will ride out to meet them. Bedivere, no training today, I want the knights you choose well-rested tonight.”

Bedivere swallowed. “Who do _you_ want to take with you?”

“You two, Percival, Galahad… Gaheris and Lamorak. I think seven of us should be more than enough, even if we have to handle sorcery.”

“What about Henry?”

“No, not Henry. I need him in the castle for something else. I will talk to him later. What do you think about the rest of _our_ hunting party?”

When Arthur saw Bedivere nodding at his choice, he continued. “Next point. Kay, go down to Gaius and ask him about villagers he knows and trusts and who know their way around the woods. I want to know where my father and Badyn are at every moment.”

“Consider it done.”

“And Kay… please, look after Gawain today, would you? I know I should go but…” Arthur swallowed. “I can’t leave Merlin. I just… can’t.”

Arthur closed his eyes and cursed himself. He knew he should take care of Gawain. He loved this man like he would love a kid-brother but he couldn’t stand to let Merlin out of his sight. He doubted he would be able to do it for some time.

“Arthur.”

The prince opened his eyes again and glanced at Kay.

“Don’t worry so much. Gawain is in good hands with Lady Caelly, you know? I doubt he would prefer you over her to tend to his wounds.” Kay smiled slightly. “And yes, I _will_ look after him and tell him how much you care. Though I already know that I will be greeted by Caelly with a knife in her hands. Maybe even a sword. This lady is _dangerous_ , today even more than usual.”

Arthur nodded. “Alright, that’s it for now, as far as I can see. Any other suggestions?” He really hoped there would be none.

Bedivere hesitated, then said, “I have one question, Arthur. What will happen tonight if we meet your father in the woods?”

Arthur looked him straight in the eye. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

***

After the knights had left, Arthur had actually ordered some food and was now pushing meat around on his plate. Despite still being hungry, he had lost his appetite. Too many thoughts were going through his mind, and none of them were comforting. He hated half-assed plans with a vengeance, but it was clear that he would have to live with them this time. There were too many things he _still_ didn’t know, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he would learn the really important news when it would be almost too late. _Probably when I’m already fighting for my life,_ the prince thought. No, these were truly _not_ comforting thoughts.

Sighing, Arthur shoved the plate away. There was more than enough food left for Merlin, and his… well, still-manservant, would need it more than he did. Arthur stood up with the intention to take a look at his armor that probably needed some mending when he heard a sudden whimpering sound behind the closed bed curtains. Before he managed to take one step towards the bed, Merlin started screaming. “ARTHUR! _ARTHUR!! NOOOOOO!_ ”

Arthur couldn’t even remember running over. It seemed like in the next second, he was drawing Merlin into his arms, shaking the badly twitching man slightly. “Wake up. Come on, Merlin, wake up, dammit!” Merlin did indeed wake up quickly, but this didn’t stop the tremors running through his body. He jerked back from the prince for a moment, stared at him out of the widest eyes Arthur had ever seen, then clutched his arms with bruising strength.

“Merlin… hush, it was just a nightmare. Please calm…”

“NO!” Merlin shook his head wildly. “This was… no, no nightmare! I saw you… I saw you…”

Arthur leaned forward and raised his hand to cup Merlin’s cheek, deeply worried. The other man looked worse than last night, completely beside himself with terror. “Hey, you have been dreaming. Nothing happened.”

“No. No, you died. You DIED, ARTHUR!”

“Merlin… look at me. I’m not dead. I’m right here.”

The warlock withdrew from Arthur’s embrace, sliding upwards on the bed, still shaking his head.

“You don’t understand! He… he killed you! Badyn will kill you. I saw it!”

A bit unnerved himself now by the sheer insistence of Merlin’s words, Arthur followed the other man on the bed and tried to get hold of him again. “Merlin…”

Merlin swerved and then, suddenly, he made another horrible wailing sound and leaned forward; with lightning speed, he began to rip off the linen threads around the bracket.

“Merlin, what the hell…?” Before Arthur could do a thing to stop him, Merlin had managed to unwrap the shackle and started to tug on it wildly. In no time, both of his hands were bleeding.

“ _Dammit! STOP THAT!_ ”

Arthur finally got a grip on Merlin’s arms and drew them away. But Merlin didn’t stop. Fighting Arthur’s hands like a cat would, he almost managed to throw the prince off; Arthur needed every bit of strength he had to subdue the nearly insane man. Feeling horrible because he had to do this, Arthur used his whole body weight to press Merlin onto his back, keeping a tight grip on his wrists. “Merlin! Please, please… calm down! I beg you!” Arthur stared into not quite blue eyes, and prayed to the Gods Merlin would snap out of it and start to listen.

After a few more moments of struggling, Merlin relented a bit, then he started to look confused. Tears appeared in his eyes, and Arthur, again horrified by himself, released Merlin and lifted himself up quickly, only to get grabbed and drawn back on top of the other man. Merlin grasped his waist tightly with both arms, stuck his face into Arthur’s neck and started to cry in earnest.

Closing his eyes against threatening tears of his own, Arthur turned them around until they were lying side by side, with the result that Merlin tried to get even closer, clutching him even tighter. The prince stroked gently over the trembling naked back and mad soft hushing sounds, but Merlin seemed to be inconsolable. He continued to sob, quietly now… he sounded as he was already… _grieving_.

“Merlin, please… stop crying, huh? Please, I can’t…”

All of a sudden, the man in his arms raised his head to look at him. Arthur tensed all over, awaiting the next fight. But Merlin just continued to stare at him, and then he asked silently, “What have you planned?”

“Uh…” Arthur seriously doubted it would be wise to tell Merlin about the _plan_. “Merlin, I… I would really like to wait until you calmed down some more. I don’t think…”

“You want to meet Badyn in the woods?”

“How do you…” Arthur broke off quickly, but it was already too late.

“Because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen him killing you, in the woods, in front of a hut!”

“Merlin, you had a nightmare. Listen, we were just talking about it here… maybe you overheard something… maybe you were only half-asleep. Please…”

“No! Arthur, this was no nightmare!”

Arthur paused for a moment; then he nodded and started to wipe away tears on Merlin’s cheeks. “Okay. What was it then? You’re telling me you have the Gift of the Sight?”

Merlin shook his head slowly. “No. Not until now.”

Taking a deep breath, Arthur nodded again. “Alright. Listen…”

“I know you don’t believe me!” Merlin interrupted him loudly. “And I have _no idea_ how to make you listen… but it’s the _truth!_ I know it! And that’s why… why you can’t go alone. I will accompany you!”

Arthur sat up quickly. “Oh no, you won’t!” Laughing without humor, he continued. “You’re crazy. You won’t go anywhere near that bastard… and you know what else? If you would come with me, you may just create a self-fulfilling prophecy! If I’d know you were close, I’d be worried to death about you, and not able to concentrate on anything else!”

Merlin raised his chin. “You can’t fight him alone!”

“I won’t be alone! I will take six knights with me!”

“If you won’t let me come with you… I will follow you!”

“Merlin!” Arthur’s voice held a definite warning. “You won’t! You will promise me to stay away… or I will make Gaius sit on you!”

Merlin started to speak a few times, but in the end, he stayed silent. When Arthur saw his expression was becoming sad and desperate again, he sighed. “Merlin… listen, I’m better with the sword than he is. I have enough men with me to deal with his knights and with my father. I do remember what you said about magical devices… I won’t let him use them. Come on… a bit of trust in _my_ skills would be nice.”

Merlin watched him thoughtfully for awhile, then he nodded, a whole new look in his eyes. Arthur had never seen this one before and it creeped him out immediately.

“Merlin…”

“It’s okay. I promise… I will stay here. I won’t follow you. But you won’t leave now, right? I saw it happen in the dark.”

 _This is **really** unnerving_, Arthur thought. Out loud he said, “If they don’t come back during the day.”

“They won’t.”

“Great. Then I will have enough time to mend my armor.”

“I’ll do it.”

“No, you won’t.” Arthur took hold of Merlin’s hands; they were badly cut and bleeding. “I will tend to these wounds, and then you may watch me doing your work… who knows, maybe you can give me some advice?”

Merlin didn’t smile, not even a bit. He just continued to watch Arthur intently.

 

~*~

  
Kay stood in front of Lady Caelly’s door, wishing he could have accompanied Bedivere to his meeting with the other knights. He would even prefer still being in Gaius’ rooms, although the old man had been in a terrible mood. The whole time Kay had talked, the physician had thrown various stuff in leather bags, cursing Arthur. Kay had just continued to lay out the _plan_ and ignored Gaius’ ramblings –he had a perfectly good idea _why_ the other man was mad at the prince- and when he finally had finished his tale, Gaius had turned around, almost spitting at him.

“That’s your plan? Have you all gone insane? That’s not a plan, that’s…”

“Madness? Yeah. Still… what else is there to do? We don’t know everything yet.”

“Everything? Sounds like nothing if you ask me!”

“But I’m not asking you, Gaius. I informed you because Arthur told me to, and the only thing I want to know from you is if you’re able to talk to some villagers… and if you’re willing to do so?”

“Yes, of course I’m willing to _do so_. Send someone to me in about three or four hours… I should have something to tell you then. _If_ it’s not already far too late! Uther could be on his way back already… what will you do then?”

“Move _very_ quickly.”

Kay sighed. His parting words hadn’t exactly improved Gaius’ mood; he had been lucky the old physician hadn’t thrown something at his head. Gaius was right, of course. This whole plan was a disaster waiting to happen… in his mind there were thoughts and schemes chasing themselves, but he didn’t have the time right now to angst about nightmares he didn’t know when and if they would come true; he had to concentrate at the task at hand, which was talking to Gawain. And probably having a sword fight with Caelly first. He threw another look over his shoulder at Percival, who was still guarding the chambers, then sighed again, knocked twice and went in.

***

Although it was early afternoon, Caelly’s bedroom was only dimly lit; the window curtains were drawn, the only light came from a few candles and the fireplace. Kay waited for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the light change, then looked around. He could see the large bed with the halfway drawn white curtains, a few chairs, a leather settee… and though he could make out Gawain’s shape on the bed, there was no sign of Caelly. He slowly moved forward into the room towards the bed, and saw another door ajar, leading to the maid’s room probably. While Kay was wondering if he should look for Caelly first, the man on the bed sat up suddenly.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s me, Kay.”

“Kay.” Gawain sunk back again and Kay surrounded the bed to get a better view of the other knight. As expected, Gawain looked terrible, pale with dark circles around the eyes. What Kay hadn’t expected though was the sword in his hands and the hatred in his eyes which slowly dissipated and left only pain.

Kay opened his mouth to ask how Gawain was doing but closed it again. _What a completely idiotic question_ , he thought. _I only have to look at him to know how he’s feeling_. He grabbed the nearest chair, dragged it over to the bed and sat down. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Gawain struggled for a moment then managed to sit up again. “I’m glad you’re here, Kay. No one’s telling me a thing. I want to know what’s going on… I have the _right_ to know what’s going on, dammit!”

“Gawain…”

“If you try to pamper me like Gaius and Bedivere, you can leave now! And on your way out you can tell Percival if he comes back here one more time and asks me how I’m feeling it will be the last thing he’ll do!”

Kay leaned back in his chair, stunned by the ferocity of the other man’s words. He paused and tried to adapt himself to the new situation, wondering how often he already had done exactly that today. No one was behaving as they usually did, so why should Gawain be an exception? The youngest knight might be a victim, but he clearly didn’t want to be treated as one. _Makes sense_ , Kay thought. _If I was in his place, I would spit fire at everyone who tiptoed around me_.

“What, Kay?”

“Honestly? I haven’t exactly expected you yelling at me with a sword in your hand. I… I actually thought that would be Caelly’s part,” Kay answered, smiling slightly. “Where is she, anyway?”

Gawain deflated somewhat and shrugged. “I’m not sure… I _hope_ she is asleep… maybe in her maid’s room. She was awake the whole night…” Gawain trailed off and shrugged again, looking suddenly a bit lost.

“She obviously cares for you a lot,” Kay said quietly. “I thought you would be happy to find out that…”

“What? You think I want to be pitied? Yeah, that’s really great.”

Kay huffed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Shaking his head, he answered, “You’re all hopeless. Seriously… blind as bats. Well, maybe with you, it’s due to your youth. Believe me, the woman I saw yesterday who ripped off Bedivere’s and my head isn’t filled with pity… she is defending her _beloved_ , Gawain. She will lash out at everyone she considers a threat to you… probably _kill_ everyone. Reminds me of someone else,” Kay said, thinking about a blade touching his throat.

Gawain watched him thoughtfully. “She wasn’t exactly nice to Bedivere last night.”

Kay barked out a laugh. “I bet she wasn’t, considering the fact that Bedivere is behaving like a bull on his best days… and yesterday wasn’t anyone’s best day.”

“Why are you here?”

Kay sighed. “Quite a few reasons, I’m afraid. Don’t kill me, Gawain… but I wanted to know how you’re doing. You’re my friend.”

Smiling, Gawain said, “Nah. At least you don’t ask me if you can feed me some soup.”

Caught unaware, Kay started laughing. “Uh… what? Who did that?”

“Percival.”

“And he’s still alive?”

“Barely.”

“Gods! I don’t think even Merlin…” Kay broke off, aghast. He hadn’t wanted to mention Merlin’s name, not yet.

“Don’t fret, Kay. I’m not a little girl who has to be spared…”

“I know you’re not,” Kay interrupted, dead serious now. “But you also didn’t come away untouched, Gawain. You don’t have to show me how brave and strong you are, I already know that.”

Gawain lowered his head and looked down at his hands that were kneading the spread. He answered so quietly that Kay had to lean forward even more to understand him. “I know. It’s… hard. I… I lost it completely last night.” He held out a hand to stop Kay from speaking. “Again… I know. I heard it all this night… how understandable it is… how I had to let it out… but neither Gaius nor Caelly understood… how it was. How it felt to be so helpless…”

Kay hesitated for a moment, then he asked, “How did that bastard get hold of you?”

Gawain looked up at him, his usual blue eyes dark. “I don’t know. I… I had nightmares the whole night. And I’m not sure when they stopped… when things became real…”

“What do you remember?”

“I think… I think there was someone coming into my room…”

“Percival was there, too. He said you attacked him, that’s why he went and woke me.”

“No, not Percival. Three men…” Gawain cursed under his breath. “Dammit, I can’t remember! I think someone hit me… but maybe I’m just thinking that because Gaius said I have a head wound. I also have a memory of being dragged through the halls and downstairs… but seriously, man, I don’t know. What I do remember is that someone… I think one of Badyn’s pals, dumped a bucket of water over my head. Then, I was already down in the cell.”

“Badyn had his knights with him?”

“Oh yes. As far as I could tell, they all had lots of fun.”

Kay closed his eyes. For some reason, he hadn’t even considered the possibility that Badyn wasn’t the only one who had raped… he swallowed. They would pay for it, if it would be the last thing he did. “Arthur said… that Badyn is able to work magic. Did you notice something like that?”

“What? No. No… he didn’t have to. Kay… I was so out of it… hell, they didn’t even had to hold me down so hard. When I realized what was happening… I didn’t even fight them, not really. I was…”

“Stop. You had no chance, Gawain. No one would have. Three to one, you almost unconscious… think about it.”

“Still…”

“No.”

Gawain stared at the wall for a moment, then looked at Kay again. “What’s the story about magic? Where did it come from?”

“Merlin. Uh… at least I think so. Arthur wasn’t exactly talkative. But… Merlin was at Badyn’s mercy for days… so it makes sense he maybe… had seen something. Or… whatever.”

Gawain continued to stare at him. “Merlin, huh? So… the rumors…”

“Man, don’t tell Bedivere, okay? I think he… well, and maybe Percival… are the only ones who haven’t a clue about Merlin.”

“How is he?”

“’m not sure. Alive. Otherwise… I can’t tell. Arthur is out of his head… furious. I’ve never seen him in such a state before.”

“What has he planned? I only heard from Percival that Uther and Badyn aren’t in the castle now.”

“Gawain…”

“Tell me!”

Sighing, Kay leaned back and - _again_ \- started to talk about insanity.

*~*~*~*~*

Only minutes after Arthur had sent for Henry, there was a knock on the door. Letting Henry in, Arthur noticed Lamorak and Galahad out in the hall, trying to look inconspicuously… in full armor. The prince locked the door and sighed.

“Well… at least they are trying, Arthur,” Henry said smiling.

“I have to give it to Bedivere,” Arthur answered. “He acts quickly.”

“You wanted to talk to me?”

Arthur hesitated; he still hadn’t figured out how he could talk to Henry without Merlin overhearing the conversation. Although Merlin was dressed now and had eaten, he seemed to be back to not talking again. But not because he was terrified, no, it was quite obvious that Merlin was mad as hell at the prince. He hadn’t said a word while Arthur had been repairing his armor, he had just watched him. And now the warlock sat on Arthur’s most comfortable chair and stared out of the window.

Henry seemed to notice the reason for Arthur’s indecision; he pointed to the adjoining room. “Maybe we can talk there?”

Arthur winced, and of course, Merlin’s reaction was immediate. It just wasn’t the one Arthur had anticipated. Instead of begging Arthur not to go Merlin hissed over his shoulder, “Would it help if I stick my fingers in the ears?”

The prince admired Henry because the knight didn’t move a muscle. Arthur found himself at a loss how to react to _this_ Merlin; if he was sure that Merlin somehow had found his confidence again, he could indeed just walk out of here and talk to Henry in another room. But Arthur didn’t buy it, and neither did he want to take a chance and thereby upsetting the other man again. When Arthur didn’t answer, Merlin turned around far enough to look him into the eyes. “I have a pretty good idea what you want to tell Sir Henry. And since it’s about me, don’t you think I have a right to hear it?”

“Alright then,” Arthur hissed back, becoming angry himself. He turned to Henry, who now looked as if he wished he would be anywhere else but here, and asked, “Do I remember right that in your father’s realm, magic is allowed?” Out of the corner of his eyes, Arthur saw Merlin startling badly at that, while Henry’s face turned pale. And no matter how childish it was, Arthur was feeling immensely satisfied.

“Uh… Arth… Sire…”

“Arthur will do nicely,” the prince stated. “Now answer my question.”

“I, ah… yes, my father… we…it’s not… yes.” Shoulders slumping, Henry looked at Arthur. “Bedivere told me you don’t want to take me with you tonight. Is that the reason? You think I would… what? Do you know how badly I want to get my hands on these bastards?”

“No, that’s not the reason. I know you want to come with us, Henry, but I need you here. My father has accused Merlin of being a sorcerer. So you can take a guess what will happen to him and maybe Gaius if we should fail to stop him and his new pals. And I worry for Gawain… I doubt Badyn would just let him be; he will either kill him or continue to do what he already did to him.”

Henry looked confused. “So… you want me to guard them? Take them somewhere else? What has this to do with whether my father allows magic in his realm or not?”

 _Yeah, good question._ “With a reputation like that, Merlin will be killed here and in all the other realms where magic is forbidden. You can bet on it, my father will try to hunt him down.” Before Arthur could congratulate himself on the wise way he had voiced this, he saw the glance Henry threw at Merlin. _The Gods be damned,_ Arthur thought. _Does anyone in this castle know things about Merlin I hadn’t known?_

Henry looked back at Arthur and swallowed. “Uh… so you want… what?”

“I want you, Merlin, Gaius and Gawain to wait for us down in Gaius’ laboratory. If we don’t come back tonight, or if my father and Badyn come back without us, you will take the others out of here. Gaius knows a way out of the castle. You should go to…”

“In your dreams, Arthur,” a sudden hissing voice from the window interrupted him. “In your dreams. If you think I will run away without you… forget it! If I have to hack off my foot, I swear I’ll do it and blow this whole castle up!”

“Hey…”

“What? Sir Henry knows anyway. I won’t leave…”

“Merlin! Dammit! Would you please let me finish what I was saying? Before you make plans to kill everyone around here?”

The chin went up, but at least Merlin stopped yelling. Again, Arthur noticed how _dangerous_ Merlin could look… it should have been ridiculous to even think about it, but Arthur had to force himself not to back off; Henry did, two steps actually. There was something wild in Merlin’s eyes, something not quite human.

Arthur shook himself and continued. “Thank you. So, as I was saying, I want you to get the others to Aesctir, to a small town called Mired near the borders to your father’s realm,” Arthur saw Merlin sitting down again, looking stunned, “and wait for us in the tavern there. You will wait one day, then you’ll move into your father’s realm and hide them there. Can you do that?”

“Yes, of course I can. But why the stop at Mired?”

Arthur took a deep breath. “Because I have plans for Aesctir if things with my father don’t go well tonight. I will tell you if we should meet there. If we don’t come, move on… we’ll meet at your father’s home then.”

“Can’t wait to see that,” Merlin remarked. “How will you be able to get there, if you’re dead?”

“Merlin, it can very well be that something happens that will make me unable to leave immediately. Don’t put up a tombstone with my name on it shouldn’t we arrive on the first day, alright? Again, please, a little bit of trust in my plans would be nice.”

Merlin stood up again and went over to Arthur, though he made a little detour to not get too close to Henry. This move told Arthur everything he needed to know about Merlin’s state of mind. The warlock put on a brave front, a very brave front, but… Arthur’s line of thoughts got interrupted when he saw Merlin coming to a stop within touching distance beside him. He looked like he would love to come closer, but wasn’t sure of his welcome.

Arthur huffed. He had no intentions whatsoever of making Merlin his dirty little secret. Before all this happened, he would have –maybe- behaved a bit more carefully, but now? None of this shit mattered to him anymore. He raised his arm, laid his hand between Merlin’s shoulder blades and tugged gently. Merlin moved quickly into his embrace, clasping his waist with both arms. And again, Arthur had to give it to Henry… the knight’s expression didn’t change a bit.

“I want you to come home tonight,” Merlin whispered into Arthur’s neck.

Arthur squeezed him a bit tighter. “And this is exactly what will happen, Merlin. But I need to know you’re safe; it will ease my mind if we have a second plan to fall back on.”

Henry cleared his throat, making Arthur look up. “Uh, Arthur… what will we do if they come back early?”

The prince looked into Merlin’s eyes and saw the other man shaking his head slightly but full of determination. “I have reason to doubt that, Henry. But if they do, we will have to move fast. I want you to look out for them from the castle walls; if you see them, come here as quickly as you can. We’d need to get Merlin and Gawain down to Gaius immediately then. If this should go down here, I will assign one of the other knights to inform you about what’s happening. Otherwise, the plan for you won’t change. Guard and get them out of here if something happens.”

“But you think you will ride out to meet them tonight, right?”

“Yes,” Arthur answered. “I should hear soon from Gaius… then I will hopefully know where they are right now… and what they are doing.”

“Alright then. I’ll go and look out for them. See you soon. Arthur, Merlin,” Henry nodded and left, a little smile on his face.

*~*~*~*~*

“Are you kidding me? NO, no and no!”

“Lower your voice, Kay!” Gawain hissed. “Don’t wake up Caelly!”

“I think that’s exactly what I should do,” Kay answered, albeit in a quieter voice. “Maybe she can knock some sense into your head.”

“You can’t stop me!”

“Of course I can! I just have to tell Arthur! Do you know how much he worries about you? If I tell him you want in on the hunt tonight, you know what he will do? Tie you up and make Gaius feed you soup all night!”

Gawain slowly sat up and swung his legs off the bed. “Then don’t tell him. Don’t tell anyone. I will be out there in the woods on a horse and catch up with you. No one has to know why…”

“Gawain, are you insane? Okay, firstly, you are hurt. You lost a lot of blood last night, I should know, I had my hand in it. You won’t be able to ride for a long time, hell, maybe you won’t even manage to get on your horse! Secondly… and this may not impress you much, but anyway… Arthur will kill me. Caelly will kill me.” Kay paused for a moment. “Actually, I’d prefer Arthur to do it, at least it will be over quickly then.”

“No one would know…”

“Hello? Anybody in there? Arthur isn’t stupid. You think he won’t guess who told you about this crazy plan? You think he will suspect Percival? Or maybe _Bedivere?_ Yeah. Not!”

Gawain shook his head. “Arthur will understand. I know he won’t be thrilled, but he will understand. And I’m not saying I want to take on Badyn on my own. But I want to _see_ him and his pals dying, can’t you understand this? What would _you_ do in my position? Lay in the bed or get on a horse?”

Kay closed his eyes, buried his hands in his hair and started to rip on it. He knew he shouldn’t have told Gawain, _dammit!_ And the other knight had been right, too… Kay would demand exactly what Gawain wanted, and he would fight anyone who stood in the way with tooth and nails.

“Kay, please. Please. I need your help here.”

Kay groaned and let his head fall back onto his neck. Problem was, he liked Gawain, and –as the other knight knew- he was the worst pushover imaginable when it came to his friends. He looked at Gawain again and right into pleading eyes. _I’m a dead man._

“What do you need?”

***

Kay had just left Caelly’s chambers to go and find some clothes and armor for Gawain and smuggle them out to the knight’s stables when he got ambushed from behind. Before he could even try to lash out, a furious female voice hissed into his ear. “You’re not going anywhere! You’ll come right with me and then we will have a talk!”

 _Caelly._.

While he let himself be dragged down the hall and into a deserted room, Kay said good-bye to certain body parts he was fond of. _Just my luck,_ he thought. _Why not Arthur? Hell, I’d prefer Uther over her._

Caelly banged the door shut behind them, and then started immediately on him. “You will go back _now_ and tell him he will go nowhere and stay in bed, you hear me?”

“My Lady…”

“Don’t ‘my lady’ me! If you don’t do what I say, I will go straight to Arthur and tell him everything I’ve just overheard! So, make your choice!”

For a moment, Kay tried to imagine a furious Arthur and a furious Caelly in the same room, himself in the middle. Gods. He would have to flee to somewhere across the sea. He took a deep breath. “Alright… Caelly? If you’ve overheard our conversation, then you must have heard why Gawain wants to do this. Can’t you understand…?”

“Oh I do understand! But a man’s pride isn’t worth him going to his death!”

“My Lady… sometimes it is.”

Caelly flung her long blond hair back over her shoulder, tears in her green eyes. “I won’t allow this, mark my words! He is ill, hurt…” Her voice wobbled, and she wiped away tears impatiently. “I will go to Arthur!”

“I can’t keep you from doing this. But consider it carefully. If you tell Arthur, then yes, the prince will find a way to restrain Gawain. I understand you want to protect him, I do. But by doing this you will harm him, do you understand that? He _needs_ to do this. And… do you think I would allow a friend of mine –how did you call it?- going to his death? I will keep an eye on him the whole time.”

“It sounded to me like you have your hands full already… dealing with those bastards, the King, magic and the Gods know what else!”

“Lady Caelly… please listen. If you want to do something useful, go back to Gawain and try to talk him out of it. Maybe he will listen to you. Maybe. But don’t take the decision out of his hands by telling Arthur. I don’t know if Gawain could forgive you for that.”

Caelly stared at him, pale, tears on her face. Kay usually didn’t notice this about women, but she was, although in disarray, beautiful. And so very, very young. “Please, my Lady. If you can’t convince him to stay where he is, then… help him get to his feet. Have his back. If you lo…” Kay broke off, doubting the wisdom of talking about this so frankly.

“I do love him! As you very well know!”

“Then tell him! Tell him you love him and tell him he has to come back to you! I can’t think of a better motivation to give to him.”

Swallowing, Caelly hesitated. She opened her mouth a few times to say something, but no word came out. Finally, she nodded, fresh tears running down her cheeks. She laid a hand on Kay’s chest and whispered,” Look out for him, please?”

“I will.”

Long after she had left, Kay still stood there, back to the door, eyes closed. He was feeling strangely… Gods! He was alone here, he could admit it. He was scared to death.

*~*~*~*~*

Arthur leaned against the window frame and stared down at the courtyard. While the morning hours had dragged on and on, the afternoon had flown by. The prince had packed a few bags Merlin could take with him; if Merlin had to leave Camelot, he needed more clothes than he had, so Arthur had thrown everything practical he could think of into these bags and had added a few weapons. His manservant had been still eerily silent, and Arthur had long ago run out of words, too. What could he say anyway? _If I tell him I won’t die, he almost starts to cry. If I tell him everything will be alright, he gets angry._

Arthur sighed, turned away from the window and started pacing again. He had sent Lamorak for Gaius some time ago, and he waited impatiently for news. He still didn’t know a thing about the whereabouts of his father… and he needed at least this information. He couldn’t take his knights and ride out into the woods without knowing where to go. Crossing his arms, Arthur wished he could just _kick_ something… best would be something that would make lots of noise. He knew he wasn’t a patient man, but even a saint would have gone mad by now. His fingers dug deeply into his arms; he wanted to go out and kill someone _now_.

“Arthur?”

The prince looked up. “Hm?”

“Would you come here, please?”

“Yeah,” Arthur answered and walked slowly over to the bed, sitting down beside Merlin. The minute he was close to the other man, Arthur started to smile. “How do you do it?”

“What?”

“The minute I feel like I’m losing it, you call out to me. How do you know?”

Merlin leaned back against the bed head and raised both eyebrows. “I’ve known you for some time, Arthur.”

“So, you can read me well? That’s it?”

“No, that’s not all there is” Merlin answered and lowered his gaze. “I can… _feel_ when you’re upset, or sad… or in danger.”

“Could we maybe not have this conversation again? It will only lead to you or me getting mad.”

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t want that either. And I didn’t ask you to come here for another fight.”

Arthur looked at him and Merlin shrugged. “I feel like an idiot. I’ve spent the last hours treating you like dirt when I really…”

“Merlin…”

“No, no. No more talk about dying, I promise. I just… I _am_ scared. And I want to be close to you.” Merlin looked at Arthur, looked away and back again.

Arthur opened his arms and Merlin scrambled into them immediately. He hid his face in Arthur’s neck and mumbled something the prince couldn’t understand.

“Hm?”

Merlin shook his head slightly; he started to stroke slowly over Arthur’s chest, hand coming to a rest over his heart.

“Merlin?”

“It’s just that… your father knows,” Merlin cringed. “Sorry, I know you have enough already on…”

“Don’t you think I haven’t thought about this? Whatever happens, Merlin, do not worry about my father. I will protect you.”

“But I’m the one who is meant to protect _you_! I should…”

“Merlin.” Arthur smiled and then raised his hand quickly to forestall the angry words he saw coming. “I’m not making fun of you. I know now that you _have_ protected me over and over again. I just wanted to say… we can protect each other.”

“That’s just the point! I can’t protect you right now! I will be hiding in Gaius’ room while you… fight for your life.” Merlin shook off Arthur’s arms and stood up, beginning to pace around the room just like Arthur had done a few minutes ago. “I don’t want to leave with Henry. Arthur, I…”

“Come back here, Merlin, please?”

With a sigh, the warlock dropped down beside the prince again. Arthur had a very, _very_ strange feeling… to him, it seemed like he was watching an elaborate stage play, performed by Merlin. The other man was off somehow… the words were not spoken in the right voice, the expression in his eyes wasn’t matching the desperate acting. _He’s hiding something,_ Arthur thought. _And Gods, I don’t need this right now._

“Merlin? What are you up to?”

Merlin looked up, apparently surprised. _Apparently._ “What do you mean?” Arthur didn’t answer, he just stared at him. Usually, Merlin could be out-stared easily. Not this time, though. Merlin just continued to look at him enquiringly, hell, he didn’t even blush. Still, there was an almost calculating expression in his blue eyes. Arthur felt chilly.

“You know exactly what I mean. What aren’t you telling me? And don’t even bother to lie, I know when you’re…” Arthur broke off, feeling stupid. Merlin had lied to him for over two years, and he hadn’t noticed. He averted his eyes, fighting the recurring feelings of distrust. A second before they totally overwhelmed him, Merlin put his hand on his chest again.

“Arthur, please. It’s nothing bad. I… okay. I swear I will tell you when you… come back to me. I swear. But right now, I can’t.”

Arthur swallowed hard. He had a dangerous answer on his tongue, _Will you tell me before or after I take the bracket off your foot?_ , but somehow he managed to keep his mouth shut. He just nodded, “Very well then.” Even Arthur himself could hear how bitter his voice sounded. He started to stand up and was hindered by Merlin’s hands which were clutching his tunic.

“Arthur, wait!” _Now_ Merlin looked and sounded desperate.

Arthur sighed and shook his head. “I have to put on my armor now, anyway. It’s okay, Merlin, it really is. Tell me tonight.” He stood up, untangling himself from Merlin’s arms, and went over to his armoire and the wooden bench beside it, where he had laid his armor out before. Arthur had just drawn the tunic over his head when he felt Merlin’s arms wrapping around his waist again.

“Merlin…”

“No! Arthur, please listen!” Merlin tried to turn him around and Arthur let him, albeit hesitantly. “Please, I don’t want you to leave here in anger. I promise you, you will understand later. Trust me? It’s nothing evil… I just… I…” Merlin stepped even closer, obviously frightened by Arthur’s expression. “Shit. I should have kept my mouth shut. I thought the whole afternoon about it… and I… can’t.”

“I thought we agreed that the time of secrets and lies is over for us?”

Merlin’s eyes were very bright now. “It is! It’s just that… look, I’ve made lots of bad decisions lately. You have no idea how lucky you are to be still alive, despite me making a mess out of everything. I’ve lied when I should have told the truth. I’ve let myself be manipulated, pressured into doing stuff I’d known was wrong. I never gave myself the time to think things through. But this time, I did exactly that. I know what I’m doing…. So please don’t…”

“Pressure you?”

Merlin nodded, still looking scared.

Arthur let out a breath and nodded himself. “Okay. I’ve told you I trust you, and I meant that. I… overreacted. It’s just that I know so little… of what happened in the last two years and, more important now, what’s going out there in the woods. So I’m a bit strained when I have the feeling _you_ are keeping information from me, too. But I’ll let it go now. I know you mean no evil.” Smiling slightly, Arthur drew Merlin into his arms, squeezing him tightly for a moment. Then he leaned back and said, “You can help me into my armor now… time’s almost up.” While Arthur was still smiling to reassure Merlin, who quickly opened drawers to get the needed underwear for the chain mail, inwardly the prince cursed viciously. _Where the hell were Lamorak and Gaius?_

***

When Merlin had finished putting every piece of armor on Arthur carefully, he looked around for the sword.

“It’s on the table,” Arthur said quietly. It had been the most curious feeling to be dressed by Merlin now. For the first time, Arthur thought back on the hundreds of days Merlin had done this. First, Arthur had been irritated, almost searching for mistakes. Then he had been satisfied at how quickly and effectively Merlin worked –not that Arthur had ever told him- and then… Arthur rolled his eyes. He had actually come to dread Merlin dressing him, no matter if it were armor or casual clothes.

And again, remorse raised its head. _I wish I had said something sooner… none of this would have happened then, because he would have been with me._

The prince shook himself; it made no sense to dwell on this… it was how it was, he couldn’t change it anymore. What was left was revenge. Arthur continued to watch Merlin who was fiddling around with the sword, testing its sharpness. His manservant looked completely normal to Arthur right now… like nothing happened. Arthur suspected Merlin did the same he did… trying with all their might to not upset the other one. And while the prince couldn’t wait to put this dreadful fight behind him, to come back here into this room with Merlin, Badyn’s head in his hand, he still wondered what would happen when the threat was over. Arthur knew that –even when he put aside the fact that he had no idea at all what to do with another man, not mentioning that Merlin would have unforeseeable problems handling another man himself- the pressure on them, as a couple, would be enormous. He doubted people would be understanding or accepting… well, maybe a few of his knights would. But beside them, Arthur could think of no one.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. Now was not the moment for these thoughts, as he very well knew. _You were ready before to leave Camelot with Merlin… you can still do it, when Badyn is out of the picture. If things become too hard for Merlin to bear, you can still leave._ And as inconceivable this thought would have been a week ago, now all of a sudden, it made Arthur relax completely. He smiled.

“What is it?” Merlin asked, laying the sword on the bench.

Arthur shook his head, smiling some more. He looked at Merlin and saw the other man watching him closely. “I… I’m happy.” Arthur swallowed. “I know it’s not the right time to say this, but… I am happy. Happy that… we’ll be together. From now on, we will be together.” He looked anxiously at his manservant, hoping Merlin wouldn’t misunderstand him. Merlin’s expression told him he didn’t have to worry; the other man was actually _glowing_.

Arthur couldn’t help it; he reached out for Merlin and was met halfway. They fell into a kiss, and while Arthur drew Merlin even closer, he felt Merlin’s hands first on his waist and then sliding slowly upwards over the chain mail. And then… for the first time, Merlin deepened the kiss. His tongue bumped hesitantly against Arthur’s, then withdraw slightly again… the still open lips a clear invitation for Arthur to follow. And follow he did. Flushing blazingly hot all over, Arthur claimed Merlin’s mouth, clutching him impossibly close. Merlin moaned and arched against Arthur’s body, his hands sliding downwards over his chest again. And all of a sudden, his body became completely slack in Arthur’s arms, almost going down if not for Arthur holding him up.

Alarmed, the prince drew back and realized with dawning horror that Merlin’s eyes had rolled back, his head lolling in his neck; he wasn’t conscious anymore.

“Merlin? Merlin!” Arthur hoisted the black-haired man onto his arms and laid him on the bed, feeling for his heartbeat. He found it easily; Merlin heart was beating strongly, if a little fast. Not that Arthur felt relief at that. Almost buried under guilt, he petted Merlin’s cheeks gently, cursing himself inwardly over and over again. _Gods! Can you try and not behave like a complete idiot? He opens up to you a bit and what do you do? Jump him, almost suffocate him and probably scare the hell out of him! You goddamn moron!_

While he was still trying to wake up Merlin, getting more desperate by the minute, there was a sudden knock on the door.

“Sire? It’s me, Gaius.”

Arthur ran to the door, flung it open, grabbed a stunned looking Gaius by his tunic and dragged him in, while shutting the door right in front of Lamorak’s face.

“I need your help!”

*~*~*~*~*

Kay stared at Bedivere, then at Lamorak. “Are you sure he said this?”

“You can bet I’m sure,” Lamorak answered. “Have you ever heard someone yelling without raising their voice? That’s what Arthur did. Believe me, I understood every word.”

Bedivere sat down beside Kay on one of Gaius’ many wooden benches and sighed. “Alright… so we will meet here, all of us? Do you know what the hell happened?”

Lamorak shook his head. “No, the only thing I could see was a spitting mad Gaius… and well, Arthur looked a bit… under the weather. But what exactly went down between those two… no idea.”

“Great, just great.” Bedivere sighed again. “Okay, Lamorak… get Henry down from the castle walls and tell him to drag Gawain away from Caelly and bring him here… and then, go and get Galahad and Gaheris. And while you do this, Kay and I will send a prayer to the Gods that Uther won’t return right now.”

“Uh…” Kay swallowed. “About Gawain…”

“What?”

“Um… Henry should come directly here. Gawain isn’t in the castle anymore.”

“WHAT?”

Kay flinched; Bedivere had shouted straight into his left ear. Leaning away a bit, he first looked at a red-faced Bedivere, then pointedly at Lamorak. The lanky knight stared down at them a bit confused. “What are you waiting for? Get the others!”

After Lamorak’s hastily departure, Kay turned around to Bedivere, and, as he had known, couldn’t even get one word out before the other knight started yelling.

“WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?”

“Stop shouting.” Kay cringed when Bedivere became even louder.

“YOU TOLD GAWAIN? YOU… WHERE IS HE? OH NO, DON’T SAY IT!”

Just because, Kay said it anyway. “I guess by now he’s on a horse, waiting for us in the woods.” When no response came, Kay squinted at the other knight. Bedivere looked like he would explode any minute now. He obviously wanted to continue yelling, but –looking like a fish- couldn’t get another word out. “Bedivere, let it be. Arthur will rip me to pieces anyway, so save yourself the trouble.”

“Why? Just tell me why.”

Kay leaned over to get right into Bedivere’s face. “Why? Think about it for a minute! What if it had been you? And Bedivere, it could have easily been you, you know that? What if the bastard had decided he’d get a kick out of attacking the one who hacked off his fingers? What would _you_ want then, huh? Tell me how…” Kay broke off as he noticed how white Bedivere had become. _Shit._ “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

Bedivere shook his head and stood up. “No, you’re right. You’re right.” He looked like he was ready to throw up. “But hell, Arthur won’t like it.”

“That’s an understatement. As I said, he will…”

Kay was interrupted when the door burst open. Gaius came in, yelling over his shoulder, “Get him in here!” A pale-faced Arthur followed, carrying an unconscious Merlin in his arms. Kay scrambled to his feet to help Gaius and Bedivere, getting the bags off the physician’s bed. Then he watched while Arthur laid Merlin carefully on the mattress. Kay could see how badly the prince was shaking; Arthur looked guilt-ridden, his eyes were dark and full of desperation.

“What happened?” Bedivere asked.

Arthur didn’t answer, but he flinched hard at the question.

“WHAT HAPPENED? I CAN TELL YOU WHAT…”

“But he didn’t ask you, Gaius,” Kay hissed at the old man, stepping between him and the prince.

“It was my fault,” Arthur said hoarsely.

“ _Yes, it was your fault! I told you before, you will damage…_ ”

“Hey,” a weak voice interrupted. “It wasn’t Arthur’s fault, so give it a rest, Gaius.”

“Merlin!” Arthur sunk down beside his manservant; Kay watched Merlin raising his arms, and when Arthur drew him close, Kay turned away, clenching his teeth. He didn’t begrudge them their feelings, but he also didn’t want to watch them. Of course, he looked straight into Bedivere’s face, who was watching _him_ with a weird expression.

 _Gods! Where the hell are the others? I wouldn’t mind some distraction right now._

As if on cue, the door banged open again and four knights, all of them dressed in full armor, clattered and clanked into the room. Gaius rushed over toward them and hissed, “Be careful!” while rescuing a few bottles from immediate doom.

Bedivere stepped closer to Arthur. “Sire? Maybe you should… uh.”

Arthur didn’t seem to be willing to let go of Merlin yet. He stared anxiously at him, although Merlin had rallied quite a bit by now. “Arthur, don’t worry,” he said, hushing the prince. “I just… overdid it. I guess I should have stayed in bed and not been running around so much. And wow, I still feel the potion Gaius gave me.”

“You sure? Gods, I thought…”

Kay saw Bedivere becoming impatient, and therefore, before the other knight could even open his mouth, grabbed him at the arm and dragged him over to the table. “Go and make sure no one gets killed by Gaius!”

“Arthur should…”

“I know. And he will. Give them a minute, okay?”

Bedivere stared at him and shook his head. “I don’t understand you,” he whispered. “Don’t you want to…”

“What? Gods, Bedivere, do me the favor and let it go! It wouldn’t have worked out anyway,” Kay hissed. “So please stop staring at me like a calf would at its slaughtered mother!”

“Of course it would have worked out,” the other knight hissed back, completely ignoring the loud clash and Gaius’ cursing behind him. “You and Arthur make much more sense to me than Arthur and… his servant!”

“Shows what you know! Could we maybe have this conversation at another time, preferably when Arthur’s not _a few steps away?_ ”

“Okay, people, listen up!” Kay almost jumped out of his skin when he heard Arthur’s words. Shit, the prince sounded as if he would be standing right behind him, not a few steps away. Turning around, he thankfully noticed Arthur was still beside the bed; the prince had just used his ‘in-the-midst-of-a-battle’ voice.

“Is everyone … where is Percival?”

While Lamorak answered, “He’s behind the stables waiting with the horses,” Kay wished he could vanish. Because the next question would be… “Where’s Gawain?” _Yeah._

Kay straightened up slowly, opened his mouth and was suddenly cut off by Bedivere. “He wanted to come with us, Arthur. Sorry, I know you…”

Arthur’s eyes narrowed. “What did you say?”

“He’s already in the woods, waiting for us. We’ll make sure he won’t get into the fight.”

“ARE YOU INSANE? HE’S HURT AND…”

“Wow, Arthur. Stop yelling at him,” Kay interrupted. “It was my fault, okay? I told him what we have planned, and then… I couldn’t stop him. Neither could Caelly. Gawain thinks he is able to ride with us… I guess he just wants to see them die. Can you maybe try to understand?”

“You…” Arthur looked back and forth between Bedivere and him, obviously bewildered by the way his oldest knights were behaving. Then, suddenly, he cocked his head to one side, a wondering expression on his face.

 _Oh no,_ Kay thought. _Don’t you dare to think that!_ Blushing all over and realizing that this didn’t help _at all_ , he started to speak and then noticed he didn’t know what to say. _I don’t have the hots for Bedivere? Yeah, that will go over well. Bedivere would probably die on the spot._

Desperately searching for something to say, Kay finally had a thought. “Do we know yet where your father and the bastards are? Or what they’re doing?”

For a moment, the room became silent.

Arthur nodded. “Yes, thanks to Gaius and a few brave villagers, I know they’re in a very remote hunting hut. We have to ride about two hours to reach them. And as for what they’re doing…” Arthur smirked. “Well, my father is _writing_. And the others are watching him.”  
[  
](http://silkmoth101.dreamwidth.org/285039.html)

~*~

  
Arthur reined his horse in and waited for the others to catch up with him. They were already deep in the woods, it was pitch black all around and the only light came from their torches; as soon as they got close to the hunting hut, they would have to relinquish even this small comfort. Arthur was angry and worried at the same time. They hadn’t found Gawain yet, and Arthur seriously doubted the young knight would have come so far on his own. This could mean two things: Either Gawain got lost in the woods somewhere; this wouldn’t be good, but the other possibility was far worse. The wounded man could have lost consciousness and was lying somewhere in the dark, with no help coming. Arthur refused to think of the third option… Gawain somehow finding the way to the hut on his own.

The prince caught Kay’s eyes, who was riding a few meters left from him and was searching frantically right and left under every bush and tree; the blond knight immediately looked away. Arthur shut his mouth tightly; Kay looked guilty as hell anyway. Watching on, Arthur saw Bedivere coming out of a thicker grove, riding close to Kay. The two knights were exchanging a few words, then Kay rode on and Bedivere turned his horse around, leading it in Arthur’s direction. Again, the prince wondered what was going on between those two; he knew they had been friends almost from the moment Kay had joined them in Camelot, but something seemed to have changed between them lately… Arthur sighed inwardly; he was starting to see ghosts, probably due to his own changing relationship with Merlin.

“Still nothing, Arthur.”

“Yes, I know.” The prince looked at Bedivere for a moment. “Alright, I’ll give it a bit more time, but then… I’ll send Lamorak and Gaheris back to search for him, and we will ride on.”

“Arthur, we will probably need every…”

“Don’t you think I don’t know that?” Arthur hissed. “But thanks to you and Kay I have no choice! Gawain is most certainly lying somewhere behind us, flat on his face. I just hope he hadn’t been thrown off his horse and is dead already, with a broken neck!”

“Arthur…”

“WHAT?”

Bedivere glanced at him, then shook his head. “Nothing, Sire. I will just… search on.”

“You do that.”

The minute Bedivere had vanished between the trees, Arthur let his head fall forward. _Great. Antagonize everyone, why don’t you?_ But right now, he couldn’t help it. He was close, _so close_ to finally losing it completely, and this time, Merlin wasn’t there to help him keep a clear head.

Urging his horse forward, Arthur slowly rode to the next grove while holding the torch above his head, his thoughts still with Merlin. He was feeling awful because he had to leave the other man alone. During the last minutes they had spent together, before Arthur had had to go, Merlin had looked… far too fragile, as if made out of glass. The prince had to fight the superstitious feeling that he would never see his manservant again. Something wasn’t right, Arthur _knew_ it. First, he had been scared that Merlin would try and follow them, but this wasn’t possible; he was in an awful state and anyway, Gaius would sit on top of him if Merlin did something stupid. But now, Arthur feared there was something more sinister going on. When he thought back at the way Merlin had behaved this day… well, it was understandable that the warlock wasn’t his usual self. But… the prince already knew that Merlin had lied to him. The problem was that he was also sure that Merlin had continued to lie, even down in Gaius’ laboratory.

Arthur swallowed. Oh, he had believed Merlin saying he meant no evil and he wouldn’t harm Arthur… the question remained if Merlin would harm someone else, himself for example. Arthur prayed to the Gods that everything would go smoothly tonight, that his plan would work, hell, that his father and Badyn would actually be doing what Arthur thought they were doing. Because if something went wrong, then, no matter what Merlin had promised, Arthur doubted Henry would manage to get Merlin out of the castle, at least not alive.

When Arthur felt his horse almost rearing up, he noticed how tightly he had drawn the reins. While he leaned forward to pet its neck, Arthur suddenly saw another horse coming forward from behind a tree… Gawain’s black stallion. Relieved, he led his horse over to the other man, only to recoil inwardly when he saw the state the young knight was in. Pale, bent over in obvious pain, Gawain looked almost unable to keep sitting on his horse.

Enough was enough. Arthur grabbed the other’s reins. “Dammit, Gawain! You look awful! You will ride back to the castle immediately… Lamorak will accompany you. You should have stayed in bed and not…”

“Oh no, I won’t!” Gawain sat up in the saddle and then winced, which made Arthur cringe in sympathy.

“Gawain… please. Don’t let me make this an order.”

“Sorry, _Sire_. But tonight…” Gawain hissed, “… you can’t order me to do a thing! So don’t even try. Sire.”

And that was the final straw… Arthur lost it.

*~*~*~*~*

Kay was waving with his torch toward Bedivere when he heard the first yells, which made him promptly drop the torch. Swerving his horse around wildly, he pushed it forward and saw Bedivere doing the same across the clearing. _Dammit! We should have stuck together!_ Scared to death, sword drawn, he raced toward Arthur’s voice which was so loud it almost seemed to crack.

Bedivere and he burst out of the underwood at the same time, and then it was all Kay could do to stay on the back of his mare as it banged into Arthur’s and Gawain’s stallions. The situation didn’t improve when the rest of them arrived; there were shying horses and swearing men everywhere, and even Arthur had to shut up to keep control of his own horse.

After a few moments, things calmed down again… the horses were still snorting, but at least they had stopped bucking. Kay, keeping a tight rein on his shivering horse, looked over to the prince; even in the flickering light of the torches he could see how furious Arthur was. Without surprise, Kay noticed that Gawain wasn’t even a bit intimidated; his expression was a perfect match to Arthur’s.

“Let the fun begin,” Kay murmured.

He saw Arthur opening his mouth but then, suddenly, the prince closed it again, let his head fall back on his neck and took a deep breath. Kay was astonished when Arthur dismounted and quietly asked Gawain to do the same.

The knight shook his head. “I told you, Arthur, I won’t go back!”

“I didn’t say… Gawain, I just want to talk to you for a moment, in peace.”

Kay cringed when Gawain started to dismount… it hurt to see how slowly the young man was moving. Arthur had been right… hell, Caelly had been right, Gawain was in no shape to be anywhere beside in a bed. Watching Prince and Knight going near a big oak to talk about whatever, Kay clenched his teeth again. If something should happen to Gawain tonight, it would be his fault, his fault alone.

“What do you think they’re talking about?”

Kay turned so quickly toward Bedivere that his horse almost reared up again. “How the hell should I know?”

“Whoa, Kay! Great mood you’re in!”

“What? You’re in a good mood? May I ask why?”

Bedivere sighed. “I’m in a dreadful mood… but you still don’t see me spit at you.”

Still watching the two men under the tree –Gawain was gesturing somewhat wildly now- Kay answered, “Then don’t ask stupid questions.”

“Hey!” Kay felt a slap on his arm and looked over again to Bedivere, who was now dangerously close… and obviously livid. “Stop that shit with me! You could just answer that _stupid_ question!”

“Bedivere, I don’t know! I know nothing! My mood would be far better if I knew anything! But I don’t! So let me be!”

“Gods!” With that, Bedivere led his horse over to Percival, which was a very good idea as far Kay was concerned. When he looked back at Arthur and Gawain, he saw both men already back at their horses. Arthur helped the young knight mount his black beast, then the prince turned around to look at the rest of the knights. Face strangely flushed, the prince stated, “Alright. Gawain found the hut, we’re not far away now. Let’s kill the lights and… try to be more quiet. Come on.”

 _Gawain found the hut?_ Kay thought, aghast. _Of course, he just couldn’t have stayed where he said he would stay._ He rode forward slowly, and before the last torch went out, Kay saw Gawain’s face clearly for a minute. He wondered why the man looked so immensely relieved.

*~*~*~*~*

“Silent, now,” Arthur whispered.

They all had been lucky; no one inside the hut seemed to have heard them yet. And considering the uproar that happened not all so far away, that was nothing short of a miracle.

Arthur watched the tiny wooden hut and its surroundings closely; he could see four horses bound to a tree, and through one of the tiny windows shone a flickering light, probably from candles and a few more torches. As soon as he was absolutely sure that none of Badyn’s knights were standing guard, he turned around to Kay, shaking his head. “They’re very sure of themselves, apparently.”

“So much the better.”

“Yeah.” For a moment, Arthur looked at the knights gathered around him, with Gawain standing a bit further behind, then he took a deep breath. “Alright, we will draw them out. If Badyn has a bit of a brain inside his head, he will send out his knights first. Kay, Bedivere… take them out as quickly as possible. I don’t want his minions running around and getting underfoot.”

“I don’t need Bedivere,” Kay grunted, brandishing his sword.

Arthur sighed. “Oh, I know. But please, Sir Kay… do me the favor?”

Kay looked at him and Arthur could see an awful grin on his face; Kay was obviously just as bloodthirsty as Arthur himself. “If you insist.”

“I do. Hey!” Arthur grabbed Kay’s arm when the blond knight tried to storm forward. “Not yet,” the prince hissed. “Can we maybe first talk about what we’ll do when Badyn and my father appear on the threshold?”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Never mind.” Arthur turned around fully to face the rest of his knights. “Okay, guys, this will happen very quickly. We’ll go all over there… as already mentioned; Bedivere and Kay will take care of the bastard’s men. Badyn… Badyn is mine.” He saw Gawain opening his mouth and shook his head. “You’ll get your pound of flesh, Gawain, I promise you. But right now, you will stay back; you’re in no shape to fight with anyone, understood?” Gawain nodded, clearly unhappy. Arthur looked back at the others. “You will all stay away from Badyn, don’t forget he has the means to work magic. Look out for each other. If one of you sees another one acting strangely, knock them out.” After all of them agreed, he continued. “Percival. I want you to lead the rest to go after my father. The moment you get a glimpse of him, I want you to push him back into the cabin. He and Badyn have to get separated as quickly as possible. I know this will be difficult for a few of you. Not only will he try to fight you with all his might, he will also order you around. I am very sure he is under a spell and therefore not fit to actually _give_ orders… but… I could be wrong. I think I’m able to get us all out of this without the King being able to do a thing against anyone of you… but again, nothing is sure. So please, if anyone of you has a problem with subdueing my father, tell me now. I will understand.”

No one said a word. The silence lasted for a while, then Arthur heard Kay tapping impatiently on the hilt of his sword. The prince smiled. “Alright… that’s it. Let’s go… and please, I want all of you to survive this night.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Kay, dammit! Quit playing around!”

Kay felt the grin on his face becoming even broader when he heard Bedivere’s yell. The last minutes had been fun, finally at last some fun. And it was Bedivere’s own fault his fun was already over; Arthur may have told them to take the bastard’s knights out quickly, but there was quickly and there was too fast. Though he had to admit… it had been –again- fun to see the look on Badyn’s face when the first of the knights he had sent out came immediately flying back toward him… missing his head. It was one of Bedivere’s more admirable talents… his sword arm was so strong he could behead a man with one stroke. But as impressive as it was, it wasn’t really Kay’s preferred fighting style.

He easily averted the next blow coming from the frightened man before him; the _knight_ , whatever his name was, wasn’t exactly fighting anymore. It seemed he wanted to find a way to escape, just like the rat he was. Kay swung his sword again, carefully to not hurt the other man’s sword arm. Fun would be over the moment the guy had no means to defend himself anymore. Instead of the arm, Kay’s sword sliced upward through the pants, clearly going for the groin area. His opponent squealed like a pig, almost loud enough to drown out the uproar somewhere behind Kay; there was a very unhappy king screaming at Percival and Arthur. As far as Kay could tell, Badyn hadn’t come out of the hut yet… he was actually hiding behind Uther.

“KAY! We could use some help here!”

 _Ah well. Fun’s over._ With one smooth motion, Kay shoved the other’s sword away and then slit his throat, not too deeply though. The bastard should have some time thinking about his life while he slowly bled to death. Turning away from the dying man on the ground, Kay made two steps toward the others, then froze. Galahad and Lamorak were both on the ground, too, motionless. “What the hell?” Kay yelled loudly enough for Bedivere to hear him, while he watched, a bit stunned, the way Uther was fighting Percival, Gaheris and Arthur at the same time; it actually looked like he was winning. When Uther turned slightly to block Percival, Kay got a look at his face… Uther’s eyes were red as blood. Well, at least now it was sure the King was under a spell, the Gods be damned.

“We had to knock them out,” Bedivere yelled back. “This bastard in there has another magic thing… looks like a whip or something! The moment it touched them…” Bedivere was interrupted when Percival staggered back right into his arms, almost going down. The knight had a ghastly gash right across his forehead, obviously made by Uther’s dagger.

Before Kay could move, he saw Arthur rushing toward his father. As so often, he was for a moment breathless by the sheer beauty of the prince when Arthur _really_ started to fight. He knew that Bedivere and he were good knights, maybe the best in Camelot. But they were nothing compared to Arthur, nothing. The prince had thrown his sword to the side, and literally ripped Uther backward, away from the hopelessly inferior Gaheris, and managed to wrestle the King to the ground. In the next moment, both Bedivere and Arthur were sitting on top of Uther’s back, holding him down.

And then, by chance, Kay saw out of the corner of his eyes something moving toward the men on the ground, coming out of the hut and looking like an extremely thin red snake. Without thinking, Kay jumped forward, sword raised, ready to protect Arthur’s and Bedivere’s backs. When his sword touched the _thing_ , it was immediately drawn back inside the hut… and although Kay was _really afraid_ of anything that had to do with magic, he nevertheless had to prevent a new attack on the others, who were still trying to get a good grip on the King, sadly in front of the open door.

***

When Kay entered the hut, he was almost blinded by the torches; he had gotten too used to the moonlight outside. Instinctively, he let himself fall to his knees for a moment, and that move probably saved him from whatever had happened to Lamorak and Galahad; Kay felt something hot and cold at the same time whipping through the air, only a hand’s breadth above his head. Rolling forward and blinking away the tears, Kay managed to get under the table before that _thing_ came back for him. From there, he got his first good look at Badyn, at his legs, at least. The bastard drew back his toy, and Kay noticed that Bedivere had been right; it looked indeed like a whip, but it also seemed to be _alive_. It _snaked_ around Badyn’s calves for a moment… and then it _leapt_ forward, as if it could see where Kay was hiding. The knight backed off rapidly, banging his head hard against a wooden chair but still getting out from under the table without the thing touching him.

When the blood-red whip came back again at him, Kay was ready for it. Swinging his sword in a counter movement, he saw the thing wrapping itself around it. For a second, Kay looked straight at Badyn –and wow, the prince looked… awful, drained… he had lost his good looks completely- then Kay jerked his sword back, ripping the magical whip right out of Badyn’s hand. He then had to suppress an outcry of pain; the hilt of his sword had become suddenly red-hot and even through his heavy gauntlet he could feel the palm of his hand blistering. Kay threw the sword in the corner behind him and turned around again to face Badyn, only to see the other man going for his sword.

“Oh no, you won’t!”

Before Badyn could even completely draw his sword, Kay was over him, grabbing the blond curls on the back of the bastard’s head with one hand, his wrists with the other and then he smashed said head onto the table. Satisfied, Kay heard the crunching sound of a nose breaking; he lifted the other’s head again.

“Enough?” Although blood was streaming down over his face, the prince still struggled against Kay, trying to get away. “Good! I don’t mind!” Bang. Badyn’s face met the table top again.

“Kay! Don’t kill him!”

“I won’t, Arthur. I’ll just wake him up a bit.” Kay looked down at the still struggling prince, and then his glance fell on the parchments strewn all over the table. On the right, beside Badyn’s bleeding nose, he suddenly glimpsed his own name on one of them. Leaning forward a bit to get a better look, he pressed, purely by accident, the prince’s face a bit more strongly onto the table, which drew a definite groan of despair from the other man. “Now, now,” Kay said absently, reading the parchment quickly. _Wow_ , he thought. _Arthur had been wrong. The bastard doesn’t want to send us away…he wants to…_ All of a sudden, Kay remembered the quiet talk Arthur had with Gawain before, and the way Gawain had looked both exhausted and relieved at the same time afterwards. Alright, maybe Arthur knew what he was doing, after all.

“Arthur? How are things with your father?”

“We’re tying him up now. Everything alright in there?”

“Things are great. There are interesting scripts in here, Arthur. It seems like your father is planning to make quite a few announcements tomorrow.”

“I just bet he does.” Arthur continued speaking, but his voice was drowned out by Uther’s roaring. A minute later, Bedivere appeared on the threshold, looking concerned.

“You’re okay?”

“Please. Of course I am,” Kay answered. “Watch out. That whip-thing is lying in the corner right behind you, and it still looks alive.”

Bedivere turned about, and then backed off slowly, an uncomfortable expression on his face.

Kay huffed just because, but inwardly he thought, _We’re all weirded out by magic. But I would make a bet that we have to get used to it soon._

“What the hell…?” Looking up, Kay saw the other knight staring down at the parchments.

“Yeah, great, aren’t they? One of them has my name on it.”

“This one’s about Arthur.”

“Won’t be the only one.”

Bedivere looked quickly through the papers. “I don’t see one with my name.”

“Maybe you’re not that important?”

“Funny. No… here it is!”

“Now you don’t have to feel left out. By the way, could you come over here and help me with the bastard?”

“No one has to help you with him,” Arthur said, standing in the door. “Get him out here.”

“With pleasure.” Kay drew Badyn up and dragged him around the table. There he shoved him forward a bit, only to kick him right in the arse, sending him flying out of the door into the dirt before Arthur’s boots.

“Kay, please come out here with torches. You, too, Bedivere, after you’ve gathered those parchments. Keep them close for now.”

Percival and Gaheris carried a clearly infuriated king into the hut. Kay lit some torches and watched with awe the expression on Arthur’s face, while the two princes stared at each other. Only Arthur didn’t look like a prince anymore… he looked like a king.

*~*~*~*~*

The torches that had been stuck into the ground cast an eerie light over the small clearing beside the hut. Arthur surrounded the other prince slowly, holding his sword in both hands. He wondered if it was the flickering light, the damage Kay had done to Badyn’s face or something else, but the other man looked… actually not like a man anymore, more like a rabid animal. Badyn’s eyes, while not red like Uther’s, were unnaturally wide and dark, there was spittle on his lips and he was constantly murmuring something in a language Arthur didn’t understand. He also seemed to be darker than the night itself, as if even the firelight didn’t want to touch him.

Arthur wasn’t sure –and Merlin wasn’t there to ask - but he had the feeling that it wasn’t healthy for any person to use magic without actually _having_ magic. But no matter how ill and crazy Badyn looked, Arthur knew he still was extremely dangerous. Watching the other prince, he tried to get a feeling for his opponent’s fighting skills. Badyn changed his sword hand constantly, and although Arthur was aware of the missing fingers on Badyn’s left hand, he couldn’t be sure which hand Badyn preferred.

All of a sudden, Badyn stood still. He cocked his head to one side jerkily –a movement that had all the fine hairs on Arthur’s body stand up on end- and smiled, the most goddamn awful smile Arthur had ever seen. “You sure you want to die because of that little whore?” Arthur heard Kay hissing something from the left; he himself didn’t react. Outwardly. On the inside, the blazing fury he had felt since he had found Merlin in the armoire the night before, flared up again. He knew of course what it was the other man wanted, but Arthur was far too experienced -and this fight was far too important- to lose his head and attack the other without thinking. “You’ve got nothing to say, Prince of Camelot?” Badyn sneered. “You know, I told your father everything about your little manservant. About who he really is… about what he is.” Badyn was now talking loudly enough so everyone, probably even Percival and Gaheris inside the hut, could easily overhear him. “About the fact that he has had you under a spell for months now.” Right on cue, Uther started to roar profanities again, only slightly muted by the wooden walls of the hut; Arthur really wished Percival would gag his father.

Laughing quietly, Arthur answered, “You’re one to talk about others being put under spells. Tell me… who is it I’m talking to now? Badyn, Prince of Aesctir? Or maybe Morgause, Bitch of Hell?” As he had guessed and hoped for, Badyn snapped immediately. Teeth bared and looking like a rabid dog more than ever, the other prince brought the fight to Arthur. Blocking this first attack easily, Arthur soon noticed that Badyn was very right-handed after all. _As Kay said before_ , Arthur thought. _So much the better._

The clanging of their swords was the only thing to be heard in the still night. Arthur calmed down more and more… this was what he had been waiting for, and this was what he was good at. There was no doubt who was the better swordsman but Arthur didn’t want the fight to end too fast; he enjoyed every cut and gash that appeared on the parts of Badyn’s body that were not protected by armor.

Nothing serious so far, but the constant blood loss had the other man wheezing already. Badyn himself hadn’t landed any blow on Arthur yet… and still, Arthur had to concentrate totally on the fight. Badyn might be weakened but he was quick, almost as quick as Arthur himself, and _he_ didn’t only want to wound Arthur, he wanted to kill him as fast as possible.

Finally, Badyn left his left side wide open, stunned by a powerful strike of Arthur’s sword, and Arthur immediately chased after him, trying to fell him… but again Badyn got away, out of Arthur’s range, almost falling over his own feet while backing off. Arthur could smell the fear coming from the other man… and then he saw Badyn’s left hand leaving the hilt of his sword.

Just as he had known, and as Merlin had warned him, all of a sudden the other prince, fast as lightning, got a blue shimmering stone out of one of his pockets. Before he could even raise the hand, let alone say _anything_ , Arthur rushed forward and then his sword came down. Badyn’s left hand, with three fingers and the crystal in it, fell to the ground. Out of the remaining limb shot a bloodstream, hitting Arthur in the face.

Arthur stumbled back for a minute, swiping the blood away. The next moment, he was on Badyn again, shoving him back until he went down. By now, the other man was screaming… out of pain or shock, Arthur didn’t know nor care. With the heel of his boot he buried the crystal deeply into the soft forest earth. Then Arthur kicked hard into Badyn’s waist and made the man turn around. As soon as Badyn was lying on his stomach, Arthur set his right boot heavily between the other prince’s shoulder blades.

“I need another rope! Kay!”

The moment Kay brought it, Arthur bend down and stanched the wounded arm rapidly. Another kick sent Badyn on his back again; Arthur straightened up slowly.

“If you think you will die quickly, you can think again. Stand up, _Prince Badyn_ , and show me you can do more than torture people you have to tie up. Come on, I’ve been waiting for this, don’t disappoint me now!”

Badyn stared up at him out of completely black eyes. Arthur could only imagine how he must look to the other man, drenched in blood which no doubt could be seen, even in the light of the torches. Shaking his head desperately, Badyn let go of the sword in his right hand, clearly showing surrender. Arthur smiled, brandishing his sword slowly.

“You think I will spare you, because you writhe on the ground like the worm you are? You will die tonight, Badyn. How, that’s your decision. You can stand up and at least try to fight like a man… or you stay where you are.”

Badyn shook his head again and tried to scramble away from him. Arthur swung his sword. “I thought as much. Now it’s my time to decide… where should I start? Here?” Arthur’s sword slit through Badyn’s pants and the skin beneath, leaving another bleeding cut behind. “Or there? Or… your face?”

“Leave something for me, Arthur,” a hoarse voice behind him said. Arthur turned around to Gawain, and had already his mouth opened to invite the knight, when he saw Gawain’s eyes widen.

“WATCH OUT, ARTHUR!”

Spinning around, Arthur saw at once it was already too late. Badyn’s sword was coming at him from below, pointed straight at his heart, with such swiftness and force, Arthur couldn’t dodge it. It was a killing blow.

Time seemed to slow down. _Stupid. How could I’ve been so stupid? Ah, Merlin… I’m so sorry…_ Arthur saw Kay staring at him, horror in his eyes; he saw Badyn’s face, gleaming in triumph. Then the other man’s sword hit his chain mail.

***

Arthur felt nothing; he knew it wasn’t unusual; the worst wounds didn’t hurt right away. Still trapped in that weird slow moving way, he started to look down, expecting to see the sword buried in his chest. Before he could finish lowering his head, time took up speed again; in fact, it seemed to move now far more quickly than before. There was a blinding golden flash… and then Badyn was screaming in agony. His sword flew through the air, shining red like it was melting, and landed somewhere far away in the grass, sizzling loudly. Badyn was also thrown back several feet, still wailing. And Arthur’s chest, no, his chain mail, his whole armor, was glinting as if made out of pure gold.

Arthur blinked a few times, not entirely sure if he was waiting for the light to fade away or for himself to drop down dead. The gold molten over his armor did indeed vanish slowly while Arthur watched on… but with that came a sudden image of Merlin, smiling sadly at him. So instead of being glad to still be alive, Arthur felt an icy fist of dread clutching his heart. _What have you done? And what has it cost you?_

“Arthur?”

The prince spun around, coming face to face with a startled Bedivere. “What?”

“Uh… maybe you should… I mean…” Bedivere’s voice trailed off and he pointed to the right, toward Badyn. When Arthur looked in that direction, he noticed for the first time the unearthly sounds still coming from the defeated prince. While whatever magic Merlin had worked on Arthur’s armor had worn off, there were still lots of… _things_ going on with Badyn. He writhed and arched on the ground, trying to shake off something Arthur couldn’t see, groaning and moaning full of pain, obviously not able to scream anymore. And while Arthur didn’t feel even a bit of sympathy, it was still… gruesome.

Kay strolled over to Badyn, apparently to get a better look, although Arthur saw the blond knight staying way out of reach for _anything_ that might jump at someone who got too close. “I’d say, let him be for awhile. He looks like he’s enjoying himself.”

“Gods, Kay, come away from… that!” Bedivere shouted.

“Mother Hen.”

Arthur shook his head. “I’ll finish this now.” Before he could make one step, Gawain grabbed his arm.

“Let me?”

Nodding, Arthur answered, “What do you say… we do it together?”

“Yes.”

***

“Maybe we should wait until… it calms down a bit more.”

“Arthur, I really don’t think that anything that’s attacking this bastard will hurt one of us.”

Arthur stared at Badyn’s still bucking body. It was an absolute eerie sight, maybe because he couldn’t see _what_ was tormenting the other prince… and Arthur was sure that nothing either he or any other person could do to Badyn would come even close to whatever Merlin’s magic did to him.

When Gawain beside him drew his sword and went forward, Arthur followed slowly. He carefully watched the young knight… and the lack of any expression on Gawain’s face was just as creepy as the writhing body at their feet. It certainly made what happened next so shocking that Arthur backed off rapidly for a moment. Without losing that _non-expression_ , Gawain raised his sword and rammed it through Badyn’s groin, effectively pinning his body to the ground. Even Kay, standing somewhere behind Arthur, had obviously seen enough… Arthur could hear him retreating quickly. While he watched Gawain staring down at Badyn, Arthur bit his lips hard enough to taste blood… as it turned out, Badyn could still scream after all. The Prince of Aesctir sat up and tried to pull the sword out, with one hand and the stump on the left side; he only managed to slice open his remaining hand, Gawain had his sword buried far too deeply.

Arthur ripped his gaze away from the bloody carnage at his feet and looked at Gawain again… he waited for a sign from him to end this for once and all. Finally, Gawain seemed to have worked through whatever he needed to… he looked up at Arthur calmly, and nodded. “Go ahead, Sire.”

Arthur swung his sword a final time, then Badyn’s head rolled away on the ground. Surprisingly enough, Arthur felt nothing. He hunkered down and got the necklace with the key on it, and stuck it into a pocket beneath his chain mail. From the hut and from the ground where he had buried the crystal, came sizzling sounds… and then Arthur heard the dazed voice of Lamorak. “What’s going on?”

Taking a deep breath, Arthur grabbed Badyn’s head and stood up; sadly, this night wasn’t over yet. “Bedivere, go over and untie Lamorak and Galahad, and then we’ll all meet inside the hut. Kay… gather the bodies of those bastards, get them on their horses.”

While Arthur was carrying the bloody mess in his hands to his horse, stuffing it in one of the linen bags, he heard Kay yelling behind him. “Dammit, Bedivere! Where the hell is that guy’s head you’d chopped off? It rolled somewhere and now I can’t find it!”

***

Throwing his gloves on the wooden floor, Arthur wiped his right hand over his face to get the sweat off. Completely disgusted, he saw the hand coming away bloody… of course. He had forgotten the bloodstream that had hit his face after he had sliced through Badyn’s wrist. For a moment, he stared at his hand, not sure what to do. Then Bedivere appeared beside him, shoving a towel into his hand.

“Here, take this for now, Sire.”

“Thank you.” While Arthur cleaned his face and hand, he noticed how quiet it was. A king, a prince and seven knights in one small hut, and the room was still absolutely silent. He finally looked up at the strange tableau in front of him. His father was sitting at the table, still tied up and pale like death, behind him, Arthur’s knights –and now they were truly _his_ knights- were standing in a half circle. “Bedivere?” His oldest knight came forward, handing the parchments over. Arthur could see his father twitching, but Uther didn’t say a word.

After Arthur had skimmed through them, he felt an ugly smile forming on his lips. _Interesting._

“Arthur…”

The prince raised his hand. “Now, Father, what you’ve written here is quite unfortunate for Camelot, some of my knights… and for me, I’m afraid.”

“You know as well as I do, I wasn’t in my right mind!”

“No need to raise your voice, Father.” Arthur looked at Uther again, his smile becoming broader. “I do remember… you were under a spell, weren’t you?”

Uther, now red in the face, tried to stand up and suddenly stopped, when he saw Arthur raising his hand again and Bedivere stepping forward again quickly.

“Please take your seat again, Father. Thank you. Are you sure you’re not under a spell anymore?”

“Of course I’m not! So untie me!”

Arthur nodded toward Bedivere, who, not looking too happy, cut the ropes with his knife. “Good. Very good. Because these papers, in which you are sentencing me, your court physician and my manservant to death and…” Arthur took another look, “…pass the prince’s crown after my death to Badyn… well, they are most unfortunate for you, too. I think it’s best that I keep them to myself for the time being. We wouldn’t want anyone else to see them, would we? And you, Father, will now write another enunciation … which you will announce tomorrow to the royal court. Kay, please hand my father quill and ink.”

Kay brought it, then the knight turned slightly and stared at Uther. He looked like he would prefer to make Arthur King right here and now. Only as Uther became pale again did Kay step back and take his place beside Bedivere. Arthur smiled again, a real smile this time. It was unbelievable… but Kay had just managed to stare even a king into the ground.

“What do you think I should write?”

Arthur sat down and laid his folded hands on the table. “You will write that from now on, I’m in authority of everything that has to do with magic in Camelot, Father. Meaning, I’m the prosecutor, the judge and the executioner.”

“I won’t write anything like this!” Again, Uther tried to rise and a knight stepped forward quickly. It was again Kay, but this time, his hand was on the hilt of his sword.

“How dare you,” Uther hissed at the blond knight, but still sat down.

“I don’t think Kay trusts you, Father. Neither do I. You’re under spells a bit too often, you see magic where there is none, and lose sight of it when it’s obvious.”

Uther leaned back in his chair, sneering. “You mean like yourself… having a manservant for two years and not noticing he’s a _warlock_ … you think that’s trustworthy?”

Arthur couldn’t stop smiling; inwardly, he felt completely calm. As it turned out, he knew his father inside out… and his father didn’t know his son at all. “Well, Father, from tomorrow on you won’t have to concern yourself about whether that’s true or not. And anyway… who told you this? Oh, I forgot… I think it was the man who put _you_ under a spell. I see.”

Uther leaned forward again, quickly. “I have _proof_ , Arthur! I’ve seen…”

“What? A few knocked out guards? I’ve heard about this. That’s what you call proof of magic?”

“Why should Badyn have done something like this? There was no need to…”

Now Arthur leaped forward, suddenly furious. “Because he wanted to make sure he could lie his way out of the fact he had raped and tortured Merlin for days! He knew you wouldn’t even _care_ about something like this happening to a sorcerer! That is why!” Arthur spat.

Uther stared at him for a moment, then he sat back again, crossing his arms. “I won’t write this nonsense. You have no idea how to handle magic… you were always too soft. I won’t write it, Son. And if we leave now, immediately, I will forget the disobedience you and… your knights have shown me here. I may even consider to let your… _manservant_ , for whom you seem to care so deeply, leave Camelot.”

Arthur couldn’t help it, he started to laugh. _It’s funny and sad at the same time. He tries to **bargain** with me. He is going down right in front of me._ Behind his father, Arthur could see the knights looking at each other. _They can feel it, too. Oh, Father._

“If you won’t write this down, Father, and put your seal on it, it would be –again- most unfortunate for you.”

“Why? What do you want to do, Arthur? Kill me?”

“No. No, as you said, I’m too… soft for things like that.” Arthur shook his head. “No, I’m afraid you would have to stay here for awhile… a few weeks, maybe even a bit longer. I would make sure someone would take good care of you, though, don’t worry. For as long as it would take to raise an army and overtake Cendred… Father, do tell me…do you want to see me as King on the throne of Aesctir?”

Uther, white as a sheet, stared at him. “The army of Camelot won’t follow you. Never! You’re far too young… they will gather around Gaelin!”

“Mhm. You’re probably right. Not all of them will follow me… although I’m sure more than you think will. Maybe only pretending to follow me, I give you that, and in truth follow Bedivere and Kay. The soldiers almost worship them, Father. And the guards fear them. But I know that you’re not aware of these things anymore.”

“A few won’t…”

“I forgot to tell you. Merlin wasn’t the only one tortured by Badyn.” Arthur looked up at Gawain to see if the young man still agreed with this and saw him nodding. “You see, he has also assaulted Gawain. What do you think will happen when me and my knights ride to King Lot’s realm and tell him about what had come to pass here? And when I show him this?” Arthur held up the one parchment, written and sealed by his father that would have made Badyn the new Crown Prince of Camelot.

“How do you think King Lot will react to this? Do you think he and his army would help me and ride with me to Aesctir and destroy Cendred’s family? You know, I think he will. King Lot may be an ally of yours, Father, but he is most certainly _not your pal_. Neither is Henry’s father. You managed to alienate quite a few of your allies in the last years… and you have completely forgotten that a few of the knights standing behind you are not only -by your orders- noble men… some of them are also the sons of kings.” He glanced at Kay. “King Ector.” Bedivere. “King Gandrad.” Lamorak. “King Pellinore. With these papers, you sentenced their sons to death.”

“When I wrote this, I was under a spell! I…”

“Father, what would you do if one of them would want to kill me or actually would have killed me… and then told you that they couldn’t have helped it, because they were under the influence of magic?”

Uther didn’t answer.

Arthur smiled again. “Think about it, and think fast. I want to take a bath to wash the remains of that bastard out there off me.”

Uther stared for another moment at Arthur, then at the table. Finally, he took an empty piece of parchment and started to write, his hands trembling.

*~*~*~*

The gruesome parade bound for Camelot was led by Uther, closely followed by Sir Lamorak. The lanky knight grimaced with disgust, pulling behind him the reins of the three horses with the bodies on them. Galahad and Gaheris were riding in silence a few paces behind Lamorak. After a distance of about ten yards, Arthur, Gawain and Percival followed the others; Gawain in the middle, Arthur and Percival were riding so close to the young knight their legs touched his.

Bedivere and Kay brought up the rear. Kay could see –and how he wished he couldn’t- the bloody linen bag on the left side of Arthur’s saddle, with Badyn’s head in it. The knight didn’t need to be a genius to know whom Arthur would want to show that head. Kay really doubted that Merlin would like to see it. But if the boy… no, the man wanted to stay beside Arthur –and _this_ Kay didn’t doubt for a moment- he would have to get used to this side of the prince.

Kay sighed and rode on. After a few more silent minutes, he turned to Bedivere.

“You know, if we were a pack of wolves, Uther would be dead by now.”

Bedivere remained silent for so long that Kay started to wonder if he hadn’t been heard or if he had overstepped a line. But finally, the older knight answered.

“In a way, Uther _did_ die tonight. He knows it, and Arthur knows it, too. After tonight, things will change in Camelot.”

*~*~*~*

When they got close to the castle, Arthur urged his horse forward until he caught up with his father. An icy glare met him, and Arthur was sure his own eyes were just as cold. “Do yourself a favor, Father… don’t ever forget about the papers I’m in possession of. Don’t make the mistake to think I won’t use them… because I will if something happens to those close to me.”

“You made yourself quite clear… Son.”

“Good.”

They rode into the inner courtyard and were greeted by Sir Gaelin, who rushed to the side of Uther, helping him down from his horse. “My Lord! We were so worried! What happened?”

Uther grunted something and Arthur, still sitting on his horse, rode a bit closer to the older men. “My father was abducted by Prince Badyn,” he pointed to the horses behind with the bodies on them. “If I were you, Gaelin, I’d be a bit more observant in the future… as it is, for tonight at least, two of my knights will stand guard in front of the King’s chambers. We don’t know yet if there are any more traitors here in the castle, and my father will need some undisturbed sleep. Won’t you, Father?” Arthur asked.

Uther looked up at him for a minute, then he nodded. “Yes, I need to rest. You always take good care of me, Son.”

“And I always will, Father. Lamorak, Galahad, would you please accompany the King?”

The moment his father had vanished inside the castle, Arthur dismounted, as did the rest of his knights. Arthur threw his reins at the next guard and took the linen bag with Badyn’s head in it. “Bring the horses to the stables and take the bodies to a cold place, under the castle perhaps. The King will decide what to do with them tomorrow.” Then Arthur took off in the direction of Gaius’ rooms; he had hidden his anxiety as well as he had been able to, but now, with his father taken care of, it started to gnaw on him again. He barely noticed the other knights, who were close on his heels, and burst through the door to the laboratory, looking around for Merlin.

The first one he saw was Sir Henry with a drawn sword; the knight sheathed it quickly again, a look of relief on his face. “Gods, Sire, I’m so glad that…” Arthur couldn’t hear the rest of the sentence, because Lady Caelly’s outcry of joy almost deafened him. The beautiful young noblewoman rushed past him, clinging to Gawain, sobbing and laughing at the same time.

Arthur looked around once more, noticing the bed where he had left Merlin was empty. He walked across the laboratory, ignoring Gaius who was already ranting about Percival’s head wound, also ignoring the mess on the floor –everywhere were broken bottles and stuff-… Merlin _had to be_ in his room. He had to… but he wasn’t.

Arthur turned about again, and this time, he grabbed Gaius’ arm. “Where the hell is Merlin?”

The old man glared at him, and for a second Arthur thought he wouldn’t answer. “He’s gone upstairs to your chambers. He said he wanted to prepare a bath for you… Sire.”

“He… _WHAT? And you let him go?_ ”

“Yes. And now…” Gaius shook off Arthur’s hand, “… please excuse me, Sire. I have to patch up Sir Percival.”

At first, Arthur was immensely relieved… he didn’t want to admit it, not even to himself, but since he had kind of _seen_ Merlin’s face when the man’s magic had saved him from death, he had been afraid to come here and find Merlin dead. But the feeling of relief didn’t last long… suddenly Arthur became furious. “ _Sir Henry, a word if you may!_ ”

Henry already stood at the door, a strange expression on his face. “Of course, Sire.”

***

“Would you please explain to me why you let Merlin leave here? I told you to watch over him… and to not let him out of your sight, _not even for a minute!_ ”

“Sire…” Henry paused, looking extremely uncomfortable, and averted his eyes.

“ _WHAT?_ ”

“While you were gone, a few things happened down here. Uh… a few hours after you had left, Merlin fell asleep suddenly. Or so we thought. I remember… I was surprised. We all were so nervous and… well. But soon afterwards, he started to thrash around and he was making awful noises. We all thought he was having nightmares… Gaius tried to wake him… but he couldn’t. No matter what we tried, we couldn’t wake him up. And then…” Henry paused again for a moment, “… Arthur, I swear to the Gods, I’m not making this up. The whole castle… it shook… I don’t know how to explain it. Everything was moving, it was so loud… almost every bottle Gaius had in there fell to the floor and crashed… and then, just as sudden… it stopped. And Merlin woke up.”

“Then what? Did he explain what happened?”

“Uh… well, after some time he stood up and came over to me… he told me that… you were safe. That everything was alright and you were all on your way back. Arthur, I’ve known sorcerers since I was a child… none of them were like Merlin but still… I knew he was right. We all believed him. So… I’m sorry, but I let him go. I’m not even sure if I could have stopped him anyway.”

Arthur rubbed over his face with one hand; he felt tired to the bone. “It’s alright, Henry. I’ll just go up there now… thank you.” He turned to leave but was hindered by the knight, who took his arm. “Arthur… there was something else.”

“What?”

“When Merlin woke up… he was dazed. Gaius wanted to know what happened… I was pretty close so I could overhear them. Merlin… he asked, ‘Why am I not dead?’ After that, he didn’t say a thing until he came to me. Arthur… he didn’t seem to be exactly happy to find himself alive.”

*~*~*~*

Kay, standing in a little alcove in the hall, watched Arthur’s expression change from tired to furious again in one second. Then the prince spun around and _ran_ toward the stairs, not even noticing Kay although he rushed straight past him. Kay pushed off from the wall behind him and went over to Henry. “That went well.”

“I don’t know, Kay. Something weird is going on.”

“Isn’t something always?”

“No… I meant… with Merlin. He seemed to be completely changed.”

Kay sighed. “Henry, a lot happened to him over the last days… horrible stuff. So…”

“No, I don’t mean that either. Something… I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it. But I would bet that Arthur won’t get much sleep tonight.”

For the first time since he had laid eyes on Arthur, Kay noticed that –right now- he just didn’t care. “I’m sure he will figure something out. I _will_ get lots of sleep tonight.” Kay stretched and groaned when he heard his bones crack ominously. “Gods, I’m tired. And hungry. Hell, I’m hungry!”

“I could eat something, too,” a third voice chimed in. Bedivere, smiling at Kay, asked, “Should I grab something from the kitchens and come by?”

“You’d do that? It would be brilliant!”

“Sure. Just try and not fall asleep until I’m there.”

Good mood suddenly restored, Kay watched the door to Gaius’ room open again; Caelly and Gawain came out, followed by Gaheris and a bit battered looking Percival… Gaius was still ranting at him. Gawain just managed to wave at Kay before he was dragged away by the tiny woman at his side. Percival staggered in the opposite direction, supported by Gaheris.

“Ah Henry… everyone is pairing up. We’re doing something wrong.”

“I don’t think you’re doing something wrong, Kay.”

“Huh?”

Henry smiled and shook his head slowly. “You’ll find out.”

*~*~*~*

Arthur stood in front of his chambers, taking the second deep breath. He would not lose it. He had just come home, he had won their future tonight. So he would not go in there and lose it, he would not yell, just because this stupid twit inside had wanted to kill himself on Arthur’s behalf. He would not… Arthur sighed. There wasn’t any doubt that he would lose it, so he should go in there and have it out with Merlin. He stepped forward to open the door and came up against the lock. _Right. Why not lose it right out here in the hall?_

“DAMMIT, MERLIN! Open the damn door!”

Arthur heard some clattering sounds coming from inside the rooms, then the lock was opened and Arthur immediately entered, throwing the bloody bag in one corner, followed by a just as bloody armor and chain mail. Then he turned around to face Merlin. The other man stood behind the bath tub with a weird expression on his face; Arthur suspected that Merlin had wanted to greet him far more enthusiastically but thought twice after he had heard him yelling in front of the door.

“Uh… I thought you’d like to take a bath. It’s ready.”

Arthur ignored the bath and stalked around the tub toward Merlin; he only stopped when he saw the warlock retreating. He didn’t want to scare Merlin, but… _Bloody Hell!_

“I can’t believe you did this.” Even Arthur himself winced when he heard how hoarsely his voice sounded. “I can’t believe you just stood there, and let me talk about how happy I am. You smiled. You _smiled!_ You told me you would explain things when I come back. You _promised_ me! What do you think would have happened to me when I would have come back to find you dead because of me? Huh?”

Merlin didn’t answer; he just stared at Arthur out of big eyes, his lower lip trembling a bit.

Arthur continued speaking far more quietly. “I’ll tell you what would have happened. You would have given my father a splendid reason for the next search for a new heir. I would have killed myself.”

“Arthur…”

“No! You don’t seem to understand what you mean to me! I don’t know, maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I’m just too… dumb to make myself clear. You’re everything to me, Merlin. If I had found you dead tonight, nothing would have mattered anymore.”

“Stop! Stop saying things like that!” Merlin backed off even further until the back of his legs bumped into the bed; he sat down hard. “It’s my destiny to protect you… but I doubt that I… can do it again.”

Arthur went over to the crestfallen man and sat down beside him. “Good! Because I want you to promise me you will _never_ do something like this again!”

Merlin shook his head slowly. “You don’t understand. I can’t promise you. I’ll always try to save you, any way I can. But I don’t think I can help with magic again. I… I think it’s gone.” After he said this, Merlin wrapped his arms around his waist; his eyes were shut tightly and Arthur heard him swallow one sob. Then Merlin started to cry hopelessly.

Completely bemused, Arthur shoved his anger about Merlin’s self-sacrifice away and hugged the other man tightly. “What are you talking about? I have the key right here! Come on, let’s get that thing off your leg.”

Wriggling out of Arthur’s arms, Merlin slid backwards on the mattress, still crying. “No! Look at it!” He hitched up the sleeping pants, revealing the bracket. It wasn’t silver-red anymore, it had become completely black. “After I put the… spell on you… when you left… it started to change color. I didn’t know what it meant, and I didn’t care. But… when I… woke up tonight, it was black. I’m sure… it isn’t working anymore. But I still can’t do a thing. My magic is gone.”

“Merlin…”

“No! It’s gone! Do you know what that means? I’m useless for you. I’m nothing! I should…”

“Merlin, dammit!” Arthur followed the other man over the bed and finally got a hold on Merlin’s hands. “Please, calm down for a moment.”

The prince had no idea whether Merlin was right about his magic or not, but he knew he had to stop this spiral downward immediately. By now, he recognized the signs of retreat, of… something close to self-hatred in Merlin’s behaviour. Arthur had the unsettling feeling that this wasn’t something entirely related to what happened in the last days; in two years, he had often noticed that Merlin tended to try and prove himself worthy over and over again… when he was with him or with Gaius. Arthur just had to think about the disaster that had happened when he took on another servant –who turned out to be a thief but whatever- and how Merlin had reacted. From the first moment on, Merlin had been scared to be cast aside by Arthur… and while he knew some blame lay at his own feet for this, Merlin’s panic had still been way over the top. It seemed as if Merlin wasn’t able to see what had been obvious to many others… that almost from the beginning, Merlin had been closer to the prince than any other person, including his knights and his father.

“Merlin… come on, look at me. I know how frightening this must be for you… no, scratch that, I have no idea how you feel right now. But let me tell you, I don’t care if you can do magic or not. But I know it’s very important for you, maybe too important. And I do care about you. About _you_ , not about a powerful warlock or a brilliant manservant.” Seeing how badly Merlin tried to get away from him, Arthur let him go, but still continued speaking. “I can see you don’t believe a word I’m saying, do you? Why, Merlin? Who told you you have to be… something more than just yourself?”

Merlin stared at him out of haunted eyes. “I’m nothing,” he repeated. “The only thing I had was… and if it’s not there anymore then…”

“Then what? You’ll cease to exist? You’re so much more than…”

All of a sudden, Merlin looked furious. “Oh, and you would do so well without being the Prince of Camelot, wouldn’t you? How would you feel if someone just took that away from you?”

Arthur leaned back at the bed-head, pursing his lips. “Actually, that almost happened tonight. And now please, you tell me… if tonight had ended differently, if we were now all running for our lives, me living a life as an outcast… would you feel still the same way for me?” Arthur held up a forestalling hand. “No, seriously. What if you kept your magic and I would suddenly be your servant –and don’t think that couldn’t happen, I know quite a few realms were _exactly this_ would be the case- what would you do then? I really want to know.”

“It’s not the same!”

“It is absolutely the same! Gods, Merlin, you taught me to see through titles, to look at the people beneath. And now you… I don’t understand you. You think I would shove you away because you have –maybe- lost something I’m still not sure how to handle in the first place? I…” Arthur hesitated for a second, then he took the leap. “I fell in love with you long before I had even an inkling about you being a sorcerer.”

***

In the ensuing silence, Arthur’s heartbeat seemed to be very loud. Merlin just sat there, eyes wide and dark, looking almost like he was back in a state of shock. Then, slowly, he started to shake his head. “No. No. You’re not.”

“I’m not what?”

“You’re not in… what you’ve just said. No. I can’t and… maybe it would be best if I… yes. I’ll leave. I will leave tonight… so you don’t have to… no. I knew from the beginning that… leaving you might…” Arthur wondered if Merlin even realized that -since he had begun to talk about leaving- his fingers were digging into Arthur’s right forearm, probably already drawing blood.

“Merlin.” Arthur laid his left hand on Merlin’s cheek, stroking softly with his thumb over the pronounced cheekbone. “You really want to leave me?”

Breathing completely erratic, Merlin stared at him. “I… no? I… Arthur, I don’t know why…”

“Hey. Come here for a moment?” Arthur closed his arms around the other man and hugged him tightly to his chest. “Shhhh… you’re trembling all over. Calm down… shhhhhhh.”

Merlin clutched at his back as if Arthur had been the one talking about leaving. “Arthur…”

 _Gods, he sounds so… desperate. What is going on?_ Arthur pressed his lips on Merlin’s temple; quietly, he said, “Whatever it is, Merlin, we will work it out, I promise you. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but I won’t let any harm come to you, love.”

And then… it happened again. Merlin, who just had calmed down somewhat, tried to get away suddenly, tried to almost violently shake off Arthur’s arms. “Don’t! Don’t… please!”

This time, Arthur refused to let him go. “What? Merlin, please, tell me what I did!”

“Don’t say… _that!_ ”

“Don’t say wh…” Arthur broke off. “What… you don’t want me to say that I love you? But… why?”

Merlin had given up on getting away from him; he just lay in Arthur’s arms, shaking all over. If Arthur’s head hadn’t been so close to the other man’s, he wouldn’t have heard Merlin’s answer. “Because it’s never true. Not for me. Never.” Merlin started to cry in earnest.

***

When the emotional storm was abating, both men were lying on the bed, Merlin almost hidden under Arthur’s wider body. The whole time, Arthur was either combing his fingers through Merlin’s sable hair, or stroking softly over his back, or just holding him as tightly as possible when Merlin didn’t seem to be able to stop with the shaking and sobbing. Arthur’s eyes were closed and he had long ago stopped trying to hush the man in his arms; it only seemed to upset Merlin further and anyway… there was nothing to say. Merlin hadn’t told him why he felt the way he was feeling, but Arthur was sure it would come out soon enough, if he was patient. He had learned his lesson about pushing with questions the night before. But still… although Arthur didn’t know Merlin’s story yet, the silent declaration resounded in his ears… and Arthur could relate. He had never really thought about it… it had never mattered to him, but try as he might, he couldn’t think of anyone who truly had loved him… beside Merlin. And _that_ was why the others weren’t so important, as was his own state of mind. Arthur _knew_ Merlin loved him… and he really wanted Merlin to believe that he was loved by him, too, as well. It would probably take some time, but Arthur swore to himself he would make him believe it… somehow, some day.

When Merlin began to speak, Arthur actually flinched with surprise.

“There was this girl, in Ealdor. Rose.” Merlin huffed. “She had red hair… I really liked her and…” Merlin broke off, stared at him and then he wriggled out from under Arthur’s body, sitting up. When Arthur tried to take his hand, he didn’t refuse, though.

The prince blushed. “What gave me away? The grinding of my teeth?”

“You can’t be serious?” Merlin’s expression changed from desolate to wondrous. “You’re jealous? I was fourteen!”

“And that matters why? She was obviously important to you, so…”

“She wasn’t all that important!” Merlin still looked at him like he was some rare animal that just crawled out of the woods. “She was just the first… well. One day she told me she was in love with me and on the next day, _literally_ the next day, she ran away when she saw me. She was scared to death of me. For the first time… you have to know, the whole time I was a kid, I had the feeling something was off. But I only realized what it was with Rose.” Merlin paused, then glanced at Arthur again. “You’re really jealous?”

Fidgeting, Arthur searched for a way to change the topic, but then he noticed that Merlin didn’t seem to be exactly angry about him being jealous, quite the opposite in fact. “Yeah, I am,” he remarked with far more grudge in his voice than he really felt. “I mean I know you hadn’t fallen from the sky when you arrived here, but still… that doesn’t mean I’m delighted to hear about your love life before you met me.”

Merlin blinked down at him. “ _My love life?_ Are you for real? What love life?”

“Did you kiss her?”

“I… yes?”

“See?”

Obviously rendered speechless for now, Merlin stammered, “Uh…”

“Merlin, just because a stupid girl…” Wrong thing to say. Arthur could have slapped himself when he saw pain returning to Merlin’s eyes.

“No, it wasn’t because of her. She just showed me why everyone was behaving the way they did. Even my mother… she told me she loved me. But… she was always afraid, of the things I did, of me.”

“Merlin, don’t you think she was afraid _for_ you? I’ve seen you with your mother… she loves you.”

“She sent me away.”

“Because she wanted to protect you, I guess.”

“She sent me to Camelot! Do you know the first thing I saw when I arrived here? Your father, calling out a feast while below him a sorcerer was beheaded! I have to admit, I was a bit surprised to find out that magic is forbidden here! Why didn’t she send me anywhere else, where magic is allowed?”

Now Arthur was searching for words. “Well… Merlin, come on! Your mother didn’t send you here so my father could kill you! She… she sent you to Gaius! She knew he would take good care of you! After all, he knows a lot about magic. I think.”

“Yes, Gaius. The next example.” There were suddenly tears in Merlin’s eyes, and Arthur squeezed the hand in his a bit tighter. “He’s afraid of me, too.”

“Merlin…”

“No. Arthur, I can always tell. I’m not saying he hadn’t been great to me in the last two years, he had been. But sometimes… I can see it in his eyes. Sometimes he looks at me as if I am a dangerous… well.” Merlin swallowed hard. “Won’t matter now anyway. Without magic, I don’t think he will care anymore.”

“Oh Merlin, for the sake of the Gods! What… do you think he will throw you out? Bloody Hell! I would have never thought I would actually have to defend Gaius, but believe me, that old man loves you like he would a son. I should know… he almost ripped my head off twice today! Sure, he made mistakes, but we all make them… and we all will continue to make them. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.” Arthur huffed. “Gods. I will get a… well, I guess I can call him father-in-law, who wants to castrate me.”

That statement startled Merlin into snorting, and when Arthur looked up at him, he saw Merlin’s expression was torn again; there was a bit amusement, still far too much pain… but Arthur was inwardly delighted to also see hope in Merlin’s eyes.

“Arthur, Gaius doesn’t want to castrate you!”

“You say that now. If he’s coming after me with an axe, I’ll hide behind you.”

Merlin smiled and then looked down at their still entwined hands. “You really mean that?” he asked quietly.

“That he loves you?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes. I am absolutely sure about that! And I know you’re having a hard time believing me, but I love you, too.” Arthur noticed happily that Merlin didn’t react badly to these words anymore, he just seemed to listen very hard. “I never loved anyone as much as I love you… aw, hell! Before you, I never loved anyone, period.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to believe you… I just…”

“I know. And it’s okay. Time will tell you… and if you allow it, I will tell you.”

“You’ve already said it quite a few times tonight.”

Arthur groaned. “Yeah… another thing I would have never thought I’d do. And that alone should _tell you something!_ ”

Merlin laughed. “Yes, I guess.” Now there was only a bit of pain left in his eyes, but lots of humor and lots of hope. “Arthur? Maybe you should take your bath now?”

“I stink, huh?”

“Mhm.”

“You mean I stink to high heaven… and you’re right, I do. Alright… I really want that bath. But… if it’s okay for you… I would like to take this damn thing off your leg, first.”

Merlin’s shoulders slumped a bit, but then he suddenly straightened up again and nodded. “Yes, please. No matter what happens… I want it gone.”

***

While he got the key, Arthur bit his lower lip. He was very aware of the fact that none of Merlin’s issues had been solved, neither the one about him not believing he was loved, nor the one about him thinking Arthur wouldn’t want him anymore without him being a warlock. Arthur also knew that these two things were kind of mutually exclusive. When Merlin got his magic back, he would think Arthur afraid of him. If he didn’t… Arthur swallowed. He didn’t know anymore what to wish for. But one thing was for sure… as he had told Merlin, they would need time, lots of time.

“Arthur? What happened to the crystal and the whip?”

Key in hand, Arthur turned around. “You know about the whip?”

“Yeah. I was… there. Not my body but… I saw everything. Well, at least until Badyn died. I have no idea what happened with your father… though I could take a guess.”

Arthur sat down on the bed again, noticing that Merlin was sitting cross-legged now. “My father… let’s just say that neither you nor anyone else has to worry about my father… for some time. I’m sure he will regroup eventually… he’s too cunning to not try something again.”

“What do you have on him?”

“I’ll tell you later, okay? Come on, Merlin. Let’s just…”

“The whip? The crystal?” Merlin stared anxiously at Arthur, who sighed. “Is that so important? Alright, they’re… gone. Only ashes remained… oh, I see. The shackle’s still solid.”

“Doesn’t have to mean anything,” Merlin whispered.

“I don’t know. Badyn was able to use the whip and the crystal on several people… but I think Morgause made those chains solely for you. And you were still able to overcome them… maybe that’s why they’re black now.”

“Arthur… I don’t know how to explain it to you. I wasn’t exactly _overcoming_ the chains… if not for you, I could have done nothing.”

“But you did. _You_ did it, Merlin… I may have been your… motivation, but believe me, you did it all alone.”

“See? I can’t explain it. I don’t even know what spell –if it really was a spell at all- I used on your armor. I just know that when I tried it the first time, it didn’t work. We were fighting and…” Merlin broke off, making a helpless gesture.

“And then… what? You put your life on the line, somehow?”

Merlin smiled a bit sadly. “If you would have died, there wouldn’t have been anything left to live for.”

Arthur had his mouth already open when he realized that he would just start the argument all over again… and Merlin wouldn’t mind at all, as long as it kept Arthur away from using that key. So, he tried and practiced his newly found character trait and let it go.

“Well… we can talk about it later,” Arthur hissed out between clenched teeth. “Now… can you outstretch your leg?”

The other man didn’t move.

“Merlin… please. Nothing will…”

“Yeah, okay. Do it.”

Just as nervous now as Merlin, Arthur inserted the key. To his surprise, he could turn it easily… he had been sure the thing would get stuck or break off or something like that. The lock clicked open and Arthur, mindfully of the raw skin beneath, removed it carefully and threw it away as far as possible.

For a minute, nothing happened. Then Merlin gasped loudly… and his body arched upward, until only his head and heels were still on the bed. Arthur swallowed, throat suddenly dry. _Gods, he is beautiful!_ His admiration got interrupted abruptly when the ground started to move. Just… it wasn’t only the ground, the whole castle shook… and it didn’t stop. Alarmed, Arthur remembered Henry’s tale. “Merlin! Stop it!” A loud crash behind him made him spin around and he saw the big old armoire in which Merlin had hidden the night before had fallen over. “Merlin!” Arthur turned back to the man on the bed only to see him sitting up now, staring at him out of golden eyes. “Cut it out, dammit!” Merlin didn’t seem to hear him, and the damn castle was still moving. Arthur could hear awful noises and the first screams for help from the courtyard. “MERLIN!”

Finally, the other man blinked a few times and actually _looked_ at Arthur, eyes still gleaming; then he jumped up and ran over to the open window, the prince hot on his heels. Arthur clutched Merlin’s tunic in the moment the warlock leaned out of the window. But Merlin didn’t try to jump; he _roared_ something, loud enough for Arthur to almost release the hold he had on him to cover his ears.

Then… before the prince’s stunned eyes, a gigantic dragon, made out of fire, appeared on the night sky over Camelot. Suddenly the castle restored its calm, the dragon vanished and Merlin sat down hard on the floor. Arthur was right behind him.

***

“Okay… that was different.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Nah. I just wonder how many people have seen this thing.”

Merlin, head still buried in his hands, whispered, “See? That’s what I’ve meant before. Everyone who knows… they’re all afraid of me. I don’t blame you…”

“Hey!” Arthur frowned. “I’m not afraid of you! I was scared you would jump out of the window… the rest was… well, impressive? Very impressive. Though I could do without the castle shaking, I like my chambers as they are.”

“You mean that?” Merlin asked, glancing up, and Arthur was happy to see perfectly normal blue eyes.

“Yes, of course! Merlin… you worry far too much, do you know that?”

The warlock seemed to study his face, obviously searching for something… and then he smiled. “You really don’t think me a…”

Arthur raised his eyebrows. “A what? A twit?” When Merlin rolled his eyes, Arthur huffed. “Merlin, I’m not afraid of _you_. I may need some time to get used to magic, but when it’s coming from you, I’m not afraid of it either. But let me tell you something… if you do stuff like _that_ regularly, you will have to get used to me _yelling!_ What was that about anyway?”

“I don’t know… it came back so fast, I had to let it out.”

“That’s you _letting it out?_ ” Arthur licked his lips. “Okay… I already know my father will be delighted to make that announcement tomorrow. Because afterwards, I will have to explain this.”

“What announcement?”

“Ah… my father…” Arthur broke off when he suddenly got jumped. Merlin was trembling all over again, but this time clearly with barely suppressed joy. “It’s back, Arthur! My magic’s back!” Arthur started to laugh. _Who the hell would have ever thought I’d be so happy about anyone telling me this?_ He tried to hug Merlin close, and ended up flat on his back on the stone floor with Merlin above him, kissing him. Arthur opened his lips and let Merlin take the lead while he frantically tried to tell his body to calm down. Apparently, the struggling with himself was noticed, because Merlin lifted his head a bit and smiled down at him. “Arthur, I’m not afraid of you, either.”

“Yeah… but there is not being afraid and there is… you know.”

“Yes.” Merlin lowered his eyes for a moment and then looked up again. “It will get better, though.”

“There is no rush at all.”

“Well, that’s your opinion,” Merlin remarked. Then he smiled again, and Arthur felt himself blush all over. No one ever had looked at him like Merlin did. “Uh… how about that bath?”

“You taking a bath is a good idea,” Merlin answered, smile getting broader. He didn’t move a muscle. Grinning himself now, Arthur tried to hoist both of them up and found out he just didn’t have it in him anymore. “I think you have to get off me first.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just… you got me all weak in the knees.”

“Really?” Merlin scrambled off him, then started to smirk. “Well, the ground did…”

“Don’t!”

“… move beneath us,” Merlin finished.

“I hate you.”

 _Epilogue_

 _One week later_

“Man, look at them. This is so unfair.”

Kay, lying on his back in the grass, glanced at the other knight and started to laugh, shaking his head.

“What is unfair, Percival? You’re mourning for Caelly or for Merlin?”

“Funny. You know, it’s something about being hurt. The women all get crazy about wounded men. Why is that?”

Kay sighed. Well, no one ever would ever accuse Percival of being too sensitive. “How should I know? Come on, you shouldn’t begrudge Gawain this love. It only means there will be lots and lots of heart broken maids to comfort.”

“That’s what I like about you, Kay. You always look on the bright side.”

Kay glanced away from Gawain and the smiling Lady Caelly to the other couple, Arthur and Merlin. He watched the two fighting playfully over a - _Gods, was this a dress?_ \- for some time, until Arthur laughed loudly about something the warlock was saying. His gaze wandered over to Bedivere for a moment; the dark-haired knight stood alone and was looking straight back at him. Kay lowered his eyes and smiled slightly.

“What can I say? I guess it’s my nature.”

  
The End.


End file.
